Talks with Mark

Another outstanding article from my friend, Tracy Nowell!!!

𝘼𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙈𝙤𝙨𝙩

𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚?

It’s a question that’s easy to overlook - and one that may reveal more about us than we care to admit.

We all develop a way of making sense of things, shaped by our experiences, the values we embrace, and the beliefs that guide us. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁. We’re thinking about what’s wrong or missing, what we want or fear, or what we feel pressured to become.

We think, “𝘐𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘹 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴… 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵… 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴… 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵…” then life would finally feel as it should.

So we pursue whatever we believe will meet those needs or fulfill those expectations. And in that pursuit, we may begin to “drift” - a subtle, gradual movement away from who we believe ourselves to be, often without realizing it.

Over time, the pursuit becomes a priority, the priority becomes a pattern, and eventually that pattern of “𝘧𝘪𝘹𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨” becomes what we trust to make life work - a trust that often forms before we notice it.

And that trust can latch onto almost anything - especially whatever helps us feel better, comforts us, or uplifts us. Those desires and beliefs start influencing our actions - and 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁. It’s not that we abandon our core values or identity; it’s that we begin unconsciously trusting what is unreliable.

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 - 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 - 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿, 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵. 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀, 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝘁, 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀.

Some may believe they aren’t anchored to anything at all. That may sound or feel like drifting. But drifting isn’t the absence of an anchor - it’s the absence of clarity about who we are and what is already anchoring us.

Which means the questions I think we should be asking are these -

> What am I truly anchored to?
> How reliable is it?
> And ultimately, what - or who - is my true north?

𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝘼𝙢 𝙄 𝙏𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝘼𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙤?

If we pause and take an honest look at our lives, we might discover that our anchors are the very things our culture elevates - 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿, 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗼𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆. We may not consciously choose them, but there may be seasons where we fixate on them, strive for them and unknowingly depend on them.

Some people anchor to enduring values or faith early on. But even then, the pull of other anchors, such as success, image, or comfort, can quietly compete beneath the surface.

Another anchor can be 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 - our own or someone else’s - a version of ourselves we feel responsible to achieve and maintain. For others, it’s the 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 - online opinions, the validation of likes or follows, or the pressure to keep up.

And for those who excel easily or are uniquely gifted, the drift can likely be even harder to detect. Abundance, talent, and recognition can create the illusion that everything is aligned - even when it isn’t.

We may even discover we have several anchors, because different anchors can meet different needs –

> Success for significance
> Relationships for security
> Appearance for acceptance
> Work for identity
> Control for predictability

I’ve learned that these anchors can create an inner tension, especially when the ways they pull us don’t align with our values, identity, or the person we’re striving to become. And they tend to reveal themselves when life presses us - when we’re stressed, uncertain, searching for reassurance, afraid of losing something, or feeling pressure to prove something.

𝗜𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲, 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁.

𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙄𝙨 𝙈𝙮 𝘼𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙧?

The highest compliment I can give anyone - or anything - is my 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩. And because I believe trust must be earned, my measure of trustworthiness is 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮. Through trial and error, I’ve learned the difference between what proves unreliable and what doesn’t.

But here’s the real problem - we tend to assume our anchor will hold because it held once before - long enough to give us what we wanted at the time. But reliability isn’t measured by how well something works in ideal conditions.

𝗔 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲, 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘁𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀.

And as I’ve written before in a prior article, 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗱𝗲, 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁, 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗼𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲.

Even the people we love and depend on can fail us -

> Parents can wound us.
> Spouses may leave us.
> Partners can betray us.
> Friends can vanish when we need them most.

And the things we chase for stability - approval, control, comfort, and online validation - often function less like anchors and more like temporary props. They may make us feel better in the moment, but when life gets real, we might lose them a bit too easily.

𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀. 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴.

𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙈𝙮 𝘼𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙧 𝘿𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙙?

When the anchor we’ve relied on doesn’t hold, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘁. We may feel the drift - the instability inside - yet not recognize that it’s signaling something important.

And once we finally notice the signal, we face a choice.

We can ignore it and fall back into the familiar cycle of trying to fix, achieve, escape, or buy our way back to stability. Or we can step back and ask -

> Am I clinging to something that can’t hold?
> Am I repeating patterns that no longer serve me?
> Am I mistaking action for progress - and following a faulty compass for direction?

𝗔𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘂𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗳𝘁. It opens the door to finding the truth we’ve overlooked, facing reality and recognizing when we need a stronger anchor and a wiser course.

And this becomes a defining turning point -

𝘿𝙤 𝙄 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙨 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙚 - 𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙤 𝙄 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙠 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙢, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝?

𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨

As I look back over my life, one truth has become clear -

𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗹 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱.

Careers change. Relationships shift. Life turns without warning. Storms can take much from us - but they cannot take who we are at our core, unless we allow them to.

And that core matters.

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲𝘀, 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳𝘀, 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲. They are what remain when everything else is stripped away - including the things we once mistook for identity.

They endure because they’re the inner commitments we choose, cultivate, and align ourselves with over time - the things life can shake but not take unless we surrender them.

And when the storms rage, they reveal whether our lives are anchored to something solid… or something fragile.

I learned this the hard way because I lived it.

In my twenties, I anchored myself to performance, achievement, and work ethic. And for a long time, those anchors “worked” - or at least appeared to. They helped me succeed, endure and push forward. But when real storms hit - the kind that expose what’s weak, temporary, or unsustainable - those anchors weren’t enough to hold me steady.

That season forced me to ask questions I had never thought to ask - questions that revealed what was insufficient and pointed me toward a stronger anchor, one rooted not in achievement or control, but in truth.

Which brings me back to a question I eventually had to ask decades later during another major storm - one that upended almost every facet of my life at once -

𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙄 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙖𝙛𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚… 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛?

For me, the answer, in both seasons, was my trust in God and His reliability.

Why?

Because God is the source of my core values, fundamental beliefs, authentic strengths, and guiding principles - the core of my identity. He is the one constant that remains when everything else is stripped away.

He became my true north in that first season, and He has remained my true north ever since. His character, His promises, His faithfulness, and His instruction steadied who I was when everything else shifted.

My trust in Him - and my relationship with Him - was, and still is, what matters most. It’s what I cannot afford to lose without losing myself.

And as we enter the Christmas season filled with gifts, gatherings, and traditions, it’s worth remembering that 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘀, 𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 - 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗶𝗿𝗰𝘂𝗺𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.

So let me leave you with the question that brings this entire article into focus -

𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 - 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁?