Adapt Well Coaching

Celebrating life

(or our return to life) with my 🎀

I don't discriminate based on health conditions (or lack thereof), but there are some things that are just impossible to understand unless you've been through them.

Five things that I learned from my battle with cancer:
📌 Prioritize myself and my well-being. Always.
📌 Be authentic and honest with myself.
📌 Slow down as much as possible.
📌 It's not a problem if it can be fixed with money.
📌 Anything thatcan not be done should not be done.
Lazy is the new productive.

Here's to Tati 2.0 - stronger, happier, wiser. Cheers!

Although quite rarely, I've encountered situations where I witnessed someone getting robbed. Each time, I was terrified of being blamed.

When a stranger's child fell off a bike next to me on the street, I also felt guilty. When someone is worse off than me, I feel it, too. Our generation (born in the 1970s and 80s) tends to easily shoulder guilt and responsibility without distinguishing between the two.

✔ Guilt is where there's damage.
✔ Responsibility is where you influence the outcome and decision-making power.

It is an absurd feeling of omnipotence and powerlessness at the same time, a hellish mix that, as I know, can consume a lot of our energy to constantly suppress anxiety, fear of punishment, guilt, and horror of imagined consequences.

Years of therapy allowed me to wake up one morning without feeling those weights around my neck—at 47, for the first time, I felt how easy it is to live when you don't feel guilty for everything happening around you.

When you wake up to guilt, fear, and excessive responsibility, you must ask yourself: What and who am I responsible for? Usually, it's our children and pets. Everything else depends not on us but on the will of other healthy adult people.

Guilt is tightly linked to conscience for us; we think that without guilt, we will become shameless. But that's not true.
Here's a little exercise. As you read this, try to take a deep breath, sit up straight, and imagine that you've been asked to play the role of a calm, serene adult in a movie that depicts a peaceful, measured life, like an English estate (you can choose your plot).

Stay in that role for a while. Take at least 10 seconds to breathe. The role of a person who doesn't know what unfair accusations or constant self-blame are like.

❓ What do you see from this role?
❓How does your morning look?
❓Your evening?
❓Your weekends?
❓Your workload?
❓Your relationships with children or your partner?
❓How has your sense of self-worth changed?

From this same role, you can think about your real responsibilities. What commitments did you unconsciously take on to rid yourself of guilt?

Usually, one of the results of this exercise is reassessing your relationship with time, especially rushing.
You'll be able to review your to-do list, your distance from people, and your schedule if you regularly breathe calmly for 10 seconds a day and ask yourself the same question:
❗ ❗❗❗
"If I didn't feel overwhelmed, guilty, and scared right now, if I were free from this, what would I do, and how would I do it?"
What do YOU think?

Hi there, I'm Tatiana Bell. I specialize in guiding accomplished women on their professional journey to conquer overwhelm and thrive. Together, we'll cultivate clarity, self-love, and well-being for a healthier, more content life. Let's embark on this transformative journey together!

"I never seem to have enough time, and I feel so anxious like I'm constantly behind on homework."

We often find ourselves hitting the same wall: people make many promises without thinking them through. Sometimes, they make them on the fly, and later on, they don't even remember.
Eventually, they find themselves buried under their own unfulfilled promises, with these commitments hanging over them like a dark cloud, making them feel like perpetual debtors.

Why does this happen?

Sometimes, we feel guilty when someone close to us needs something.
We want to be the "good guy" - it's how we earn love and approval.
In the moment of promise, we sincerely believe we can keep it, but then we start dodging because we underestimated our resources.

Sometimes, unconsciously, we want the other person to depend on us.
The second part of this cycle starts when we procrastinate, fail to deliver, begin avoiding the person we promised, get angry and annoyed with them, start spending our meager resources to fulfill promises, and feel drained, tired, and irritated.

If you constantly owe someone something or feel like a lousy friend/professional/family member, it's time to pause and review those promises.

What's important to do if you need help with a mountain of your promises?

Tell the people you promised that you can't keep them: "I want to warn you and apologize: I promised you this, but I won't be able to do it now. Sorry. I don't have the resources, and I don't know when I will."

Track when you're about to mindlessly say, "I'll do it," and stop yourself. Instead, say, "I'm sorry, I'd love to help, but I don't have the energy right now. I'm sorry."

Know your "triggers". Some of us are easily manipulated when someone complains to us; others when they flatter us or say, "Who, if not you?"; still, others when they suddenly speak to us coldly or sternly.

I think it would be a good idea to make a secret list of people you regularly promise something to. And with these people, carefully monitor your reactions.

A person who doesn't promise much may not become the most popular figure for requests to drive to the airport or hang out in their spare time, but they have more personal time, energy, and peace of mind.

And, of course, the vicious circle of "wanted to feel like a hero, ended up feeling like a perpetual debtor and guilty for not keeping up" breaks at this point. Not quickly, though.

Hi there, I'm Tatiana Bell, your go-to stress buster. I specialize in guiding accomplished women on their professional journey to conquer overwhelm and thrive. Together, we'll cultivate clarity, self-love, and well-being for a healthier, more content life. Let's embark on this transformative journey together!

Hey there, Facebook fam! 🌟
Ready to level up your self-compassion game and conquer those pesky feelings of shame and stress?

🚀 Join me for an epic workshop where we'll dive deep into understanding shame and its effects on our bodies and minds.

As we step into the realm of self-compassion, I can't help but feel like we're venturing into Brené Brown backyard - but hey, the more the merrier, right?

🎉 Let's explore the psychology behind shame, unpack practical strategies for building resilience, and even learn some awesome coaching approaches together.
Because let's face it, understanding and overcoming self-shame is a big step on our stress management journey.

Tag a friend who needs to join you, and let's make this workshop one to remember!

See link in the first comment

⭐ "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" by Peter A. Levine offers valuable insights into trauma and its healing potential.

HERE ARE SOME KEY LESSONS:

1️⃣ Trauma Involves the Body: Levine emphasizes that trauma isn't solely a mental experience; our bodies play a significant role, holding onto what the mind struggles to process.

2️⃣ Allow Natural Reactions: The book advocates letting our bodies naturally respond to trauma, allowing for the release of pent-up energy.

3️⃣ Freeze Mode and Feeling Stuck: Levine explores the freeze response and how understanding it is crucial for releasing trapped energy and returning to normal.

4️⃣ Listen to Your Gut Feeling: The concept of "felt sense" involves tuning into your gut feelings, letting your body guide you, particularly in the Somatic Experiencing approach.

5️⃣ Body and Emotions Connection: The book links physical sensations with emotional trauma, emphasizing that dealing with trauma involves addressing both aspects.

6️⃣ Survival Instincts: Levine discusses natural survival instincts in animals and humans, highlighting our inherent abilities to cope with challenges.

7️⃣ Breathe and Move It Out: The importance of breath and movement in dealing with trauma is emphasized, using simple techniques to shake off negative emotions.

8️⃣ Regain Control: The concept of embodied self-regulation involves trusting your body to handle difficulties and finding ways to help it regulate itself.

9️⃣ Trauma Can Lead to Growth: The book suggests that navigating trauma can be a path to personal growth, turning a challenging experience into an opportunity for improvement.

🔟 Kindness in Healing: Levine emphasizes the importance of self-kindness and seeking support during the healing journey.

‼️Remember, these insights are just a glimpse, and delving into the book will provide a more comprehensive understanding.

ADDITIONALLY, seeking professional support is always a good idea if needed!