Time Enough

In my work, I am most often asked about advance directives. What are they? How can I complete them? How do I know if they’re legally valid? The confusion is fair- the documents and terminology vary state to state and even within a state, people in the field don’t use the same language when talking about these things. I’ve done a post like this before, but on this topic repetition can never hurt.

‘Advance directive’ is an umbrella term. The documents that fall under that umbrella will vary from state to state. In Arizona (where I’m based), there are 4 documents under this umbrella:
1. Living will: these are your instructions for what you want or don’t want related to your healthcare. You can make this as general or specific as you want and need. Even if you name a power of attorney it’s a good idea to complete a living will to provide specific guidance (in addition to conversations you’ve had with them).
2. Healthcare power of attorney: this is who will speak for you/make decisions about your physical health. You can name a primary and a secondary (or backup). This is a good idea in case your primary refuses or is unreachable, but you aren’t required to list a secondary. *The power of attorney may also be called the proxy, agent, or surrogate. They mean the same thing.
3. Mental healthcare power of attorney: this is who will speak for you/make decisions about your mental and behavioral health (which includes cognitive diseases like dementia). You can name a primary and a secondary (or backup). This is a good idea in case your primary refuses or is unreachable, but you aren’t required to list a secondary. *The power of attorney may also be called the proxy, agent, or surrogate. They mean the same thing.
4. Pre-hospital medical care directive (aka do not resuscitate or orange form): this is the form you complete if you DO NOT want to be resuscitated in the event that your heart or lungs stop. This is the only document that requires the signature of a healthcare provider. This will instruct emergency medical system personnel and emergency department personnel to withhold all resuscitation measures.

Living in a death-phobic society means that death is often viewed as not only the worst possible outcome, but also frequently as a personal failure. The thing is, none of us get out of this alive. How can dying be a failure when it’s one of the only experiences we’ll all have? So if you’re feeling bad about this or people are making you feel like you haven’t “fought hard enough” (I hate talking about illness and death that way, but that’s a conversation for another day), remember that there is nothing wrong with you for getting sick or aging or dying. These are things that happen to us all at some point and are not a reflection of you ❤️

Your morning coffee (or tea) can be a great time to reflect on life and death. While you’re sitting there, think about how humans breathe out carbon dioxide, which will kill us if it builds up in our bodies, which plants then use for their growth- just one way life and death are interconnected. Take time to focus on your breathing and acknowledge that there will be a point where an inhale and exhale are your last.

When we talk about doing death meditations, they don’t have to be long, drawn out things (although they can be and there are some wonderful 15+ minute death meditations out there). You can spend a few minutes during an existing part of your routine to think about and get comfortable with the inevitability of death.

In case you needed a reminder, grief isn’t linear and if you find yourself revisiting certain stages, feel like you’re regressing, or feel emotions that you think you should be over by now, that’s okay. Society places expectations on our grief that aren’t actually in line with the grieving process for most of us. So feel, deal, heal your way through it. You’re doing great ❤️