Core Breakthrough Coaching

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People try to control others in an attempt (not necessarily conscious) to avoid facing their own fear and shame. I’ve been sitting with control quite a bit lately so thought we might discuss here.⁠

Do you know someone controlling? Maybe it’s you. Maybe it was you. Maybe it’s a parent, a partner, a colleague, or a friend?⁠
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Notice who it is you’re thinking of as you read.⁠
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Instead of facing their fears or their shame, they find it more tolerable to exert power and control over another. This act creates the illusion that they are worthy and deserving of [insert outcome of control here] — maybe it’s being right, maybe it’s keeping you in their life, maybe it’s proving their point, maybe it’s having you submit to them in some way.⁠
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If someone needs to exert power over another it undoubtedly means that they feel powerless in themselves. All it does is create an illusion.⁠
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That illusion helps them avoid a belief that lies within: I am undeserving, I am unworthy, I am not good enough, I am powerless.⁠
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Control does not exist without shame and fear. It breeds off of it.⁠
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If this is you, might you turn safely towards your fears and shame? Might you begin to get to know them better so that they don’t rule your life? Ignoring, denying fears or avoiding them does not make anything go away...it intensifies it, even if you can’t see it.⁠
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If this is someone you know, how do you participate in this dance? Ooof this is a big one, friends. There isn’t room here to get into this part, but I’m curious what questions you have about being in a relationship with those who exhibit a need for control/power over you/others.⁠
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