Verbena Counseling

I’ve been working with my own therapist on what it is that I most want for myself and the hurdles that interfere with those wants (and needs).

The more we explore together, the more hurdles we find… but there’s usually a root, a belief, an adaptive strategy I have placed in my way that has a protective purpose. (This is true for many of us).

As a new mom, it is really hard for me to set aside time for myself. I feel the guilt of stepping away, the fear of missing moments, and alllll the anxious thoughts that ping-pong through my head. But me, the me who is not a mom, wife, daughter, and sister desperately needs quiet, and nature, and alone time to reconnect to myself.

When I make room for all the feelings, understand and become curious about why I use protective strategies to “keep things in order”, become curious about what purpose the guilt and anxiety serve, I also make more room for the me that exists outside of those feelings. And when I finally allow all these experiences to exist, I become more settled within. I get to be me. 🧡🍂🍁

Book shown in the 2nd photo is NeuroAffective Relational Model. I love NARM as a therapeutic approach for myself and for my clients. I love its focus on the relationship, the focus on simply being present with a person’s experience and staying curious. I love that it doesn’t force or push to make connections and most of all, I love that the point is to allow all experiences, and not just celebrate the perceived wins. We all need to know that the adaptive strategies we’ve acquired are not bad. They are purposeful and we need to understand and honor their hard work to keep us safe in different ways.

Radical acceptance (RA) often gets misconstrued as being okay with something or learning to be happy, when in actuality it’s the opposite.

RA helps us manage distress by allowing us to recognize our pain without it turning into further suffering. But RA is an active choice and it is something we may have to do over and over again.

* Dealing with feelings can be scary, overwhelming or downright triggering (if there’s trauma involved). Often, avoiding feelings is a way to protect ourselves.
* Sometimes we don’t even know we’re avoiding feelings because disconnection from feelings is a learned response, often from lack of safety expressing them since youth.
* Whatever the reason for avoiding emotions, I encourage you to seek help. Once you can identify, learn to experience and share your emotions, it can be liberating. It can also help bring language to experiences you couldn’t previously put words too.