Small Steps. Big Change. Podcast

Recently I was at an event, and my recovery story came up. The person I was talking to mentioned that I must be “so happy these days.” Happy isn’t the first word that comes to mind, however. Some days I am happy, sure, but other days I am sad. I get mad like anyone else, and I feel and in turn show disappointment often. The commonality these days is that I am feeling everything. I used to run from these feelings and avoid them at all costs. I would numb myself to feel the slightest bit of something, and most of the time to feel nothing at all. So sure, I am happier these days than I have been in close to 20 years, but not always.

The truth is that I never felt capable of these feelings. So to feel them in their entirety, I feel fully human. No matter the day, I am feeling good even when things aren’t great. The bold and outspoken self love and awareness that I have is because I consistently FEEL human. I am present, and I am capable of handling hard times. Life is unpredictable and never fair. My life in recovery gives me the strength to handle life no matter how life decides to show up. And that is authentic power— a power no one can take from me again.