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GrowNOW Parent Training: 3 Common Mistakes I see Parents Make that can inhibit the development of Social Executive Function Skills

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GrowNOW Parent Training: 50-50 Social Reciprocity

Your child isn't being difficult with their friends by accident.

When kids learn at home that disrespect works — that they can snap, demand, ignore, and still get what they want five minutes later — their brain files that away as the social rulebook.

50-50 reciprocity isn't a personality trait. It's a skill. And it only develops when it's actually required.

The home is where social executive function gets built or broken. If your child never has to regulate, repair, or wait at home, they won't know how to do it anywhere else.

This is what I call the reciprocity gap — and closing it starts with what you allow in your own living room.

*The Executive Function Playbook* breaks down exactly how the home environment shapes your child's social brain. Link in bio to connect with GrowNOW.

**References**

Gresham, F. M., & Elliott, S. N. (1990). *Social skills rating system manual*. American Guidance Service.

Barkley, R. A. (2012). *Executive functions: What they are, how they work, and why they evolved*. Guilford Press.

**5 Ways the Reciprocity Gap Shows Up — and How Parents Can Help**

1. **Child demands immediate responses** — Parent practices "I'll answer when you ask respectfully," modeling that communication is a two-way exchange, not a transaction.
2. **Child ignores when spoken to** — Parent names it calmly: "When I'm talking to you, I need your eyes. That's what people expect from you everywhere."
3. **Child takes without acknowledging** — Parent holds the pause: snack, screen, or privilege only happens after a genuine exchange of words.
4. **Child exits conversations when bored** — Parent narrates: "In friendships, you stay in the conversation even when it's not your turn to be the star."
5. **Child blames others after conflict** — Parent resists rescuing the narrative and instead asks: "What did the other person need from you in that moment?"

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**5 Ways to Break the Vicious Cycle**

1. **Require repair, not just apology** — After disrespect, the child must do something to restore the relationship before normal life resumes. Words alone aren't enough.
2. **Stop filling the silence** — Let natural awkwardness exist. Kids who are always rescued from discomfort never build the tolerance real friendships demand.
3. **Name the double standard out loud** — "You wouldn't talk to a friend's parent that way. I deserve the same." Say it plainly and without anger.
4. **Tie privileges to relational behavior** — Screen time, outings, and freedoms are earned partly through how your child treats the people around them, not just through completing tasks.
5. **Model 50-50 in your own relationships** — Let your child see you listen, compromise, and repair. The most powerful social EF lesson happens when they watch you do it.