In All Things

Time seems to stand still when you are doing your best to stand up under the weight of so much heartache. Until one day, you realize you are not carrying the burden alone.

For years - four years to be exact - I feared the worst. I fought with all the strength I could muster to prevent the worst.

And then, the worst happened.

There isn't much I remember about the days that immediately followed. Bits and pieces, really. Most of the moments are like a blur with the humming sound of voices and fuzzy images of faces I can't seem to exactly recall. But, there are vivid memories that my heart cherishes.

I remember the friend that held me in the driveway that night as we sat on the concrete and I sobbed harder than I've ever sobbed before. I remember staring into my babies' faces the next morning and watching their tiny hearts break into a million pieces. I remember the friend that showed up every single day in the first two weeks. I remember the unimaginable outpouring of love from our family and friends.

It's in the remembering that gratefulness is stirred up. And gratefulness is the place were perspective shifts.

Perhaps the hard things can be gifts from God, too.

All those years spent praying for the worst to not be part of our story, begging God for it not to happen - reminds me that Jesus, too, asked God to take the cup from Him. And then He immediately replied, "yet not my will but yours be done."

Asking the cup to be taken from you doesn't mean it will be removed from your hand.

Pain and suffering can be the richest soil for something beautiful to bloom - if we allow the tears to leave us tender to the gifts God is giving us in our season of heartache. Through my season of heartache and this gift of grief, I am more keenly aware of the heartache of others. Empathy springs forth like never before.

I believe with all my heart that God loves to work miracles in the lives of His suffering children. All of my heartache, all of my grief, all of the dark nights of the soul are the very places where God has loved to outstandingly give me the richest gifts. And gifts from God are always meant to be shared - never to be privately held.

These gifts He has given me during this season, as hard as they are to share, will be used for His good and glory. And my most sincerest prayer is they impact the lives of all who dare to partake in the gift and echo into eternity for Kingdom purposes.

Whatever your pain, your heartache, your suffering may be today - hear me say this to you with gentle reassurance.

I see you.
I hear you.
I love you.
I am with you.
I am for you.

Now, hear Jesus speaking those same words directly to your soul. For if anyone understands pain and suffering, it is Him.

As we enter into this season of thanksgiving, I find myself grateful for these gifts of heartache and grief. Because these are the very things that have brought me closer to the One who knows all and sees all and understands all. And He is doing the magnificent work of weaving it all together in a way that is good and right and true.