Jamie Kilstein

GOOD GRIEF:

Don’t worry. The cat doesn’t die.

But i’m still saying goodbye.

I’m still sad as s**t.

But I’m also happy.

Kinda.

At least compared to normal Jamie standards.

Here are some examples of Jamie standards when it comes to goodbyes!

My first girlfriend cheated on me then dumped me. I dropped to my knees in the middle of the street screaming “NOOOOOOOO!” as she drove away.

I didn’t go to my grandmas funeral.

The first funeral I DID GO TO was for my cousin Bruce. I cried so hard his family kept turning around to console me. At the dinner afterwards a whisper campaign broke out. “Who was that kid? I don’t think he even knew Bruce.”

I indeed did not know Bruce.

At Robin Williams funeral I had a panic attack when I saw Danny Devito (COME TO MY EDINBURGH FRINGE SHOW TO HEAR THAT STORY! HELL YEAH SELF PROMOTION.)

Anyway, I don’t take loss well. I have had too much of it and it breaks my heart every time. It’s like…I know in Lilo and Stitch Stitch is gonna be ok, but god damnit, when he pulls out that Ugly Duckling book….I don’t want to talk about it.

Animals hit me the hardest. For example, I lost this cat because of a breakup and this piece is not about my ex, who is a human. (She is a great human and yes I am sad. BUT CATS YALL!)

One time, after a breakup in my 20’s, my first thought was, “Well now at least I will never know if our cats die and can pretend they lived forever. This is for the best.”

AND THIS CAT, this little dude, Cozzy Bear (her name was Cozlina which was stupid so my ex and I changed it to honor her past, and to honor the muppets. Obviously.) This little dude was the best of all of them. The best of all of us.

No personal space, loud as f**k, a literal maniac, and if I write more I will start sobbing and I have finally stopped sobbing. She was my best buddy and made me laugh from the second I woke up/she woke me up. It was like living with a beautiful princess but also an old man who doesn’t take s**t.

But what I learned was this: Grief doesn’t hurt as much when you don’t hate yourself. (Read the rest at my substack or comment and I’ll send to you!)

Hi