The Randy Dellosa Company

The Times We Feel Lonely

Loneliness is one of the pillars of songwriting, aside from love and partying. There are many forms of loneliness—psychological loneliness stemming from sexual, substance, or other forms of abuse, interpersonal loneliness from having no one to talk to or share with, intellectual loneliness due to the absence of people who could understand your thoughts and ideas, existential loneliness, cultural loneliness, etc. There’s also what’s called the overview effect, wherein we suddenly see the world differently. It’s one form of self-induced loneliness, the shifting of perspective.

There are many ways to deal with loneliness. Some recommend going out and meeting new people, some say quitting jobs and finding new ones, and still there are others who insist it is all in the head. It’s not all in the head, for the body can feel the effects of loneliness even before the person becomes aware of it.

Fighting loneliness is difficult. A wise recommendation is to let the wave of loneliness allow to catch us and then to just ride along it. In this sense, we do not necessarily have to seek someone to talk to. We could spend the time to ourselves, reading a book, watching a show, or listening to music. This is counter to the recommendation to seek out friends. While friends are definitely important, there are times when they are not available. Some of us might get angry at them for not being there for our loneliness. We have to understand, however, that before our friends, are ourselves.

Photo by Julie Johnson

Staring Out

Staring out the window, we might find people walking to the left and to the right, crossing the street, entering some building, handing out flyers, selling street food, or even begging. The screen that divides us from the world allows us this little luxury. Sometimes we think about our own lives. What have we accomplished? What are we doing? What do we want? Where do we wish to go? While friends provide us great relief from the coldness of the world, the lack of self-fulfillment creates another vacuum—this time within us—and it might be colder than the world outside.

What can we do? We can always talk to friends as they might be going through the same phase. What’s important is to treat the resolution of our concerns as a process. It is not immediately resolved, and we must recognize several signs that our concerns are getting resolved. This part is very important. What is it that sparks life in us? And it might be in simplicity that we find peace and satisfaction.

Photo by Anaya Katlego