Kessler Psychological

KP Weekly Tip (brought to you by Lena S. Kessler, Ph.D)
This week's tip is about

The beauty of breathing. Not only does it keep us alive, but it has the power to help us regain sanity and comfort in many instances.
If you are feeling anxious, worried, overwhelmed, angry, or any other emotion that is taking you out of a rational headspace and/or leaving your body taking hits for your emotions, try the following methods:

4-4-4 or 4-7-8 breathing:
Inhale to the count of 4 through your nose; hold to the count of 4; exhale to the count of 4 through your mouth. Eyes open and focused on something or closed. The point is to focus on your breath. Or do the same but to the counts of 4, 7 and 8. Repeat each one at least three times.

Box breathing:
Envision a box that you are making with each of four parts of your breath and use the numbers 4-8 as the same for each side: Inhale to the number to go up the side of the box; hold to the same number to make the top cross of the box; exhale to the same number to go down the other side of the box; and hold at the same number to make the bottom of the box. Match your breathing to the lines of the box. Repeat at least 3 times.

This mindful act helps to control your breathing rate, which also helps to control your heartrate; these all help to calm down your sympathetic nervous system which is also in charge of the dilation of your blood vessels, the prepping of your muscles, and the slowing of your digestive system (ie, increased blood pressure, muscle tension, and tummy yuck). Not only does doing all of this overall help your body and mind to calm down, but when you recognize that your breath control has all of these wonderful effects, you recognize your power.

KP Weekly Tip (brought to you by Alex Bice, Social Work Supervisee)
This week's tip is about

How Unhealed Trauma Shows Up in Relationships:

Addiction to chaos, crisis, or fighting as connection:
If we witnessed these things as ‘love’ when we were children, we will unconsciously seek these patterns as adults. Stability, predictability, and safety might feel boring.

Relationship Sabotage:
Betrayal, deceit, substance use, and financial irresponsibility are ways that we sabotage relationships because on a subconscious level, we fear them and never feel safe within them.

Inner Child Fantasies:
When we had parent figures who abused or neglected us emotionally, we become fixers or rescuers who chase love or approval. Rather than seeing people for who they are, we see them for who we want them to be (a fantasy).

Inability to Communicate:
We learn communication from our parent figures. If we weren’t taught healthy communication, we can shut down, become defensive, stonewall, or deny our partner’s reality.

Repeating Dysfunctional Cycles:
This is called repetition compulsion. We unconsciously repeat or re-create our childhood trauma dynamics. Finding ourselves with the same kind of partners or in the same dynamics over and over again.

Fear of Abandonment:
We think of worst case scenarios, over-think or analyze our partner’s every move, or end the relationship as soon as we feel vulnerable because a fear of abandonment keeps us in fight or flight.

Becoming a Parent to our Partner:
Many of us take on a parental role to our partners. Micromanaging their finances, their choices, setting harsh punishments, or unconsciously treating a partner as if they are our child causing unhealthy power dynamics.

Lack of Self Trust:
Denying our own reality, second guessing our feelings, and thinking we are ‘crazy’ are common manifestations of how lack of self-trust shows up in our relationships.
holistic.psychologist