The Miscellany News

“On Thursday, Dec. 4, The Miscellany News published a report detailing Vassar College’s plan to redevelop 2.24 acres of downtown Arlington. The administration alleges that a significant number of students chose not to attend Vassar because of the current state of downtown Arlington. An unnamed source tells us another factor is at play: “Conservative applicants simply don’t want to attend Vassar because of the progressive atmosphere,” they told The Misc. “We’ve proposed creating a welcoming environment for them, including ICE detention facilities, Tesla dealerships, animal slaughterhouses and firearm manufacturing factories.” Administrators are also in talks with a Saudi Arabian contractor over the feasibility of setting up an oil refinery at the Preserve”

Read Noah Daube-Valois’s “Vassar redevelopment includes building Tesla dealership” by clicking the link below.

https://tinyurl.com/38fus77r

“On Nov. 20, 2025, President Bradley made a college-wide announcement, canceling all classes for the week. Students were informed they were now enrolled into ERAD 211: “Eradication of the EVIL MENACE!” The Evil Menace, the President proclaimed, is a “strange species of spotted three-foot tall aliens with no arms, or legs, who [had] built a Death Ray currently aimed at Rockefeller Hall.” When asked for an explanation on how these limbless aliens had managed to construct such complex technology—or really, any technology at all—she declined to comment. Instead, she brought her husband onto the scene, who announced that armaments available for student use would be deployed at strategic drop locations around campus, like the Library, the other Library ‘and that really long boring building only the Chem majors go to’”

Read Evan Seker’s “President Bradley unites students against Evil Menace” by clicking the link below.

https://tinyurl.com/3y3acxj6

“As the renovation of the Library’s 24-hour section draws to a close, Vassar College has announced plans to create a new 24-hour section in the Gordon Commons dining hall, commonly referred to as the Deece. The new section will consist of the west side of the first floor, from the dishroom and soda machines over to the window, colloquially referred to as the “straight side” of the dining hall”

Read Josie Wenner’s “Vassar to create new 24-hour section in the Deece” by clicking the link below.

https://tinyurl.com/bdcmdefy