Inner Healing

WITH HIM LIFE IS WONDERFUL

Life...is mysteriously awesome...full of surprises. I compared it to a book... as you browse along its pages you'll be surprised you are entering into a new chapter...new challenges...new difficulties...new themes that somehow just unveils as you journey...for we are all but travelers in this life we have.

We never can tell whether that new chapter of our life is going to be happy or sad full of tears or joy...Am I right?

I recalled in one of my readings...it says there that you don't have to think of tomorrow for tomorrow will have its own problems, challenges...but rather to live the present moment...live one day at a time....yes...no one knows of his tomorrows...oftentimes we make plans ...but most often it’s not.

I too....attempted to dream to become somebody, to be materially rewarded, well it was the time I was still young...full of idealism...hopes...and desires.

Of course...it is not wrong to aspire...to hope...and to dream...that will give meaning to our life. What I want to stress is that...when things won't come out right... its o.k. just to be ready to accept. For anyway, life is full of uncertainty...that’s life.

As I pursue my dreams...I entered into business...I was full of energy and enthusiasm....to the point that I forgot my friend...my real friend...who is there just waiting for my call...I replaced Him for money...I was carried by too much worldliness, happiness and pleasure...and my issued checks bounced...I lost in my enterprise
It was then that I realized that I am in the rock bottom...full of mess...my deepest moment not knowing what to do.

It was then in that moment that I again knelt down...accepting my misgivings and the all...that without my eternal friend who loves me so much...life would mean nothing...I forgot it and now am deeply reminded (most often it will take some life difficulty one will encounter that somehow he will be reminded of something...that he has a friend...and my friend is also your friend).

I made a sincere prayer...and again...little by little...strength returns to me...light starts to enter as I humbly come to Him... it comes clear...telling me..."come to the bank...bargain for an arrangement...other things will just follow."

I did as I was instructed...I came to the bank...bargained and made an arrangement ...and it worked....now I am free from my obligation ...and I learned life's lesson...to live simply, to be contented and not to depart from Him.

Well...I am not materially rich...that's why I attempted to be one...it did not worked...but I learned a very good lesson...I am not for that kind of life...now I am happy and fulfilled ...and my friend and your friend too...is JESUS.... talk to Him...in prayer.

If you have JESUS in your heart...you conquered everything ...for he is the only one who can quenched your longing...the longing that the world, money or power cannot fill...only HIM.

ACCEPT, UNDERSTAND AND FORGIVE YOURSELF

I MYSELF...is a mystery to myself...there are many things in me that I cannot understand...why I do this and do that...I want to do good but I ended up doing the opposite...year after year on new year's eve I used to make resolutions, saying to myself that I am going to be better this time...but the following day I'm back to my old self...funny but True...this is a reality that I cannot escape.

Is it the same with you? If you agree with me...then we can say that we cannot control ourselves and this seems to be universal.
When moments come to me that I have the opportunity to be led to a kind of "retrospection"...there will always be regrets...hence...ending up in saying "I should not have done it and I am at fault"...I cannot FORGIVE myself.

Forgiveness then does not only meant for "others"...but first and foremost...we must admit that there is also a need to forgive none other else but ourselves.

It is hard to forgive others...but mind you...it is also very hard to forgive ourselves. But forgiving others (the principles I taught you...that forgiveness is an "act of the will")...also applies to ourselves. That unless we accept our flaws and the willingness to accept ourselves...the brokenness in us will start to mellow until such time that we will come in terms with ourselves.

Have you also experience moments of emptiness that ultimately will lead you to a realization of uselessness...hence brokenness?...If this happens...know that you are accepting self-defeat that may at times becomes a hazard.

If this happens to you...perhaps its good to apply what I will call as mental rehearsal (cognitive) that will positively affect outlook in life...and ultimately behavior... It is in your power...what is needed is ...self-awareness that you need to refocus rather than defeat brought about by self-blaming...unforgiveness...self-resentment and others.

