Naturally Ina

This photo has been sitting in my drafts waiting to be shared for several months. I saw it today and thought to myself, I barely even recognize her anymore. Then when I read the caption I originally wrote I choked up.

I choked up because it was a reminder of how far I’ve come, even in just this last year.

Here’s the original caption:

“As I heal more and more (thank God), I’m reminded of the dreams I had to let go of to survive. Truth is, I feel a strong pull to chase those dreams once again but the lingering fear is palpable. How do we trust our bodies can handle the things that once brought us to our knees?

I guess that’s the path I’m on right now, learning to re-trust my body and my capabilities. Learning to trust that I can take risks and even if they don’t work out, it’ll still be worth it.”

The crazy part is I remember writing this out, I remember feeling so unsure of how much my body could handle. I remember trying to quiet the fear that was telling me I wasn’t ready.

Reading this today I feel so proud of myself because I can honestly say I’m not afraid of taking those risks anymore, if anything they excite me. Because for the first time in what feels like forever, I trust my body. Sure, I may need to rest more than the average person. Sure, my health impacts my plans from time to time.. but I’m able to live. Like really live and enjoy each moment without spending so much energy just trying to push through.

I’m healing. Every day, in every way;
and I’m just so grateful I could cry.

If you’re in the thick of it, whatever “it” is, let this be your reminder to keep going. Good (even great) days are just around the corner.

📸: .jonsaw

If I’m a lot, go find less.

📸:

It still doesn’t feel real.

It hurts to share this because it just makes it that much more real.. but, last week we lost our Togo. The chief of the house. The dog that literally showed up out of nowhere and stole all of our hearts.

Togo, as happy as I am that you are no longer in pain.. it really hurts that you’re not here physically anymore. There’s a void in the house, when I walk downstairs I find myself walking to your corner to say good morning and am quickly reminded that your body is no longer here.

You’ve been there for me through so much.
Through heartbreak
debilitating pain
anxiety
panic attacks
grief
you’ve been there through literally everything since I’ve moved back home.

Though some may see dogs as just pets, you’re not just a pet.. you’re family. Family that only shows unconditional love... no anger, no frustration, no annoyance, never bitter or too busy.. never mad.. just a lifesize furry ball of unconditional love.

That’s why it hurts extra bad.
You are the sweetest, most gentle spirit.
Feisty when needed,
the ultimate protector/ guard dog..
tbh, you’re the reason I feel safe.

_____________

You were there for me through the darkest days, days I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through.

I’ll keep this brief but it’s important to say,
even if it sounds crazy to some,
I never actually thought I’d outlive you.

_______________

I know you’re still here, and I’m sure I’ll see you around more and more as time goes (thanks for the signs you’re sending already btw!).. but it doesn’t make this whole situation any less sad.

I miss you so much Togo. I’ll love you forever.
Until we see each other again 💛

xxooooo,
your favorite tia.

———
*ps. Thanks for giving us a few extra days to love you in person. 💛 **pps. Thank you for letting me give you a real extra long hug before you left. I know you hate those 😅😭💛💔 @ Miami, Florida