Raphael C. Chinkuli

Coming from church, I booked a ride with my cousin.

Before the ride even arrived, he asked me a simple question:

"Pastor, are you in a relationship?"

And just like that, a whole conversation opened.

By the time the car came, we were already deep into discussing relationships, marriage, society, and the future of human connection. Even after entering the car, the discussion continued until at one point I said something that immediately caught the driver’s attention:

"I think the 21st century and the years ahead will make it harder for people to find genuine life partners, not merely because people are imperfect, but because society itself is becoming emotionally and morally fragmented. And the deepest crisis is not romance itself, but the raising of children. The kind of homes we build today become the kind of society we live in tomorrow. The society we are struggling with today did not begin in politics or economics. In many ways, it began in failed formation."

The driver immediately responded.

"Man of God," he said, "that is true. In fact, in my own words, we are living in what I call a doctrinal cultural crisis."

That phrase alone caught my attention.

He explained that previous generations, despite all their imperfections, still attempted to preserve certain moral instincts, dignity, restraint, responsibility, respect for people, and an understanding of how human beings should speak, dress, behave, and live among others.

But now, many children are being discipled more by screens than by parents.

TikTok.
Facebook.
Instagram.
Television.
Music.
Internet culture.

Not merely as entertainment, but as moral formation.

And that is the frightening part: whatever shapes the imagination eventually shapes the person.

He then added that street knowledge has almost become compulsory among teenagers and children today, such that many eventually grow into adults with "street minds" rather than cultivated minds.

At some point, humor entered the seriousness of the conversation. He said nowadays a teenager can leave home wearing a miniskirt, and instead of the parents confronting the deeper issue, the only concern becomes:

"Mwapopokela kwi?"

I laughed immediately.

But beneath the humor was a painful observation: many parents are monitoring movement while neglecting formation.

Then the conversation shifted toward relationships.

The driver argued that modern attraction is increasingly disconnected from process. That many people admire results while lacking the patience to honor becoming. In simpler terms, potential no longer carries the beauty it once did. People are often valued more for what they have achieved than for who they are becoming.

According to him, some people remain emotionally attached to one person while materially dependent on another. One person fulfills emotional comfort, another fulfills financial desire, while another is kept as a future possibility. And somewhere in the middle of all that fragmentation, relationships lose their sacredness and quietly become transactional.

Then he said something that stayed with me:

"When the time for marriage finally comes, many do not marry the people who gave them temporary pleasure or material benefits. They return to the same person who genuinely loved them during the struggling days. But by then, problems begin because the soul has already traveled through too many experiences."

By the time he finished speaking, we had already reached our destination.

My cousin looked at me quietly and said:

“Mmmmm ba Pastor… me I’m scared now. Where are we going to find normal wives?”

I smiled.

And softly I answered:

"From God." Conclusion of the whole matter.

And somehow, for that moment, that answer felt sufficient.

Because real love has never originated from culture, trends, beauty, money, or modernity.

Surely, it has always come from God.

Another story is coming.

But this was my reflection while traveling from Monze to Kitwe.

When God closes a door or ends a season, do not force your way through. Sometimes betrayal and rejection are divine appointments.

God not only opens doors,
He Himself is the Door. So if one door closes, you can still make it through Him,because He is the Door.

Every true disciple is born into the kingdom of God as a victor. He who shares in the victory of the cross through Christ begins to live from a new center of reality. The power of self gives way to the power of love. Grace rearranges the inner life. The heart once ruled by fear, pride, and sin now beats with the freedom and love of Christ. Victory is no longer merely an event to admire, but a life to experience.