BPD Diaries

Africa
04:38
I can't sleep. No i haven't slept. Literally spent the whole day pretending to be okay. Then bedtime came. Alone with my thoughts. Its not pretty. Right now am counting the hours to sunrise. Maybe i will feel better. Why do we have to feel so much? Why? I know why just cant help but ask myself this. The intrusive thoughts the feeling its the feeling a lot of feeling. Like im tired but not tired enough to sleep. Maybe if i had not pretended the wave would have passed. Im just tired. 1hr 20 mins to sunrise. I had these feeling too much episodes. I feel like im drowning and not sure what to do.
Im scared to go take another mood stabilizer am not too sure i wont be tempted. That time am trying to figure out how i got here. It was anger at first then guilt then more guilt now angry sadness.
Its only 1hr 15min to sunrise. The time doesn't seem to be moving. Im here with nobody to talk to.

16 March 2025

So this was me on my birthday this was the final result. I had woken up sad and had planned to not celebrate it. I went through a couple of emotions that day, ranging from anger, sadness, feeling unworthy, happy, loved. It was a whole mixed masala.

I have not been myself (which is kind of hard to know as many times i just go with the flow not too sure of who I really am). I have been battling with my esteem I did not feel beautiful or smart enough and like a fattened worm(weight issues).

Back to my birthday, my sister and my friends planned a surprise for me. It was something intimate I liked it. I was genuinely happy in this moment, feeling has lasted since the 12th.

It's never easy being a BPD sufferer but it helps to have some people who might not understand you but support you regardless

I’ll never understand how someone can see personality disorders as anything but mental illnesses. They impact the same areas of the brain as PTSD, anxiety, and depression and they’re literally classified in the

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR)

Take Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), for example. It’s not a personality trait or a choice; it’s a complex mental health disorder rooted in emotional dysregulation, trauma, and neurobiological factors. People with BPD experience intense mood swings, fear of abandonment, and difficulty maintaining relationships symptoms that stem from how their brain processes emotions and stress. Research shows differences in brain regions like the amygdala (which governs emotions) and the prefrontal cortex (which regulates impulse control), proving it’s a neurological and psychological condition, not just a “personality type.

Reducing BPD to “just personality” dismisses the profound suffering and challenges those with the disorder face. It also ignores the need for empathy, understanding, and evidence-based treatment. Personality disorders are mental illnesses because they involve persistent, distressing patterns of thought, behavior, and emotion that significantly impair functioning. They’re rooted in the brain’s structure and function, just like depression or anxiety, and deserve the same compassion and care.

Let’s stop stigmatizing and start understanding. 💙

Hey there everybody