The Gorham Homestead

BREAKING NEWS: Grover Escalates the War

Well folks…

I think we’ve finally figured out what happened.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to go pick wild blackberries. It sounded like fun. It’s my yearly ritual where I eat more than I get into the bowl. Fresh berries, homemade jam, maybe a blackberry cobbler… just a peaceful afternoon enjoying God’s creation.

What I failed to account for was the enemy.

The blackberry bushes fought back.

At first, it was the thorns.

Then the briars.

Then the spider webs that somehow always find your face.

I survived all of that.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward a couple of weeks…

Y’all…

I am STILL itching.

From head to toe.

And yes… before anybody asks…

Including BOTH butt cheeks. (I have no idea how that happened.) 

I’ve tried every remedy known to mankind. Benadryl. Prescription creams. Over-the-counter creams. Anti-itch lotions. Cold showers. Hot showers. Fingernail polish. Alcohol. If somebody on the internet claimed it worked, I’ve probably tried it.

At this point, I’m convinced these chiggers have signed a long-term lease.

But then…It hit me.

This wasn’t random.
This was strategic.

Grover knew I was getting ready to install the new DeerBusters fence around the garden.

He knew his days of free tomatoes were numbered.

So what did he do?

HE DEPLOYED THE CHIGGERS.

It was a coordinated biological attack designed to delay construction while I was too busy scratching to hold a post-hole digger.

Honestly…

I have to respect the commitment.

The tomatoes didn’t work.

The stealth attacks didn’t work.

So he escalated. He got us all. Every last one of us have been eaten alive by those tiny demons.

That being said, authorities at The Gorham Homestead now believe Grover has formed an alliance with local chigger militias operating within the blackberry thickets.

An investigation is ongoing.

The Department of Homeland Tomato Security has raised the threat level to “Aggressively Itchy.”

The good news?

The DeerBusters fence is almost finished.

The bad news?

I’m still scratching like I’m a m**h addict.

Nice try, Grover.

Your biological warfare campaign may have slowed me down…

But your tomato buffet is officially coming to a screeching halt.

Stay tuned.

The battle for The Gorham Homestead Row Garden is far from over. 🍅😂

Kids Farmers Market Kids Farmers Market is a free opportunity for young entrepreneurs to sell their farm products, homemade goods, baked treats, crafts, and more at The Gorham Homestead. Spaces are limited, so advance registration is required. Parents or guardians must remain with their children throughout the event.