Heymann Consulting

I have had a fruitful and blessed career, or should I say, a wonderful calling. Not sure if this could be a calling, but I have never worked at a fast food restaurant, and I want to. FOMO

Win the Argument, or Win the Relationship? Which comes first?

The book “Rare Leadership” (2016) is a classic. The authors, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder (Ph.D. in clinical psychology) suggest that most leaders are trained in left-brain problem-solving but are undertrained in right-brain relationship-building.

It’s evident that many leadership challenges “have less to do with strategic planning than the ability to handle difficult relationships and upsetting emotions" (11).

They conclude the book by stating, ". . . we have found that nothing is more predictive of leadership effectiveness than personal maturity" (193).

In this book, they examine brain science and quote Chris Shaw, who claimed, "Leadership has become heavily influenced by managerial models so that the term 'lead' has come to mean organizational skills rather than people skills'" (20).

Let’s admit it: our biggest problems are mostly people problems followed by the lack of measurable production, which, of course, ties back to “People problems”. The authors claim that "Sandbox leaders” are grownups in leadership positions who lack the emotional maturity to create meaningful relationships with their followers (41). Again, they are not suggesting that striving for results is bad, but if leaders are entirely results-driven, the emotional wheels will eventually come off their wagon. Emotionally healthy organizations achieve results year in and year out.

Furthermore, "When leaders begin to be swayed by who is going to get upset, they are surrendering their guidance to the most emotionally unstable person in the group" (80).

They argue that "relationships are the root of joy, and joy is the jet fuel of high-performing teams" (15).

Leaders must endorse two primary goals: 1) get results and 2) build productive, positive relationships (89). Joy will emerge, and results will follow.