Phynixx da blogga

02/12/2024

https://bluebirdznest.blogspot.com/?m=1

06/07/2023

I have always wondered what its like

To live your life

In a a normal state of mind

Cuz see my mind is constantly battling my heart

And that’s caused me to do so much toxic bu****it-

I have allowed myself to be hurt in order to know what the opposite of love is

But then I hurt the ones who love me because in my mind its like everybodys out to get me

In some way I just want this s**t to go away im so tired of feelin

Like im just some kind of test

And everyone -who takes the test of me

Is always a cheat

But now I -am just a lil more careful who I let around me

But the snake is in the grass just waitin to bite me

And its like I walk into the fangs knowing the outcome but still choosing to walk into

The venoumous reason why ill probably be dead soon

I hate to split that s**t is sthe worst its like watchin me but shes the worst version

Of somebody who once upon ago was whole until that one thing made her scared and broke her

If I was at the borderline about to jump over hurdles to fix me id never let you have seen this side of me

I hate how I lose my s**t at the smallest trigger

It shouldn’t be that easy for me to crash out and wake up and

Have your heart in the blender

I love you but I don’t love me and I don’t know how you can love me when I cant understand why I want your love so bad but I am gonna push you away until you want nothing to do with me

That’s the part that hurts the most

Knowing this is not the me I was when you first met me

That’s another split a good one tho cuz I was so happy n s**t

I self medicate to relieve all the pain that’s internally killing me

but nothing subsides just sitting here high with tears in my eyes

blaming you for all the others that I manipulated in to me being the victim and them ending up

in that other bitch bed

its not your fault you should not have to take on the tears

the anger the doubts the suicidal thoughts

I create this s**t

Every time

But that’s just whats its like having a personality that’s borderline