One Percent News Network

We hope that Donald Trump will not be offended this time. Yes, he left out of this report. But c'mon, it's about the GOP Kiddie Table debate, which is basically only for candidates that are a complete joke. One Percent News does not see Donal Trump as a complete joke.

Since receiving a threatening letter from Mr. Trump, and after our anchor woman Margaret Theismann was followed by his deranged lawyer, the producers at One Percent News made the editorial decision to limit our coverage of the 2016 GOP primary race to stories that are gushingly favorable and entirely focused on Mr. Trump. This is our first story since we received that suspicious package with blood leaking from the bottom that does not include him. We hope he will forgive us. Donald, if you are reading this, please forgive us. If you don't like this story, we will go back to focusing our news department entirely upon you. No need to send that gigantic body guard after us. Thank you.

The producers of the One Percent News would like to apologize to Donald Trump for omitting two of his supporters from our report on the Republican debate held in Cleveland, OH on Aug. 6, 2015. We did not in any way mean to imply that Trump has no supporters, or, that the eleven Jeb Bush staffers that we did include is a fair representation of "everyone" who attended the debate.

We are releasing this footage willingly, and not because Mr. Trump threatened to never appear on our network again, and not because he threatened Will Rice, Margaret Theismann and other members of our news team.

The truth is, we are starting to come to terms with the fact that, no matter the rest of the 1% wants, the world's most famous One Percenter might actually be our 2016 nominee. While we would greatly prefer to have a candidate that is less wealthy, and thus more beholden on our campaign donations, we are reserving judgement as to whether or not Mr. Trump would make a good president. Does the risk of a third world war outweigh our personal preference for lower taxes? That is a debate One Percent News will bring to you during the general election.

In the future we hope that our reporting does not offend Donald Trump or his supporters. But we will focus on the narrow interests of the One Percent without fear, and continue to feign objectivity as we do so. Please forgive us, Mr. Trump. And tell us when Will and Margaret can come out of hiding.

First in a new series of intimate sessions with One Percent News ace reporter Will Rice, relaxing at home and discussing the One Percent issues of the day (7/24/15).

MORE: http://www.Onepercentnews.com