Honestly.Stephanie

No one talks about what that does to you.

Not just in the moment…but over time.

When the person you love becomes the voice that slowly rewrites how you see yourself.

They don’t just hurt you.
They confuse you.
You start to question everything.

Because it’s not always yelling or chaos;�sometimes it’s the person who says they love you looking you in the eyes and telling you they don’t like you.

And then convincing you it’s your fault.

“If you communicated better…”�“If you were softer…”�“If you didn’t trigger me…”

So you try harder.�You shrink more.�You question yourself constantly.

Until one day you don’t trust your own instincts at all.

That’s how emotional manipulation works.

It doesn’t just break your heart; it breaks your sense of self.

And without realizing it your trust shifts from yourself 👉🏻 to them.

That’s how the confusion happens.�That’s how you stay.

Not because you’re weak; but because your self-worth is being chipped away in real time.

So if you’ve ever asked yourself,�“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”
This is why.

When your voice has been quieted long enough, you forget it was ever there.

But here’s the truth:

You were never the problem you were made to believe you were.

And learning to trust yourself again?�That’s where healing begins.

Keep speaking up until your voice no longer shakes,
💜 Stephanie

PS) unlearning the lies and relearning the truth of who you are takes time; don’t be too hard on yourself if your self esteem and self worth don’t just magically bounce back. One of the best ways to fast track your healing process is to dive into who God says you are; you’ll find no deeper, sweeter, or stronger truth. Psalm 139 (start here 🫶🏻)

I was in a row near the front.

Worship music flowed and all around me people were engaging and raising their hands; inside a battle raged.

“What am I even doing here? How can I still believe in a “good” and “loving” God after all He’s allowed me to go through!?”

My heart ached and my throat tightened as tears pricked the backs of my eyelids.

“What if I just walk out? What if I leave and never come back? Who would care?”

My mind quickly began working through all my justifications for why I could stop believing; it all suddenly made sense. No God. No plan for my life. No one cared; everything was meaningless…

That’s the moment God called me out.

Our pastor got on stage and during a lull in the music she began speaking directly to my spirit;

“Someone in this room is dismantling their faith at a high-level. And God wants you to know that he is not scared or frustrated with your questions, he’s not angry at your cynicism. He wants you to know that he SEES you and he loves you.”

I broke.

I knew everything she was saying was for me; that’s when the chaos my mind was creating -tearing apart my belief systems piece-by-piece- stopped in an instant.

Just like when Jesus calmed the storm the tumult in my spirit was silenced.

Peace reigned.

God. Saw. ME.

In my pain.
In my brokenness.
In my doubt and confusion.
In my anger; shaking my fist at him.

God. Saw. ME.

And He loved me.

That was the one and only time during these past years I have seriously thought about walking away from my faith in God. And after that experience, no matter how much pain or suffering I’m enduring, I KNOW God is with me and that He sees me.

That’s the power of being in relationship with God rather than just following a religion.

Because when the God of the universe breaks in with His calm, you never move on from it.

With Hope,
💜 Stephanie

PS) you don’t need anyone to help you have that sort of relationship with God; just talk to Him. He’ll meet you where you’re at and isn’t looking for you to be perfect or clean up your life first. Oh, and yeah, He can handle ALL your emotions, so don’t hold back. The anger, fear, heart break, shame, confusion….He’s got space for it all.