dr.monterroso

Have you ever said “if you don’t XYZ, I’m going to take away your iPad!”
The problem is that it sends the message that you were standing in between what they want. 🤨 However that’s not the message that we want to send the children.
We want them to know that ✨their action✨ is with standing in their way of getting what they want. If we can build that connection with a child then the parents often don’t need to discipline as the natural consequence will come to play.
What kind of relationships do you see play out with your children?
Example:
1) if you finish your morning routine then you can have TV. If you don’t do your morning routine then there’s no TV.
2) when you finish your chores then you can go outside. If you wanna go outside and the chores need to be done

Be there for your child, protecting them against even themselves. Threatening children with the reality of the consequences can be too overwhelming for children sometimes. We want to encourage children to change their behaviors in order to protect them from real consequences but we don’t need to do it so directly.

Don’t let your message get distracted.

Reacting. Sometimes we react to children in hopes of helping them learn or prevent them from running into the difficulties of the world. We want to protect our children by stopping bad habits that they may be engaging in so that they won’t get bullied or people will decide not to be their friends.
The intention is great, however the delivery might need a little bit of help. As I’ve mentioned before children are very in the moment creatures and it’s difficult for them to truly understand the bigger picture. Though the first statement has valid information, the bluntness of it may be distracting for children and they may miss interpret the meaning of what you’re saying.
How might you rephrase the initial reaction?

How did you develop who you are as a parent? We forget to ask the questions to grow insight on the things that influence the foundations of who we are as parents. We judge our bad moments, but do you have enough insight to change it?
What’s the hardest question to answer? Tell me below! ⬇️