avisatz

Ceremony Reflection ✨

Last night, Grandmother said to me, “If you don’t let go of the past, you will have nothing to hold in your future.”

My intention was for emotional healing- I had asked her to help me receive love from others, embrace connections and to have greater trust around intimacy.

I told her that I was scared to be hurt again and to experience more loss and hopelessness.

She said, “You will be hurt again, and you will experience loss. This is life in its wholeness, there is darkness and light. Be present and embrace it just as you want to embrace others.”

She touched my chest, and left.
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When I’m in fear, I am not free. When it comes love and connections, I still protect myself from the hurt of the past.

This is why I’m 38 and alone.

I do not want to be alone anymore, so my intention is to be present, and honest in my relationships moving forward. Regardless if those relationships end, if my love isn’t reciprocated, or even if my love is maliciously attacked.

I am more than a hurt man, and greater than a protector, I have well’s worth of tears and an abundance of love to share.

I’m grateful to have spoken with Grandmother, I feel her with me today, blessing me on this path.

With Love,
🐺❤️

I have an inner child who can be quite playful, spirited and recalls some REALLY good times, with closeness and love.

And my inner child also recalls being hurt, alone, empty and fearful.

At times my inner child comes out and presents himself in interesting ways. He can be quite enthusiastic and outgoing, even sheepishly shy!

He can also be withdrawn, lonely, or shut down as a way to protect himself when he’s uncomfortable or fearful.

Lately, I’ve been trying to be more aware and to better receive/support my inner child when he is hurting.

When he and I pause, regulate, explore, and process, my inner child gets to heal which helps me grow into the adult he was meant to be.

I’m currently noticing subtle situations where I still struggle to be open and receive. A big source of why I hurt inside.

When he heals, I heal too❤️‍🩹.