Urban Rivers

We’ve been sitting on this information for a while since we’re not sure what to make of it. Our researchers and Camera Crew volunteers have noticed a strange new trend sweeping the local beaver community - turtle hats.

Research Director Phil Nicodemus postulates that the beavers are responding to increased scrutiny of their kind - both from trailcam research projects like our own, and from conventional press.

“Put yourself in the shoes of the beaver” says Nicodemus. “You see your South Branch brethren Ida Beav Wells become a media sensation overnight. She’s going about her day, and suddenly there are candid shots of her all over the internet. No makeup, crappy angles, and no cool hat. Wouldn’t you worry about the same thing happening to you, or your kits?”

The particular motivations behind this trend will be a focus of our research efforts going forward.

Since our team lacks herpetology expertise, we cannot speak to the feelings of the turtles about this arrangement. However, since it’s quite early for them to be coming out of brumation, we assume that their participation is begrudging, at best.

We should also take this opportunity to warn you that in addition to the turtle hats, the beavers have started sinking yachts. If you own a watercraft that cost over $500k, or if you currently work for the United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement, we suggest steering clear of the river for a bit.