Affirmations

Why are we surprised when fig trees bear figs?
~Margaret Titzel

A frequent source of discomfort and pain with adult children is unrealistic expectations. One of the greatest of these is expecting sane, rational, trusting behavior from those who may well not have it to give.

Alcoholism is a form of insanity - perhaps not the committable kind, but a disease that renders the victim incapable of behavior that most would call normal. Until the advent of recovery, the alcoholic is subject to a bewildering assortment of delusions, denials, manipulations, and subterfuges. In short, nonrecovering alcoholics are incapable of functioning in healthy relationships.

When we expect anything more from a loved and beloved nonrecovering alcoholic, we are setting ourselves up for heartbreak. Fig trees bear figs, not peaches. What we are able to do emanates from what we are, not from what we wish we were.

Today, I will not frustrate myself with unrealistic expectations. What I cannot change, I will accept.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~Carl Jung

It's been said that no one comes into our lives by accident. We may have a sense that something inevitable and wonderful has occurred when we meet a true friend, mentor, or romantic partner. But just as frequently we encounter people with whom we are incompatible or who seem to threaten our sense of security or self-love.

Those people, too, offer us valuable experience. Their presence in our lives requires us to define more clearly our personal values, traditions, and boundaries. They teach us patience and tolerance and help us learn to set limits and speak our truths clearly and assertively. Those who challenge us enhance our process of development. As we express gratitude for the people in our lives today, let's include those who challenge us as well as those for whom our love flows with ease.

Today, I give thanks for all the people in my life, past and present.

We need to share our problems to find our solutions.
Trying to solve a problem alone, without the benefit of the wisdom of other people, often leaves us stuck with an even worse problem. On the other hand, sharing any problem with interested, compassionate people, such as those we meet in the program, guarantees that many responses will surface. Each person will offer a unique and genuine perspective from which the best solution can be gleaned.

It's not unusual that we kept our problems to ourselves for years. Most of us were ashamed that we didn't have perfect lives; we thought most of the people we knew did. We didn't know that our secrets kept us very stuck. Now we are learning that sharing secrets with trusted others frees us from the burden of our secrets. We can make progress toward those perfect lives only if we tell who we really are and what is really going on. What surprises have been in store for us since we joined the program!

Telling a trusted friend about a problem will make this day more productive. And the problem may get solved too!