The Better Living Collaborative

My TEDx talk actually opens with the line, "I have always wanted to be liked."

That's been true for most of my life - I just wanted people to like me.

But I was a socially awkward, chubby, not-very-cute kid donned in glasses and clothes I 'would grow into' who was too smart not to be noticed - and thus bullied. As I grew, I failed to connect to one group (certain I couldn't trust them), instead, chasing every activity I could find. I became like water - able to fill the shape of whatever room I was in 💦.

Well into adulthood, that was my identity. Water 💧. I played the part of filling vessel after vessel - transparent and able to create buoyancy for whomever needed to float. 🛟 I could put out a fire. 🔥 I could create motion for almost anything or anyone. ⛵️ I could nourish and sustain life. 🍃In many ways, I was proud of it.

That is, until I realized I wasn't water 💦 at all. I had never been 💦 water. I was a tree 🌳 just waiting to be planted. I realized that filling vessel after vessel - flowing into the shape of whatever was there - and always running, flowing- had met I'd lost myself. It was my way of protecting myself, my way of trying to make people like me. And it came at an enormous price.

Being a tree 🏝️ is hard work. I have to been seen now - no flowing away or rushing to try and disappear. I have to embrace the leaves and branches that suit me. Even if those aren't the ones someone else likes. 🌟

But I also GET to do that now. And so can you.

It's hard to give up being water 💦 - but if you're a tree, I promise you that the joy you'll get from growing your new branches and being seen as you have always been is priceless.

If you're not sure how to get there, like and follow my page. Sign up for my email list. We'll talk about how to unlock our true selves with a coaching program, expressive arts experience, with self-care, with growth, with resilience: 🌳🌲🌴

Join me.

One of the reasons I developed Radical Wellness is because I've seen this exact approach all too often. We are waiting for the trauma (for the hard thing if the word 'trauma' makes you squeamish) before we learn to deal with it.

That's a bad plan for most things - but it's especially bad for learning to deal with trauma. Here's why:

When you encounter something that causes a trauma-response (or a trigger) in you, your brain does its job and alerts the 'first responder', your amygdala. Amygdala has one job and it does it very, very well - to keep you safe. That includes shutting down or overriding much of the rest of your brain - including your frontal lobe (where the pre-frontal and frontal cortex's dealing with problem-solving, language, decision-making, regulation, etc.) live.

If you don't know how to calm and regulate this response before it happens, you aren't going to be able to manage it during, or after, the event.

Radical Wellness acknowledges that hard things are going to happen to us in life and, instead of shying away from that fact, looks at all the ways we can understand ourselves and our needs so that we have skills at-the-ready to respond to that fire.

Whether you need to learn this skill for the first time - or relearn it - to manage what's in front of you, visit me at The Better Living Collaborative and I can help!

Healing isn’t simple—it’s messy, intense, and sometimes downright confusing. You’ll probably ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” more than once. So, here’s the real secret: it’s not just about feeling better (though that’s pretty amazing when it happens!), it’s about becoming a force for good. Your healing creates a ripple effect, inspiring others to repair and grow, too. 🌱

Healing serves the world— and you can be the change that stops the cycle of damage.