Counseling Services Atlanta Group LLC

Everybody wants somebody to listen to what he or she needs to say.

Think of times when you have needed to tell somebody about something that was important to you. It could have been as simple as "I made an A on that paper" to which no response is needed . Or it could have been more involved like "I got grounded for a week and I don't know why. What happened was...." You needed somebody to listen to all you had to say about being grounded. Did anybody listen to you? Most likely not. The person you told probably interrupted you by talking about a time when he got grounded or sided with you by agreeing that your being grounded was not fair. He did not listen so you could get out all your feelings about what happened to you.

Do you know what you would feel if somebody did actually listen to everything you had to say without interruption? You would feel like the most important person on earth. You would get all excited and want to tell everybody about that person and what he or she did for you.

What if you could be that person who listens to another? You would be very special to him or her. You would automatically be his or her new friend. So all you need to do is learn how to listen. That's not easy. That is not a skill we develop growing up. It is a difficult skill to learn. Try listening to somebody else talk about anything for five minutes. You'll be distracted by all manner of things. You'll make it a conversation or maybe an argument. Listening is not normal. Being distracted or having a conversation or argument is normal.
Think of all the friends you would make if you learned to listen to them. You would be important to them and they would love you. They would seek you out to talk to you because nobody else would know how to listen to them.

Lane Stokes of Counseling Services Atlanta Group has made his latest discovery in helping couples communicate better. He has observed how certain personality conflicts render couples INCAPABLE of successful communication. One may simply not accept the other's value, opinion or idea and block the communication by deflecting, getting angry and loud, shutting down, giving the silent treatment for days or weeks. The excuse is needing time to cool down and think it over but the truth is that one simply cannot allow the other to talk about the subject for whatever reason upsets the mate. Lane teaches the couple to build a bridge so that whatever the difficulty in listening, that obstacle is overcome by the bridge. It is so simple yet so unknown. In a separate survey of mental health professionals by YourTango.com, marriage communication problems was cited as the most common factor leading to divorce (65% of those surveyed), with the inability to resolve conflict (cited by 43%) being the second most common factor.May 25, 2022

IS YOUR CHILD WINNING OR LOSING?

Is your child winning or losing, gaining self-esteem and confidence or losing them, sad or angry, suicidal or homicidal, giving up or gaining momentum, sad or happy, productive or unproductive, living up to potential or falling behind? In other words, is your child being bullied? Of course, bullying is not the only cause of these behaviors, but when so many are true for one child, bullying is often the culprit in light of what I call “Subtle Bullying.” Another of my terms for Subtle Bullying is the Silent Cancer that eats away at the fabric of the child’s being. One of four is being bullied according to the national statistics. Is your child the one? He or she will never tell you for fear of reprisal, not even if he or she is being sodomized. The only way you will know is by noticing attitudes and behaviors. And it is not the school’s, place of worship or parents of the bullies that must intervene. Every legislative process to stop bullying has failed. It is up to you to hire a good counselor to address your child’s issues.

As a Family Counselor I have been appalled at the progressive changes in children and teen’s personalities. In the good ole days when kids were allowed to punch the bully without getting expelled, few of the bullied had extreme changes of personality. They always struggled with sadness, anger, and self-esteem and tended to give up in school and in business later in life, but nothing like the changes taking place today. Columbine was an extreme acting out back then although many bullied youth did fantasize the same or exact revenge in less destructive ways. Today, some bullied children fantasize using chemical bombs to kill everybody in the school. And, they have the brains and substances available to make it possible.

The biggest problem for parents is wondering if a personality change is due to a phase or something else. Counseling is the best way to find out. Don’t be stubborn and think that you know more than a professional counselor about this. Get help. You can keep the fact of your child going to counseling off the records by not using health insurance as payment. Due to confidentiality laws, no self-paid counselor can divulge that fact—unless he or she believes that your child is contemplating su***de or homicide.

If you live in Metro-Atlanta GA you can call me, Lane Stokes, at 404-487-1956, [email protected]. If outside Atlanta go to Psychology Today and locate a counselor in your zip code. Psychology Today features only counselors who are licensed professionals in good standing. Ask if he or she specializes in bullying.

What sense would it make to get your children into the best kindergartens, schools and colleges if bullies destroy every chance of your child’s success for the rest of his or her life? Yes, bullying is that serious!

Lane A. Stokes, L.P.C., S.M.H.C., M.Div., M.S., C.P.E.
http://www.counselingservicesatlanta.com
Direct: 404-487-1956
[email protected]

Counseling Services Atlanta The Marriage Builder, Not a Fixer Counseling Services Atlanta offers Marriage Counseling for the purpose of building a loving marriage and correcting issues as part of the building process.