Hyper Intelligent Stoat & Other Descriptions

It's OK to not be ok.

And we don't f**k with the police around here.

Here are places you can call that will not call the police if you are in crisis.

Please feel free to share and note that these include q***r and BI&POC resources.

You are loved and you are not alone.

I don't think we can ever truly outrun our past. We aren't meant to keep a punishing pace forever and sooner or later, things catch up to us.

Last night, I had three dreams that were discomforting. The first had a man in it who somehow was linked to one of my oldest friends. The other two were situational dreams in which I slowly realized things were Not OK. I think someone should make a horror movie where things slowly, insidiously change. It's a blink and you miss it but eventually, you look around and everything is wrong.

And you never saw it coming, it just sort of slunk in and blended into the background and then slowly metamorphed the environment.

Quiet trauma is like that, I feel. Maybe trauma with a small t. Or trauma that isn't loud and demands your attention right away. Something that is insidious and innocous. Until it isn't.

At any rate, something is ticking away in my head and I believe I know what part of it is. And I had to send an email out so I can deal with that part of it. I wish I didn't have to; it sets off every f**king flight/fight/fawn/freeze reaction I have. It's been exhausting, this past two months.

So my subconscious has a field day and romps across my dreamscape in distinctly unpleasant ways.

People might want to search for cryptids in certain places, those gothic horrors of the midwest that are told in folktales and stories, in legends and myths. I think we all forget that we can draw them into us as well, if we're not careful. If we don't watch and draw boundaries and barriers both sacred and not.

The Big Bad Wolf is always out there. The better to see you, my child. It would not do to forget that.

So. This thing that I am dealing with that consists of many parts of my small t and large T traumas, that brings back the memories buried deep within, I will survive it. I always have been the last person standing.

But at what cost? I've no idea yet but so far, the down payment is very dear.