Total Wellness Consultants

Context is everything. If we believe life should be LESS stressful, we think something is wrong with us, or our job, or our partner, or other areas of life. But that’s just not the case. LIFE HAS STRESS. Tapping into the value or meaning—why the stressful situation is important to us is key.

Reactive people operate on impulse, letting situations and circumstances control them. Proactive people operate with intention, taking responsibility to take action based on their values. “Suffering ends where meaning begins.” Learning to respond in proactive ways to our stress is the determinant of whether we grow or wither—literally (physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally).

When we believe stress is healthy, we change the practical impact it has on our body. Why is this? Magic. Well, sort of. It’s the inextricable link between mind and body…and that our beliefs shape how we engage in life, and thus how our body responds to life’s demands.

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Learning to identify a narcissist before their love bombing and abuse cycle lock you into a trauma bond is a huge step in breaking the pattern of choosing narcissistic relationships. If you have a history of codependent narcissistic relationship, you are significantly more likely to continue picking the same (unconsciously), despite your assertion that you will never “do that again.”
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These toxic relational behaviors and distorted constructs of love create twisted confusing schemas in our relational minds. Two factors will keep you from continuing this pattern: Learning to spot the traits of a narcissist and discovering and heal the parts of yourself that seek to be rescued or chosen by the narcissist. This is where practicing self-love and rebuilding self-esteem come into play. Take time to explore your past relationships, determine your wounds and your unmet needs. This will allow you to uncover the unconscious fantasies that drive your relationship selection criteria.
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Narcissists love to fight. It invigorates them and squelches their boredom. The biggest issue when fighting with a narcissist is their lack of honesty and accountability. Because they have neither, they will shift and pivot to keep from reaching resolution. For a narcissist, the fight is not about resolution of any matter, it’s about power—power over you mentally, emotionally, and/or physically. Because narcissists feel empty and worthless at their core, they create drama and chaos in an effort to feel something. In this way, they are energy vampires, manipulating your emotions, preferably creating fear, to solidify a position and experience of power that gives them a distorted sense of value and aliveness.
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The best way to win with a narcissist is not to play. Take back your power!