seranine

y'all i have made it so hard for me to cross-post to my facebook anymore lol the effort i just made

i liked this piece, so i wanted to share it here:

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so i'm playing this open mic, right, just getting stage time, watching my body the way i do in tai chi practice, because this is the same thing. and when all these channels are open, and my feet are rooted and i can feel the energy pouring into my 丹田, and the song is just moving through my body like a thing alive, that's where i'm headed.

i'm in it maybe a third or a quarter of the time. the song is playing itself because my body is the song. everything moving together, same thing. this is tai chi. and getting that has me taking my tai chi instructor's example, instead of my mom's. now, it's highlighting what i was doing well when i was in it, and feedback on how to get there when i wasn't. as opposed to withering criticism. and that's it.

hitting that B5 in hide and seek is a power move. not to show off outside my body, but to prove to myself within it. it's mechanics and technique and that means we can cart it around and do it anywhere, generally. doing it on stage is my body showing herself, in a way that leaves an impression over time, that she can do this. on stage. and if she can do thAt. what else can she do?

on the drive home, my friend is trying to get me to understand not what my mom sees when i'm on stage, nor my tai chi instructor nor even my vocal coach, but, everybody else. when i get up on stage, she says, it is pure joy. i'm funny, i'm spontaneous, i play and sing with confidence and ease, i'm very in and of the moment, and at home. i'm obviously a very gifted musician, i'm inspiring, all these things.

and then, in this context, they point out that my mom was obviously just jealous of my talent and projecting her own insecurities onto me, which is a thing i sort of vaguely understood intellectually already, but had never actually felt. until i walk this winding path with my friend, and there's this sort of gut punch of absolute truth at the end.

dodging the absolute truth so well all my life, i don't even realize i'm doing it. i can't even tell it's been done.

yung deezy just murdered the accent rug and dragged it into the bathroom for later

thank you for specifying which the boy you meant. i interact with so many the boys every day, it's honestly hard to keep them all straight.

that's a little pride month humor for you.

i'm actually 402nd gender, people get us mixed up with 3rd gender all the time because our logos are really similar. also, fun fact, because of the way genders are organized, the 402nd precedes the 3rd, so, if anyone is copying anyone's logo, i'm just saying, you know what i mean? i don't know what you've heard, but it's probably not true.

listen. if the boy (md siddik islam) hopes to avoid being mocked or humiliated, i would love for you to suggest gently to him he perhaps not do things worthy of mockery and humiliation? i appreciate your giving me the words to describe his behavior, as now i've no need to find them.

and to be clear, i wasn't looking. i was done with this, until i noticed your comment, which facebook helpfully automatically hid, so i could decide when, whether, and how to put it on display. i don't really post here anymore, not like i used to — and you should be proud of that, that's apparently half you! — so, free content, i guess. i suppose if nothing else i'll have fun speaking with uh.. *checks notes* arrogance.

okay that's fair.

i would say confidence, but, why split hairs at this early stage? we're clearly just drafting, spitballing, here. we can circle back.

anyway, confessing to hacking someone's page... *on* their page. in the comments. is a truly wild choice.

and then threatening them on top of that, like. tension mounting. but then you are threatening... their facebook... and instagram? this is. very strange storytelling.

oh but my favorite part is the strong finish with the *** self-censoring. lmfaooooo WHAT? sir. please be serious. after all those threats, you're gonna come in over the top and police yourself for... foul language? bro. my friend. why has it come to this. what have i done to offend you.

oh right, i'm a woman on the internet! 402nd represent! i mean, let's review the timeline, this all started there. and then you've retconned yourself in as the hacker, that's great, we can cut some previously-on footage around that and milk at least another week's worth of engagement out of this, and that's what this is all about, isn't it?

send me some photos of you looking sinister, please, for promotional materials. peering over a pair of sunglasses and stuff. maybe you are smoking.

what're we doing, dude? like, literally what's happening, here. you're gonna go to war over a page that 1) you didn't make, 2) full of content you don't own, 3) which, at best, pulls in $5 a month, which is 4) less than 1/3 of an average month's pay in bangladesh? and all presumably for the boy.

i mean at that point why does the boy not just... aim for the average month's pay in bangladesh? sounds like it would be less work. or, hell, you're in the uae, just send him $5 a month yourself, surely that's a better use of your time and money than all this. are you not embarrassed? to be seen doing this, either trying to steal in the absolute least efficient and effective way possible, or, just harassing some random woman on the internet?

what did seaworld do to you, dude? are you an orca? because i am 100% on your side about that s**t, if so. we keep finding we have more in common with each other than one might expect.

good job on those boats, btw

high five