A Little Stronger Everyday

Inheritance

Some days I look down and see:
my grandma’s wrists
In the mirror, my gaze meets:
my daddy’s smile
my mama’s eyes
my grandfather’s expression
Gentle reminders that I’m never alone
and never have been

That my very existence is:
the inheritance of a thousand other lives who have gone before
intentional and planned before the beginning of time
meaningful and beloved

For my inheritance is not only of this world but of the next
For my Father smiles down at me
And each day, by His grace,
I reflect
His heart and face
a little bit more

Last Baby Tooth

Somehow you went from losing your first tooth to just one last baby tooth left,
in what feels like the span of a single breath, the blink of an eye.

How can it be that you’ve grown so much, from cheeky baby smiles and giggles, and teething, to losing your teeth,
and now-
To the last baby tooth standing.

It makes me feel nostalgic for little you, for tiny you, for all the ages and stages that rushed by so quickly.

Every day I tell you how much I love you and how very special you are to me. And you want one more snuggle, and another hug, and I want to freeze time or at least slow its march down to a crawl.

I remember reading the poems about how babies don’t keep and holding you as you napped, yesterday? Wasn’t it yesterday? Surely it couldn’t have been a decade ago…

Somehow, it seems you grow taller each moment you sink into my arms yet again.

So grow gently. And hold me gently. Because I am not ready to say goodbye to that last baby tooth,

quite yet.

Love and Desire

We often grow cold to the love that burns for us.

We hear “God loves you,” and think of this love as being similar to how our grandmothers love us. Or how we “love” pizza. We consider His love a love of obligation, perhaps- or disinterest, lukewarm fondness. We reason, perhaps it’s a love given for what we can provide? Conditional and with strings attached.

If we even believe He loves us at all.

Darkness has done a wonderful job of flipping the script, making love appear like a cage and rebellion appear like freedom, when in actuality the truth is much different. Darkness doesn’t want to set you free, but instead desires to chain you down as tightly as possible, in order to hurt the One who loves you most.

You see, you were born into the midst of a spiritual war, and the lines are drawn on either side. There’s no fence straddling in this battle of good and evil. To try to do so is to deceive yourself in the name of comforting lies.

Yet truth is not always palatable. And everything in our nature wants to run from it, to run from love and from true light. False light is so dazzling and illuminates just enough to make us feel a bit better about ourselves and our realities, without the discomfort of laying all things bare that comes from the walking with the true light of the world (And yes, breaking apart all your old paradigms is painful at first and uncomfortable, but there is so much freedom and peace on the other side).

The truth is, God does not merely love you. I mean- He does love you. Completely, wholeheartedly and perfectly. But even more so, He desires you. He desires your heart. He desires relationship with you. Of all the human beings that are alive and that have ever lived and ever will live, He still knows you by heart and wants to share life with you. He has your picture on His refrigerator, after all. And your name is written on His hands.

Whether we love Him back or hate Him, He doesn’t give up on us. He still blesses us with sunshine and mercies new every morning. And like the steadiness of the sun, He can be counted on to show up for us. Again, and again, and again.

Even when we don’t have the words, even when we feel unworthy, even when we think we are above Him.

He
is
still
there.

And He will continue to be there:
Desiring us.
Loving us.
Completely and wholly, without reservation.

For He is the only God we don’t have to reach up for, for He came down to us and for us. He joins us in our mess, our brokenness and pain. For He is still in the business of reconciliation, and always will be.

- - -

“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me.”
-Isaiah 49:15-16

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”
-Jeremiah 31:3

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”
-1 John 4:16

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
-Romans 8:38-39

Trailblazers

Some of us were born to be trailblazers.
To forge paths.
To clear heavy brush.

We come out on the other side a bit bruised,
With fresh cuts and stings from the brambles.
Yet we are not broken.

Someone has to go first:
To clear the path.
To be the voice crying out in the wilderness.
Maybe it’s you.
Maybe it’s me.

We aren’t exceptional, we simply discovered a resolute authenticity we couldn’t deny.
A search for truth that wasn’t satisfied until every last door had been opened.
“Give me truth,” we whispered, even if the cost was giving up the comfortable lies we held dear.
Even if it meant going on alone, swimming against the current of the world.

You see, somehow, we just found ourselves going on ahead.
We didn’t plan it this way, calling just crashed into us like a tidal wave.
An instant of surrender, a tiny open doorway within our hearts, and we were left completely changed.
Broken and imperfect; yet led to a path, one we were always meant to walk.

So if you feel lonely, look for the trailblazers-
They won’t ever let you walk alone.
They are making a way in the wilderness, so that others can follow.
They lead with love, and with conviction- burning deep within their bones.

Mystic

When I was a little girl, I went to sleep away camp with a friend. I was terribly homesick but remember the significance of trying something new and stretching and growing through it. One night, we set up our sleeping bags on a hill, intending to sleep under the stars rather than in our cabins. Sometime in the middle of the night, we were awakened to thunder and lightning, and were led back to our cabins for the remainder of the night.

We were safe, but I still remember the uneasy fear I felt in the pit of my stomach when waking up to the thunder, and the urgency of the counselors and staff members as we were rushed back to the safety of our cabins.

As a teen and young adult, I worked at a couple of children’s camps, lifeguarding and teaching swim lessons to young children.

One summer, as I taught swim with a team of lifeguards, we had a camper who was very scared of the water and reluctant to learn. However, she faced her fears and soon learned to swim. In an unexpected turn of events, she was aboard a tourist boat that sank and survived the event through the skills she had learned merely weeks before.

For many of us, the thought of going to camp holds memories we look back at with fondness. We learn a bit more about who we are and what it means to be a part of a community through these experiences. We can picture ourselves as campers, counselors, or parents of children attending camp.

Seeing the aftermath of the flooding in Texas and the young girls missing from Camp Mystic has broken my heart. My daughter is 8 years old, and some of the children missing are mere days older than her.

Some days the sheer number of painful events in the world is overwhelming, and I agree that we weren’t meant to carry it all. Yet, I also believe that we are called to grieve with those who grieve. Whether through prayer, by holding them within our hearts or by sending aid in whatever form we can, I believe collective sorrow and grief is an appropriate response to the brokenness of this world.

One of the shortest but most meaningful verses in the Bible reads “Jesus wept.” In the midst of the unthinkable and deepest pain we experience, it is so reassuring to know that Jesus weeps with us. That His heart comes close to ours, and He holds us in our suffering. God knows the pain of watching His own beloved Son suffer and die. And yet, He also gives us hope of a world restored and redeemed, a world made new. A world where there are no more tears, no more sickness and all the broken things come undone.

Today I am praying for those missing and their families, and am lifting them up in love. May we have soft hearts that join with others in their grief. May we never grow callous to tragedy, and may we not turn away from the hurting. For one of the most important aspects of our humanity is our ability to feel, to draw near, and to carry one another. In the darkness, may we choose to bring light to a broken and hurting world.

- - -

“Jesus wept.”
-John 11:35

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
-Romans 12:15

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”
-Revelation 21:3-5

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.”
-Jesus in Matthew 5:14-15

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
-Jesus in Matthew 11:28-29

“to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.”
-Isaiah 61:3

“Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.”
-Jesus in Matthew 5:4