Transform with Verve

Seema is a beautiful and elegant Indian lady. She lives in a beautiful home in an affluent suburb with her family. She has a Ph.D. in marine biology and has been an A+ student throughout her life. Though after marriage, her role primarily is to look after the family even though she deeply desires to run a research project on marine life.

Jeanne and Sam were childhood sweethearts and have been married for 25 years now. The conversation between them is nothing more than small talk now. Sam started stonewalling Jeanne many years back as he felt she judged him and compared him to all their old school friends as they are more successful than him.

Joy is a lovely girl who is a skilled pianist and has won many competitions. She was diagnosed with autism in the early stages of her life, whilst it was distressing for the family, her parents never gave up and neither did let her feel that she was any different or less than anyone. They encouraged and supported her in everything.

Zoya & Smriti have been best friends for over 30 years now, even though they have been living in different countries for a long time now with their own families. They make sure to catch up on occasions via modern technology and the relationship is as fresh as it was when they were in school with the same level of energy and enthusiasm.

Daniella is a star performer at her work and has been a star student all her life. She feels quite lonely and she does not have any friends as she believes people are not being themselves and are shadows speaking cliches all the time. She has worked hard all her life to impress her mother who suffers from depression.

These are the of people all around us and there are many more. All are determined by the relationships we have in our lives.

Relationships are the essence of life. can make people & relationships can break people.

The quality of our life is determined by the quality of our relationships in our lives and their influence on our .

Though a person is the output of their physiology, self-esteem, self-worth, views (cultural, political, religious), biases (cognitive, cultural, implicit, etc), personality type, values, their order in the family, the role they identify with, socio-economic status and much more.

So, do we need a degree in psychology, anthropology, psychotherapy, etc. to establish a relationship?

Is there a formula? You’d wish!!

A few things that will help are;

👉Know yourselves – values, personality type, likes, dislikes.

👉Communication and style.

👉Accept, forgive, and let go.

👉Heal yourself, seek support.

👉Do things for self-care.

👉Be your self.

There is a week dedicated to Mental Health Awareness every year. As if one was in a superb state for the rest of the year. It likes bringing attention to breathing well or eating well or being nice for just one week in a year and then going back to how you were.
Agree or disagree this is something we live with every day for our entire lives and something we should be aware and mindful of on daily basis.

Now, you may ask what is mental health?
There is a heavy definition by “WHO”, where mental health has been defined as a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and can make a contribution to his or her community.

Is it the same as such as anxiety, and depression?
Well, yes and no! Even though they are on the same spectrum they are quite distinct as you start noticing (or may recall years later) the pathological signs of mental illness in adolescence.

So, in simple words, mental health or well-being is when we have a good life, we have a purpose in life, and we have good connections with ourselves and with others.

Sounds easy to manage right?
Sure, if we just lived by ourselves but no man/woman is an island. Many influencing factors contribute to mental health such as our culture, biological, social, work, and physical environments to name a few.

When even one of these factors is moved it impacts our mental health in various ways. As humans, we seek certainty most of the time and if it is shifted, we tend to project i.e., cover our feelings of insecurity, fear, etc. by lashing out at others or forming poor . Thereby impacting their mental health.

Now, why am I writing such a long-winded post?
Simply stated, we are all responsible for our own and no one else is responsible for it nor is there any magic pill.
And no!! alcohol, smoking, eating (over, under, binge), s*x, or substance abuse is not a cure for it either.

So, what can you do?

👉Know thyself. Build by knowing your limits, strengths, weaknesses, etc.

👉 Be of how you talk to yourself as that is how you will talk/present yourself to others.

👉 Accept that we are all humans and there is no perfection. Be perfect in your imperfections.

👉Stop running on autopilot.

👉Listen to your body, stress can manifest in many ways.

👉Build through self-care, build mental, and emotional physical health, and connections.

👉 It’s ok to be lost, ask for support.

👉Move away from toxicity – environment, people.

👉 Seeking guidance, , and therapy is not a stigma.

👉Seek professional help for abuse, trauma, and belief systems that are stopping you.

👉 Last but not least be kind and compassionate to yourself.

Should I stay or should I go

😕 I am tired after a long day at work, maybe I should get take-outs for dinner but take-outs are unhealthy, I should cook something healthy. Should I eat out or cook?

😕 My partner makes me coffee whenever I ask him; he is a nice person but he has never supported me when I needed him to. Should I be with him or leave him?

😕 I want to start a new venture and be successful but I want to lead a balanced life and not chase things. Should I pursue or leave it?

😕 I want to lose weight and feel confident about myself but then people will judge me as vain and selfish.

😕 I love my job; it pays well but I do not want to be working forever as I want my freedom.

All these conflicting conversations sound tiring, right? Have you had days when there is a constant counterargument occurring in your head?

Well!! We all do have or thoughts and feelings now and then. It can be helpful when you are weighing the positive and negative of a situation, person, or decision. However, it leads to a feeling of discomfort and incongruence when we cannot get past it and it hampers our life or our decision-making.

So, why do we have ambivalent feelings?

👉 We do not know our .

👉 .

👉 Do not understand if it is an internal conflict – mental or
emotional such as fear of rejection, opposing desires, or anxiety.

👉 Do not understand if it is an external conflict – environmental, personality conflicts.

How can we deal with these feelings?

👉Know thyself. i.e., explore your values.

👉 It's ok! no situation or person is perfect.

👉 Slow down and stop rushing yourself into making a decision.

👉 Ask yourself, “Why is this an issue for me?”.

👉 Speak to a to work through your belief system.