The Joy Couple

In her words, “I am just a hard worker”

About to drop a shocker! Jeremy and I don't look like this ALL the time. The truth is, we argue and sometimes I have to ask myself, "What are we fighting about?"⁠⁠
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We’ve had two “cycles” in our marriage; the tortuous one, full of conflict and the energizer, rich in connection. ⁠⁠
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The conflict ridden cycle is more like a luny loop. Usually it would look like this: One of us does something that the other takes offense to, I would become critical (experience shame) and anxious to justify to Jeremy why I’m right (in attempt to convince us both I’m perfect!). Jeremy, feeling attacked, would retreat. It would trigger my anxiety to be close to him but my anxious energy would push him further away. Exhausting, isn’t it?!⁠⁠
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We’ve learned there are always unmet needs under the surface of our conflict. The unmet needs are linked to fears, most likely related to our value or our connection. For example, I have a need to feel connected to Jeremy and a fear that if I do something he doesn’t like, our connection will be severed.⁠⁠
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The Connection Cycle is the practice of recognizing needs in one another and taking the opportunity to meet them. We also have the chance to break the conflict with our own vulnerability. “Ouch, those words really hurt me” instead of retaliating with hurtful words. We get to change the pattern our conflict. In this practice, we have built deeper security and joy within our marriage.⁠⁠
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It may take two for a conflict, but it only takes 1 to break it! ⁠⁠
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What unmet needs do you see in yourself that fuel your Conflict Cycle?

Did you take the free assessment to learn your communication style yet?⁠⁠
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Knowing your communication style can help you create a more satisfying and intimate relationship based in security and trust!⁠⁠
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BONUS! When you take the quiz, you'll be the first to know when The Joy Couple Course goes life.

Cultivating joy can bring warmth to a frigid, cold relationship.

“Baby, let’s stay home tonight! ⁠⁠
We can put a couple records on. ⁠⁠
We can make a fire alright. ⁠⁠
Maybe we can dance ’til dawn.” ⁠⁠
~Need to Breathe⁠⁠
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Life has been a lot of “let’s stay home tonight!” Date nights out at our favorite restaurant are pretty few and far between, if any. Doesn’t mean we can’t make Friday Night special! So, here’s to staying home. Put some sweet music on, set the table with the nice china, start a fire, and dance in the kitchen! ⁠⁠
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What are your Friday night “let’s stay home tonight” plans?