Raised To Rise

We did what any parent would do…

Parenting is not easy, but exhilarating.

Parenting is not easy. People who say it is, aren’t fooling anyone.

We can't describe parenting by adjectives like hard, easy, demanding, or peaceful; because it's all of those things.

Sure, everyone warns you about all the dirty diapers, sleepless nights and the “terrible twos”, but what about the confident mentality you have to build up as a parent, speaking up for what is right for your family. We see it daily all around us, people aren’t necessarily trying to be judgemental, or tell you how to be a parent, but social media, TV, movies and celebrities are constantly having us questioning if we are doing this parenting thing right.

“Oo you co-sleep?”
“You shouldn’t bottle feed your baby until ____(Fill in the blank with whatever age)”
“You’re a dye-free family, ugh that sounds hard”
"Those celebrities removed all sugar from their household, we should do that too!”

We could go on and on. When did parents lose confidence in their parenting skills, did they ever have a chance to gain them?

When it came time for our daughter to enter school, we knew she was ready, confident and excited to take on a new day to day. We did not realize how many options there were to explore. We were overwhelmed beyond imagine. I can't tell you how many schools we toured but can say that by the end of it we knew about every school option within a 45 min drive from our home. Public, charter, magnet, private, hybrids, and a few homeschool co-ops. We joined Facebook groups for the schools, met with parents and paid attention to how the teachers looked at the end of a busy school day. On one hand we were shocked of the amount of different options but on the other hand we thought of how great it is to have so many choices. Every family is different so not every family will fit the mold of one school type. Then came the part that stopped us right in our tracks.. her birthday was past the “Cutoff” for that upcoming school year. We did not understand the reasoning behind a “cutoff” date.

So a child born the day before the cutoff date is ready for school but the child born possibly minutes after, that child was not ready for school? Who decided this cutoff date for my children, and why did they get to decide? This was a girl that walked at 10 months, started using the potty at 1 years old and was blowing past all of her milestones, it wasn’t anything special we were doing. There were no 2-a-day gym sessions or bootcamp daycares. This girl just knew her stuff. Now they want to hold her back because she was born a couple days past a made up “cutoff date” ??

We did what every parent does, we started asking advice from all around us. Social media, family, friends, doctors, teachers, online articles on this topic. Not all of it was exactly what we wanted to hear. A majority of people and articles said to hold her back, let her be the oldest in her class, school will come easier to her if you hold her back.

The cut-off is set for a reason.

Fun fact: Did you know that in colonial America it was customary to teach students of various ages in one classroom by one teacher. The graded education system was only introduced around 1870. Think about it, besides in school when do you ever have to work in the real world with 20-30 of your peers all of the same exact age. So forgive me if I'm not sold on this “cut-off plan"

The one phrase that helped solidify our decision was this one, “If she is the oldest in her class then she will be a leader” WHAT? So you’re telling us that the only way we can assure that our daughter will be a leader is if she the oldest thereby giving her the automatic position as a leader? Nope. We were going in! We were confident that she would thrive, which ever way we did this. Not to mention if anyone has ever met our daughter knows she doesn't have to be the oldest in a room to lead it.

Long story short, we found a school that we couldn’t be happier with! 3 years later and she is doing amazing! Not to brag but she currently has a 102% in bible, which doesn't surprise me, she loves herself some Jesus! Although, she knows that she’s the youngest but we never let her see that as a barrier. We also stay in contact with her teachers and admins to make sure she is doing well and check in on our decision, make sure we made the right one for OUR family.

Each child is different, each family is different. Not sure if we had to make this tough decision for our son, which way we would decide, thankfully he was born no where near this “cutoff” so didnt have to take on that added stress another time around.

Moral of the story. Do what is best for your family and have the confidence in your parenting decision. We still have people around us, family, friends, random Facebook followers, that still disagree with our decision, but it was OURS to make and we are confident in it. There are so many choices in this world to make as a parent, do what is best for YOUR family, if you are going to go against the grain.

You know your child better than any other person on the planet. Your choice will always be the best choice for your child.

One of the hardest phone calls I had ever gotten from my husband and my 6 year old was in the car watching to see what I would do next. (Keep Reading...)

We read that quote in the picture and instantly feel one of two ways:
The pressure. Guilt. Maybe shame. Overwhelmed.
or...
Excitement. Relief. Joy. Motivation.

