The Daily Dose

Salam, I'm a 24y m student, so i liked a girl from my childhood like from class 7,8 but during my 1st year of bachelors study i found out that she's getting married. I wasn't talking to her at that time and i wasn't stable financially either so i didn't do anything because i wasn't capable and i thought would find another girl later in life like her. But after 2,3 years I learned that we come across such people only once or twice and my grief of losing her only grew stronger with time.
during those 2,3 years i also met another girl online and i thought ill keep it casual like everyone do but after few months of talking to her on calls and meeting her twice (shes from another city) in real life i got attached to her even though she was a total red flag. I dont know how attachment developed and she confessed and then i confessed too. Then i started believing that ill love her too much that she will become a good person and will start treating me right. Shes not a bad person by heart that i can tell but she does things which hurt me. She is careless about how shes making me feel maybe she dont get the idea that my chest physically hurts and i get severe anxiety whenever shes rude with me or ignores me just because she doesnt want to talk. I can go into details but it would be lengthy.
So cutting to the point i dont know what to do whetther to keep talking to her and keep getting hurt. Or change my thinking(compromising) and keep talking to her without getting hurt which i really dont know how to do. Or just end the relationship.
Everytime i end the relationship somehow we ag*in get in touch after few months. I'm so confused how to move on from the attachment. I'm a man with very gentle and soft corner only for her. I dont face such problems in other aspects of life. Please guide me how to be emotionally mature. I get emotional and start begging her whenever we're about to break up and regret it later. If i dont beg and let breakup happen, i still regret it later when loneliness takes over.
I still think i should've taken a stand for the first girl which i told earlier, due to same fear of regretting maybe i dont let go of my present girl now.
I know I'm stupid in this regard you people can make fun as you want but mai apne hatho majboor hu. Jab raat k 12 bajte hn to sari mardaangi nikal jati he. Sirf kisi ka sath chahiyeh hota hai.

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