Marie Rossiter - Writer

It's been about a month since I recommitted to myself. I signed back up for WW, but decided to abandon the white-knuckle approach of eating and exercise.

For a long time, I talked about not chasing perfection. But, inside, I constantly beat myself down when I didn't nail every aspect of this journey. When I'd look at the scale, I'd see a number that didn't align with how I felt.

So, I needed to do more, work harder, and get faster. For short periods, my emotional state would be fantastic, but then I'd crash when looking at the numbers or myself in the mirror.

This time, I'm working on that side of the journey as I go along. Healthy living isn't as simple as counting points or calories and constantly working out. If it were that simple, no one would have an obesity problem.

I'm examining the ups and downs (literally on the scale and emotionally) and genuinely starting to understand that it's all part of this gift we call living. I'm working through not looking at every piece of data I track or things I do as a way to judge myself and my worth.

I believe my "failures" of the past are rooted in that dysfunctional thinking. I used to avoid those feelings with food. Then, I did it with over-exercising and obsessive thoughts about food.

It's not just about the food--that is not inherently good or bad. It's how I connect with food in relation to myself.

It's all about how I feel about myself where I'm at now--not 100 pounds from now.

And it's challenging.

Yet, I'm facing it and getting stronger each day.