Perhaps it’s good to think this way:

-I am a created human being and deformed from my very first existence
-I am prone to commit mistakes and mistakes is sure to happen.
-I have to admit that ...that is what I am
-But...room for improvement is always there since I am the one who makes a decision for it.
-So...as all people do commit mistakes...so do I...but it is always to bring the best out of me.
But lastly...ask always for the grace of God in prayer that we always remain open for change since all that happens to us is but to bring out the good that is in us.

Accept...understand...and forgive yourself...and you are releasing yourself from being a prisoner to yourself...

LIFE IS A JOURNEY

We make plans for our future...that someday I will be like this...to become...happy...successful... we make provisions and plans etc... but most often it’s not it... My own journey is something that I cherish...and I also realized that life is hard...real hard...but easy and meaningful if only you know where to anchor your very existence.

I was born in a poor family but deep inside me I am motivated to pursue education even just on my foot in going to school...but what I have is my faith in JESUS and MARY that someday i'll know and understand the many things that I cannot understand that moment.

I enrolled in the University of San Agustin with the help of my grandmother but the second semester in my freshman years she died...and now I not know where to get my finances...but I know that somehow there's going to be a way...I am finding myself in the dark.

Most often in our life we will always face problems...challenges...trials...hence, crisis situation...I don't know if you agree with me...the twin of life is suffering in various forms and degrees of difficulties...we find ourselves happy today...tomorrow different...I am rich and famous now...full of golden glitters...the next day a pauper...nothing is constant...the only thing permanent is change.

But in my down moments that time I feel that someone somehow loves me...that He is so much interested in my life...and He gives me illumination what to do.

I felt instructed to go to Fr. Maximo Mateos, OSA...the guidance counselor of the University that time and I ventured to apply for a grant-in aid (working-student) perhaps to sweep the floor or be an errand just to continue...but to my surprise...he did not accept me as a working student but accomodated me to the study-now pay later scholarship program and I was accepted...and I graduated from a business course they say was in demand that time.

After graduation I ventured to be in different fields of endeavour...working here and there and even to a managerial position in different banks...but honestly...I was not happy inside of me.

I too have a family of my own for am married early and struggling to keep my family afloat for the early marriage...but I recalled that way back in college my most favorite subject is Theology...and I encountered God in those subjects I have

In that situation...I found myself clinging to Him tightly, for I know I am in the point of no return.

To us...I know that always we find ourselves in moments where no one can help us...but only JESUS...perhaps...testing time...to know the quality of gold we possess.

As a manager then...they say that's a position of prestige...but I sincerely felt empty...something is lacking in me...I recalled St. Augustine's words I heard in college when he said..."You have made us for Yourself...O Lord...and our hearts are restless until it finds rest in You"...yes...I was restless and empty that time...I know that I have to make a decision...that is to follow Him...for I felt called.

By making a decision that time is a great gamble...I have to resign ...totally renunciating myself and my family to His hands...but...is it really a real call? Is it really you...LORD because I know if not...I will end up in a disaster...I was in further darkness...making a leap not knowing where to land...

I wrote a letter to my father in the United States telling him about it...but since they are not also having a good life there, just told me to live with a $50.00 monthly help and for me to live in a tight budget...

The voice or inspiration of the LORD is very hard to decipher or understand...for His voice is silence...that is how I experienced it...but still I give it a try... So I went to the Dean of La Consolacion College...for that time I am in Bacolod (2000),and was advised to take up MA in Religious Studies to be a theology professor which I did...but again...my money is just good for the prelim...not knowing what will happen next.

Finding hardship...now I accepted the idea that this is not for me...I have to quit and have find work again for I cannot sustain it any more...so I went to the Dean and told her about it and she said in reply just go on you still have three months perhaps someone along the way will lift you up...and I agreed.

Sometimes we also have to hold on and to sacrifice a bit with prayers along the way to really know where we are at...heading to a right direction or to pivot somewhere.

Leaving her office I went straight to the Bacolod Cathedral for that time there is a Legion meeting...I attended it and we have a visitor that time...a domestic helper from Hongkong having her vacation...I sat by her side...again I felt some lightness that time ( I will just call it that way)...and I ended up asking for the name of the priest in Hongkong where she is working and I told her my intention that I will write a letter asking for assistance...she understood it and she gave the address to me.

