Jimmy Pickett

v bv

Sunday musings -December 20, 2024 less about my relationship with money.
Last week I wrote about some of the spiritual opportunities my journey of post stroke experiences have presented. These opportunities continue to be presented this past week. My anxious and somewhat contentious relationship with money has often been the center of my thoughts. I grew up very poor and early on learned to feel shameful of being poor. I am no longer poor. I have been blessed to be able to move some distance from what people consider poverty. I had hoped to leave generous gifts to my remaining siblings when I die. Sometime ago I’m had to let go of my dream of leaving my son money to make his life more comfortable. The decision was based on his decision to end contact with me related I must assume in the absence of other information, related to his journry with a painful bipolar disorder which often results in black and white decisions. This blog is not about him but about my often irrational and unhealthy relationship with money. I am more than my mother’s child, I do not believe money or the lack of it determines self worth or spiritual health, it is interesting that if someone I love or even one of my favorite charities needs money I can be very generous. I now am forced to spend money to regain as much health as possible but often feel reckless and irresponsible while doing so. I am fearful of not being able to take care of myself physically and emotionally. I am blessed to know when I am being irrational my friends and especially my grandchildren remind me i have no choice. They make financial decisions and commitments for me. They ignore my cries of impending doom forcing me to confront my unhealthy emotions regarding money. This allows for a healthier relationship with money even while I am screaming through the process, I am again challenged to grow spiritually and let go of irrational beliefs I often gathered as a young child. For this I am grateful on a spititual if not immediately on an emotional level.
written December 20, 2024.
Jimmy f Pickett

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