Creative Life Center

The Dangers of Polite
By Sharon Niman Lundgren
A good friend served as a bouncer for years at Tahoe casinos where he frequently worked with law enforcement. He said there were a lot of nice, polite girls who wound up in the morgue, at the bottom of the lake, or, at the least, in the hospital. Why? Because they were so conditioned to be nice, friendly, and polite, even when their intuition screamed something was “off”. We hear stories all the time of women who are r***d, murdered, or in an abusive relationship, led to their demise by the fear of being rude, unfriendly, unlovable, or mean. Yes, we should conduct ourselves with grace, but sometimes good manners are dangerous.

And men are not immune. Many of them have been killed, injured, or conned (often by dangerous women) because they were trying to be the good guy.

Most of us, especially those on the spiritual path are taught that we must always be loving, kind, compassionate, polite. True, we SHOULD act from the highest within us, but not to the detriment of our own well-being. The spiritual principles emphasize treating others as good as ourselves, but they do not teach us to treat others better than ourselves, or to hurt ourselves in the process of pleasing another.

How many times have we put ourselves in precarious situations, agreed to things not in our best interest, proceeded in relationships that were not healthy, or exposed ourselves to conditions that were potentially harmful to our physical, mental, and emotional health? All because we were afraid of saying “no”, of being rude, of not being liked, of upsetting someone else.

We can’t assume that others always behave in our best interests. That being said, not everyone’s actions are nefarious. Sometimes our peeps get us into circumstances that are not good for us accidentally or carelessly. They don’t think of how their actions may affect us. It’s not intentional. However, WE must remain intentional and protect ourselves.

You are a child of the Most High God/dess. Hold yourself in high regard. You are worthy of good treatment. You must look our for yourself. In fact, you honor the Divine within you by protecting your spirit from that which is not good for you. If that means saying “no” or being impolite now and then—so be it!

We must each be a Light in this world and shine that Light everywhere we go. But we should not allow the darkness of the world or in others to drain, or s***f out our light. So stand firm in your light. Be kind, loving, polite, but don’t be afraid to throw some thunderbolts when necessary.

Get Control Through Play
By Sharon Niman Lundgren
Whew! There is much craziness and chaos in the world. It’s creating anxiety, panic, anger, and despair in many people. Why? Because they feel that they can’t control any of it. They’re correct. But worrying about what we can’t control is a waste of energy and the path to misery. How DO we feel a measure of control over our own lives? By adopting a playful attitude!

My friend and play coach, Anthony Trahair, says “A playful mind always looks for variations.” Many of us feel our lives must be mapped out, organized, and under our control. When things fall out of order or don’t go as planned, we grow angry and/or anxious, and maybe even completely flip out. The playful approach flows with spontaneity, embraces unpredictability, and seeks alternate variables. A playful attitude enables us to take what comes, make the best of it, and even have fun with it. When we live from a playful space, we are open to the variations in life and actively seek them out to make life more interesting and adventurous.

The more we FIGHT to stay in control, the less control we have. But if you want to FEEL more in control of your life, approach it playfully. When we’re able to move with the flow and play with what happens, the more in control we’ll feel. If the rug gets pulled from under us, we just dance into a new balance. The more we PLAY to be in control, the more we gain control over the circumstances of our lives. And, life becomes more fun.

Even though it seems like we can’t control what’s happening in the world, we can introduce joy, healing, love, and peace in our corner of it through play. Keep playing and having fun. Invite your fellow humans to join you on the playground of life.

Play Together!
By Sharon Niman Lundgren
In my previous two blogs I’ve talked about how play heals the body and fortifies the immune system as well as sharpens mental acuity. Play also heals and strengthens our relationships. We often speak of a couple getting “serious” when they’re becoming more intense or committed. However I suggest that getting too “serious” is what gets us in trouble. To deepen and strengthen our intimate bonds, we need to become more playful, not more serious. We need to have fun.

We say that people who “pray together, stay together.” The same is true that couples who play together, stay together. Families who play together remain close. Friends who play together create a stronger support system. Companies who promote playfulness and curiosity among employees increase morale and productiveness. It certainly reduces absenteeism and increases worker retention.

People want to stay in places and in relationships that are playful. Of course, “serious” issues do arise, but those with a playful attitude can more successfully navigate the turbulence, and collaborate toward a win-win resolution. Natalie Reed in The Science of Fun For Adults says, “Shared fun experiences create positive associations with one’s partner and provide a buffer against inevitable stresses and conflicts that arise in any relationship.”

Though we can play alone, play is mostly a social activity. Children learn how to relate with others and to understand their membership in humanity through playing with other children and adults. Social situations are difficult for a lot of people who may suffer from certain degrees of social anxiety. I believe social anxiety is caused from not enough childhood and adult playfulness. Play eases social tension because the focus is on fun. It promotes social bonding and personal intimacy. If we want to increase our social confidence, meet new people, and fortify our relationships, then we need to go out and play together. In fact, a trend in some major cities are “play bars”. Rather than drinking and dancing, the focus is on playful games from childhood. There are also several adult kid camps where people engage in activities they enjoyed at childhood camp. Their premise is that play is a good way to get to know people and increase compassion and understanding.

SARK, who has authored multiple books on playfulness and creativity wrote about a fight she was in with a friend. She asked a child she knew what she did when she and a friend were fighting. The little girl replied, “We wait until one of us forgets and that one calls the other and says, ‘Hey, you want to play?’” If we’re having a challenge or difficulty with a friend or loved one, let’s be the one who “forgets”. Let’s call them and say, “Hey, let’s do something fun.” Then allow the power of play to heal the relationship.

So, yes, let’s pray together. The world needs more prayer. But let’s also remember to play together. The world needs a lot more of that too. The more we meet on the playground, the less we’ll meet on the battlefield.

Why the Rules?
By Sharon Niman Lundgren
I attended a class on making art out of old books by folding the pages into certain patterns. Due to lack of instruction guidelines, it was a disaster. I went to have fun and relieve stress, but wound up feeling stressed out over the art project. I realized that to be fun, even play needs rules.

Play is frequently described as an enjoyable, yet purposeless activity done for it’s own sake, often with no set rules. Yes, there are times when fun needs to be free, spontaneous, and unencumbered by rules. But sometimes it’s the rules, established parameters, which make certain play and games enjoyable. Without them, play becomes chaotic, stressful, and absolutely no fun at all.

Many of us pride ourselves in being free spirits, thumbing our nose at the rules. But even free spirits need rules, else we have difficulty surviving and thriving in this world. Without them our lives can become a disruptive mess and a series of unhealthy choices that prevent us from meaningful achievement. Also, what’s the point in being a rebel if there are no rules to rebel against? Rules give rebellion its purpose.

To become our best and achieve anything in life, we need societal, educational, and spiritual principles to establish our abilities and guide our personal and moral behavior. We learn and grow through guidelines and rules that govern our chosen areas of study and work. And although “wandering” has its time and purpose, we need to develop a sense of direction in life, else we wander aimlessly, accomplishing nothing and becoming vulnerable to being misled into unwise circumstances.

Indeed, there are times when rules are restrictive, controlling, and oppressive. When they violate our personal rights or safety, we need to push back and stand against them. Rules should help, not suppress, our spirit. So play by the rules to enhance your life, change them when necessary, and thumb your nose at them when wickedly, but wisely fun!