I wrote then a sincere letter telling him about my case...and I prayed for this that he will understand me...two weeks after...I received a reply...and he said he is also to help me but only a little...By this I know that somehow my prayer is answered but its o.k. for any help...and he advised me where to get it...and I did not expect much...perhaps the second period tuition payment is alright.

I went to the bank where he instructed me to go...and with teary eyes I received an amount not only good for the next tuition payment but I received a real help that covers all until I can graduate...

So I paid all my school fees until graduation and thesis fee and that time I am only just first year first semester...I got the official receipts and sent to him to assure him that it went to the real purpose.

We have to really be sincere for GOD knows our hearts and intentions...and responsibility comes along with it...and we should never forget that we are to make an accounting for it time comes...

Next is thesis writing...I have to make a research...and I told my benefactor about it and he said to me since my study is all about domestic helper..."why won't you come to Hongkong and Macau and do the study yourself"... so the Lord gave me a bonus this time to travel abroad and I did

As a Theology professor...constructing the consciences of students...my first assignment was in St. Paul University in 2004-2008 and I transferred to the University of San Agustin 2008-present. I transferred here because teachers have a privilege of free education for their children and faculty are entitled for further studies all free as long as it is within the University of San Agustin.

Serving the LORD surprises comes along the way...the LORD won't let you down...trials and hardships comes but He knows when to deliver you...just be sincere.

As to my children...with God's grace since all things comes from Him...my eldest daughter is a C.P.A...my second finished Culinary Arts...my third is an Automotive Technician...my fourth is in Accounting...all have jobs...all provided by the University...the channel of the LORD for His help to come to me.

I further studied PhD in Psychology from the University and my second PhD in Religious Studies (CAR)-University of St. La Salle...but still to write a dissertation in some future time and since this is outside of the University of San Agustin...I have to be on my own in the research process.

I am happy with my vocation...it is when I find JESUS and did my best to follow His leadings through His promptings in me that I learned to live simply, happy and contented...that the world could not give.

In my realization...difficulties...hardships...trials...in short all kinds of SUFFERINGS that includes sickness will be of nothing if we only will discover that what we need in life is JESUS...perhaps you are not aware about that...try Him...and perhaps you will experience more than what I have shared...you will experience HEALING of whatever kind of...if you will only know how... (for healing also includes deliverance from hardships...problems...and all negativities)...WHY WON'T YOU TRY HIM?

I hate myself ...I am a failure in any enterprise i venture into...my life is in a mess and i cannot forgive myself.

This is the usual experience of an individual who might perhaps is undergoing a dark night in himself.

The best imagery that I can point into...is the prison cell. Why? Perhaps we are the one imprisoning ourselves by harboring self-hatred which is actually unforgiveness to ourself in hiding.

The one holding the key to freedom is none other than we ourselves...and we are the ones imprisoning the self. Seems awkward but true...only that perhaps we are not aware about it.

Hating ourselves because of unforgiveness mirrors on how we deal and treat others...until one finally seclude the self and is contented to be alone in his own world...a loner, thus...anti social.

Perhaps the tip I want to share in here are:

1. Self-acceptance...be open and be humble enough to admit that you are harboring hatred into yourself because of some events that happened that ends up in you hating and not forgiving yourself.

2.Admit and be aware that it is in your power that freedom can be attained by forgiving and accepting yourself.

3.Apply the simple exercise of mental rehearsal...re-visit and visualize that event you encountered and try to identify the reason why it happened .

4. What is your feeling that time?

5.What is your realization?...and your "resolution"

6.Change you negative mental pattern about yourself to that of a healthy positive mind set.

As I have said before...forgiveness is a process...it is not a matter of feeling but an act of the "will"...it is hard at first...but you will be used to it anyway...time eventually will heal it.

Lastly...do not ever forget that there is someone who cares and loves you personally...no other than JESUS himself...and you were accepted and embraced...loved and cared...He did accept you even without your knowing it...Do you know the cost of forgiving you?...it cost His life...if you were forgiven the cost of His life...can't you forgive yourself?

Next post...Understanding negative experiences.