Hoop Tydens Rousmart

One of the quietest, heaviest thoughts many grieving parents carry is this:

"Am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Where did I go wrong?

"That thought can attach itself to almost anything: a mistake from years ago, a time when your faith felt shaky, a prayer you missed, or a call you didn’t make.

"Why Your Brain Searches for Blame

"On the surface, it can feel like a faith question. But underneath, something in the brain is working overtime.

"Your brain’s main job is to predict and keep you safe. It constantly looks for patterns: What caused this? How do I stop it from happening again?

"When you lose a child—the most unnatural pain imaginable—the brain cannot handle the idea that it was random. Random means no control. No control means danger could come again at any time.

"So the brain searches for a reason. If the suffering is punishment, then maybe it can be prevented next time. If tragedy follows a mistake, then being “good enough” might keep you safe.

"Self-blame, as strange as it sounds, can feel like it brings back some order. We would often rather blame ourselves than live in a world where terrible things just happen with no reason...."

~Gayla Claborn, MS, LPC

(☟Read the full essay on our blog.)

https://allianceofhope.org/the-guilt-that-shows-up-when-we-lose-a-child/

In the quiet aftermath of loss, grief asks us to learn how to live with a situation that cannot be undone. These books are a gentle meditation on sorrow, remembrance, and the fragile ways we learn to go on. It offers not easy answers but the solace of being understood—a companion for those walking through absence toward whatever light remains.

It’s been more than a decade since my son chose su***de as an exit. The days and years that followed were the hardest I’ve ever experienced. And to be honest, I was uncertain whether something so traumatic was even survivable.

In the years that followed, I learned how to steer away from a victim mentality and face, rather than avoid, the pain. I learned that suffering is something we unintentionally create through the way we think or view any situation. Truly understanding those two principles helped me to fully live and not live with the shadow of grief on my heels.

Op Vlerke van Hoop/On Wings of Sorrow. Chasing Life for Su***de Loss Survivors.

For more information : www.hooptydensrousmart.co.za, [email protected], [email protected]