We go back to that one time 5 years ago, 5 months ago, or even this morning that we reacted poorly to a bad day or moment and allow the infamous "mom guilt" to make an entrance.
or...
We find purpose in the opportunity to show our kids how to handle tough times. We get inspired by the quote in knowing that we get to be the example for them that will truly make a difference in their lives.

We try to tell our kiddos what to do during their tough moments throughout the day, but when we get cut off in traffic, how do we handle it? What about when we are running late or the house is a mess? What about when someone does you wrong? Or when you are really tired?

This is convicting, I know, but all growth starts with realizing growth is necessary. What if we saw it as an opportunity instead?

I remember being in Atlanta with my Dad when I was in 6th grade. We went to leave in the morning and the windows of his car were broken, the trunk and doors wide open, and everything was stolen out of it. This included his work briefcase with his wallet in it. I waited for his freak out and his melt down. He had every single right to be angry and I was ready for him to unleash. But, he didn't. He looked at it, took a step back shaking his head, then finally said, "Well, they must have needed it more than I did. There isn't much I can do about it right now and I am hungry. I have cash, let's walk to breakfast." and we did. And he was joyful.

This joyful reaction was a rare one from him, but it left a lasting impact on me. It only took him reacting this way one time for me to always remember it. I always told myself that this is the kind of parent I would be; Slow to anger, slow to react, and joyful.

Much easier said than done. But, this quote reminds me of that time and inspires me as a parent to look for these opportunities to show my kids joy in a situation where joy isn't usually found.

I think about that memory a lot now that I am a mom. When my kids make big mistakes or when unfortunate/unexpected things happen during the day, will I choose to stay calm? It is easy to gossip and find negative comments to make, but I want my kids to watch me choose joy instead on purpose.

It isn't easy and it takes time, but it is possible. I lost my phone in a grocery store a few months ago and I actually got excited about it. Weird, I know. But, I had been given a real opportunity to show my kids that even though I was really bummed, maybe the positive is that I needed to take a break from my phone.

We searched for it in the grocery store and came to the conclusion that someone picked it up by accident or it was stolen. I used the exact same phrase my dad did to my kids: "If it was stolen, they must need it more than I do." I smiled after I said it too. It felt good to choose joy. Whether I reacted with joy or anger, the situation wouldn't change anyways. I wondered why I didn't figure out this whole "joy" choice earlier in my life.

I ended up finding my phone 3 days later inside the back of my couch (typical mom of 3 craziness), but I felt empowered that I was able to take full advantage of that learning moment for my kids. I went out of my way to choose joy and enjoy the extra undistracted time with them. I felt grateful that I got that chance.

It isn't always as easy as losing a cellphone though...

I was with all three of my kids in the car on our way home from a trampoline park when my husband called me from his snowmobile trip panicking and crying to tell me one of our best friends had just gotten into an accident on his snowmobile and that they couldn't save him. I instantly went numb and froze. My 6 year, my oldest, staring at me.

I pulled over and just sat there paralyzed. She was asking a million questions with fear in her eyes wondering what her dad just said to me on the phone. I had to answer her. I realized quickly that this is one of those moments where I have to slow down to show her how to handle unexpected and heartbreaking news. I was direct and honest with her. She loved him just as much as we did.

She went pale, took a few deep breaths and asked me what we should do. I took a few more seconds to gather myself and then I asked her to pray with me. I allowed her to see me cry and I asked her if she wanted to cry with me. We prayed and cried for a long time. We even ended up laughing through some of it while thinking about the reaction our friend had when he saw Jesus. He was an extremely high energy kind of guy and was probably jumping absurdly high for joy. We imagined him running around giving high fives to everyone he bumped into.

A few months later we heard about another friend of ours passing away. My 6 year old came up to me and asked if I wanted her to pray with me and asked if I needed her to hug me for a while.

It was then that I truly realized that my choices matter. My joy matters. My reactions matter. We are constantly being watched and studied and we have been given this incredible responsibility to mirror the character we want our kids to develop for themselves.

Yes, this quote can bring on moments of shame where we lost our cool. But, it can also inspire us to grow and be better every day. Joy and composure is a choice, and is not always an easy choice to make, but by choosing them we can show our kids how to handle tough times with grace and purpose.

💕

Raised To Rise Raise them to rise. ☀️ Ideas, activities and philosophies for the intentional parent.