When Love Takes You In

Use consistently – try to stay on this level 80 percent of the time. Playful Engagement educes misbehavior dramatically over time because it strengthens the relationship between children and caregivers.

Every child’s story is different, but there are often common themes. For instance, for children who experienced neglect growing up, their need for sensory stimulation was unmet, resulting in a deficiency that did not allow the brain to develop optimally. As a result, these children often seek sensory stimulation. In contrast, children who experienced physical abuse associate touch with a negative and often become sensory avoidant or avoidant to specific types of sensory input. Children who were hospitalized early in their life may also become sensory avoidant because of the overstimulation related to their treatment.

The Connecting Principal asserts that the caregiver must first be mindful about themselves and what they bring to the interactions with their child. Any unresolved issues or triggers the caregiver might have could get in the way of them connecting with their child. Engagement strategies like nurturing touch, voice quality, and warm eyes allow the caregiver to connect with their child and build trust in an easy and casual way. The Connecting Principle also teaches the caregiver how to share power with the child, so that the child feels that they have a voice in the relationship. This could be in the form of finding ways to say “yes” to their child, giving their child a choice or a compromise, or teaching the child life value terms that help them practice social skills.

Using “Magic Feathers”: In the classic childhood tale, the little elephant Dumbo didn’t believe he could fly until he was given a “magic feather” that empowered him to believe in himself and try. For many children, a “magic feather” is a similar tool that gives them courage to try to speak. For example, one child who witnessed his sister’s murder by their mother lost his voice and was unable to talk about the trauma. In our summer camp, he was given a walkie-talkie and was allowed to hide in a tent or behind a tree and tell his story to an adult listening on the other walkie-talkie. As he gained courage, he was able to share his story freely – and his healing could begin. -- National Council For Adoption