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Sometimes moments just line up 🌈 when my bestie told me she bought tickets to go to kauai this summer, I looked at my calander and saw we would be on the same island at the same time for 2 days. We traveled 2500 miles and found eachother in paradise. We kept it a secret from the kids for months and planned this moment out to let them find each other. Here is the moment. I highly recommend keeping sound on and watching the whole thing, it was pretty heartwarming. I tell muffin all the time that you can live in a magical world if you create it and look for it. This is what it looks like when you do that. This life is hella magical.

Can you see it? Can you see the transformation in me from boss bitch to serene & glowing? I can see it. My soul (& my hair haha) were born for this. The first few days of our trip in 20 short photos.

Day 1: I had to really practice letting go of life back at home. For years (and the last 6 months with Nic's cancer diagnosis especially) I have been in charge of everything from paying bills, to running businesses, to making sure kids & partner had everything they needed, to gruelingly following everything in the family/work calander to a T or else. This trip that was delayed for 3 years and gifted to Adrian and I at the time I needed reprieve the most (For more info see last photo post). I was holding my life back home, unsure how to put it down. This place ive visited so often years ago is a space that can adjust me energetically. Its a space of deep comfort & healing. Day 1 brought me back to space I feel lighter inside. I get to watch my boy experienced all this things I deeply love & treasure. Day 1, we landed, checked in, cooled off at the pool, had a fabulous meal, & then walked to Shipwreck beach which holds some of my favorite memories.

Day 2: Po'ipū beach day! With puka dogs & shave ice from Puka Dog Hawaiian Style Hotdog ... soooo many critters! Condo cats, chickens for days, dogs, monk seal, turtles, beautiful tropical fish and birds. Then dinner at one of our old favorites Keoki's Paradise

Day 3: we sailed on a catamaran up the Nā Pali coast aka jurassic park 🦕 . A tour ive been on maybe 10 times over the last few decades that just gets better and better. Bbq on the boat, snorkeling, getting thrown around by the powerful pacific ocean. Its my favorite experience when we come here. I feel past lives, sailors, coming out in me as my sea legs ride the giant blue mass around us. An ancient vibration comes from this space, I feel it in other places like Mt Whitney, but I feel it now, here.

So im getting to feel a side of myself I haven't felt in awhile. Im grateful. And a reminder, none of your generous donations that go to help for nics care are funding any part of this trip. This is a gift from my parents planned & paid for 3 years ago 🙏 I ❤️ u!

3 years ago we had a trip planned to go to Kauai. We went there a lot when I was a kid and its always felt like home. When I was in the middle of the divorce we were not able to take Muffin and our trip was delayed. 3 long years 😭 Now that the divorce is (finally!!) done we get to go on the trip we've long waited for! My parents have made all of this happen and for them i am eternally grateful. I have needed this trip and feel like perhaps it came at this time when I needed it the most. Nic and julian are home and would probably love company in any form. He is in round two, almost starting round 3, of chemo. He has started the IDH inhibitor and is adjusting as well as possible but still he is tired, fatigued, some nausea. Ill do a deeper nic post when I get home. But please feel free to reach out to him or DM me for his contact info.

Ill be spamming yall with lots of kauai spam. I cant help it. Its been 15 years since ive been to what feels like our second home. This is also Muffins first time going to Hawaii so im so stoked to share this part of my childhood with him.

Just to be clear none of the generous financial donations from you all to help with Nic's care are funding this trip. This was a gift from my mama and dad, paid for years ago. So I will be out of office until the 15th. I can still book upcoming dog and photography appointments but if I dont get back to you right away its because im posted up on the beach. I love you all and appreciate you all so much ❤️

Nic update ❤️ yesterday we started a new journey, he started chemotherapy. It will last a year, this time 🤞, and he will start the IDH inhibitor around month two of chemo. The meds are oral (no port!) and is the same chemotherapy he took 15 years ago.

We have both been holding the beginning of chemo. It felt like a wild new chapter. A drug that kills good & bad in the battlefield that is his body. I am glad he started it... it feels like he's making progress towards healing. And I also dreaded it because it meant the beginning of this cycle of harm for a year.

I wanted to honor the change we were making. Hold ritual around it's beginning. He didn't understand and took his meds nonchalantly, an old pro at this kind of self love through pain. When I realized he had taken them, something broke.

He did nothing wrong. But, I, being in an emotional state of holding for far too long, had the burning desire to run. And I did.

I got in the car and impulsively drove south. In the past, I would go to the beach or pine flats when trying to feel big feelings. But I tapped into my gut & let it drive me. I called my sponsor and dumped my feelings. She told me I didnt need him to create the depth I needed in this moment. I could create my own moment. U do u colie.

