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As a psychologist in private practice, I also ran groups at a substance abuse center for men. Most of the men had been in and out of prison. It was there that I learned the dark stories and deep childhood trauma that caused them to spiral into crime and drug use.

Those stories shared that will stay with me for a long time.

Crime, addiction, assault, and the other harsh things we deal with as a collective society are not random. They are reflections of what people have witnessed, who their role models were, and the support and autonomy they were (or were not given.)

As a culture we are so focused on success and accomplishment. We focus on how things appear and ignore how they feel. We don’t speak about generational trauma cycles and the epigenetic weight our ancestors carried. We keep so many things in the dark, not realizing those dark secrets eventually become dark actions.

If we want a safe and secure society, we have to have the courage to face our unresolved trauma. We have to speak openly about toxic family systems. We have to have boundaries around things and difficult conversations that set the foundation for people to do the inner work.

The evil that we see in our world comes from wounds. Deep wounds. Wounds of inadequacy or envy. Woulds of shame or rejection. The problem is these wounds don’t show up in a blood test. They’re invisible to most people. No one can rescue you from them. They heal only when you commit to no longer living on the pain of autopilot. They heal when you recognize you were gifted with conscious choice and commit to new (small) choices, every day.

The CCD has called adverse childhood events (ACES) a major health risk. From heart disease, to chronic conditions, to substance use the science is clear. But there are also emotional risks that effect and infect our entire culture.

Once you see it, you can unsee it.

Break the cycles, end the “evil”

From my latest newsletter:
…
January as a Relational Practice

What if we treated these early days of the year not as a performance review…
but as a relational practice?

A chance to gently notice:
• where we get defensive
• where we withdraw
• where we choose being liked over being known
• where old patterns speak louder than our best intentions

Not to shame ourselves —
but to meet ourselves with clarity and compassion.

Because we don’t start a new year as blank slates.
We start it as we are.
…

Much love 🙏🏽,

Ry