And then a rainbow appear on the road ahead of me. Dropping out of a cloud. I was on the right path. I called my lovely aunt, was her home southeast of me supposed to be my destination? No says gut. Then I saw it. An old stomping ground that radiates magic, Mt. Tam.

One spiritual experience after another. Unlocked gates to the top. Wind singing through pine needles. I asked the wind, am I talking to god/the one/the universe? Suddenly every sound stops. I can hear my own heartbeat.. on a mountain that reaches the sky with millions of people down below. Not a sound. The lights of the bay begin to sparkle. I leave, 3 deers stop me. This song comes on.. the one I obsessed over in treatment 17 years ago, in that wave of intense life change, the precipice of a new life. A full circle of a chapter born and closed. Love in all its perfection. And. It. Begins. Now.

Nic and i believe in his ability to heal. We trust this process and are committed to sharing to process with you all.

If you are looking for ways to help:

We have been sponsored by our friends non-profit that collects donations to help us during this time. If you feel so inclined you can make financial donations there (link at bottom) and get a tax write off. Or you can donate via venmo (link also at the bottom).

If you want to visit, come over for a game night, take nic and me on walks, invite me to a meeting, take the kids out for a few hours, bring by a meal, refer our grooming or photography business to people in need of services, clients continuing to book with us, send us your love/good vibes/juju/prayers... we would love any and all of it! YOU guys have been life savers. I love each and every one of you and am so grateful to have this incredible community. I will never not feel humbled by you all. Thank you 🙏❤️ and remember I love you.

VENMO: https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2334668875628544875&created=1772668942

NONPROFIT DONATION LINK: https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/when-life-gets-heavy-community-lifts-help-a-dad-recovering-from-brain-surgery?fbclid=IwdGRjcAQ5o5JjbGNrBDmjc2V4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDDM1MDY4NTUzMTcyOAABHqqu4jWD0JCte98gzuTklK1LbB8MPsLpreYuQ2jn6tOCfLgrgdixbsRpURqs_aem_HzqPc_OqGZ0pVqBMgCYg5g

NIC UPDATE... If you didn't see our last post, please take a moment to view it. Nic did not get great news at his first oncology appt. This was shocking to us. Please read the last post for context.

Nic will be beginning a years worth of chemotherapy starting mid-april. At the 2 month mark he starts the IDH inhibitor medicine thats purpose is to destroy the tumors DNA and make it harder for it to aggressively grow. This med is made for this kind of cancer and we have high hopes that it will work.

Despite being given a stark life expectancy form one of his Drs, we have high hope for another amazing outcome. Here are some of the positives:

1. He is young in the world of cancer, especially this cancer.

2. He has ALOT to live for. Hes a father to our 3yo and step father to Muffin. We are still madly in love and that love grows every day.

3. The other Dr that we spoke to that day seemed a lot more positive. He believes in Nic.

4. We believe in science, medicine, and these treatments. We also believe in miracles and the ability to break out of a statistic. We are visualizing them working miracles in his body and attacking the bad s**t.

5. He is serious and committed to do everything he can to grow himself and live as long as he can.

One of the things we are practicing thanks to the suggestions of my hypnotherapist is to visualize Nic a long way down the road, she said to pick something and see it clearly and focus on that so I asked the powers of AI to create an aged image of nic holding our first grand baby 🥹 so the first few images are of that moment, that I will meditate on frequently.

Other images are of us finding joy and creating memories with the ones we love, which is the other goal. To close this update im leaving you woth a quote from Love, Medicine, & Miracles:

"The message is to chose life in this moment, not to try and live forever. Someday, when you're tired and sore and want to leave your body, your death will be healing- not a failure. You will have been an example of how to deal adversity and leave a legacy of love."

In case you want to help below are links to venmo or our friends non-profit that is sponsoring us. You can make a donation to us on venmo or write off your donation by donating through the nonprofit. We have been loving the meals, visits, financial contributions, game nights, kindness, playdates, prayers, good vibes, dog and photography work, ect. Any and all of it is welcome. And nic is expected to be out of commission for work for the next 4-5 months leaving all our bills to fall on a single income. Thank you tmso much to each and every one of you for making our lives brighter, easier, and more joy-filled during one of the hardest times of our life. We love you all so much.

VENMO: https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2334668875628544875&created=1772668942

NONPROFIT DONATION LINK: https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/when-life-gets-heavy-community-lifts-help-a-dad-recovering-from-brain-surgery?fbclid=IwdGRjcAQ5o5JjbGNrBDmjc2V4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDDM1MDY4NTUzMTcyOAABHqqu4jWD0JCte98gzuTklK1LbB8MPsLpreYuQ2jn6tOCfLgrgdixbsRpURqs_aem_HzqPc_OqGZ0pVqBMgCYg5g