Singles With A Testimony SWAT

PHONE USE RULES FOR COUPLES!!!

1. Don't make a habit of putting your phone on silent mode or turning it off each time you're with your partner. It makes you look like you are hiding something

2. Save your partner's phone number using a special title like "Hubby", "Love", "Wife", "Sweetie". Or save using a title plus the official name. Using the official name only makes your partner look like just the other contacts on your phone

3. Answer your partner's phone call with loving affectionate words like "Hi love", "Hey honey". How a conversation starts detetmines how it flows. If you start warm, you two will enjoy talking with each other on phone

4. End the talk on a high. Say "I love you", say a joke, a compliment, a warm phrase before you hang up. Hang up with a smile

5. It is OK to chat with friends online. But never chat with another person more than you chat with your partner

6. If you will be busy, notify your partner you will not be able to pick up calls or reply texts promptly. Inform your partner what you will be doing and approximately for how long. This prepares your partner and brings peace because your partner will not feel ignored

7. Flirting on phone is good but only flirt with your partner

8. Tell off people who try to flirt with you, entice you and charm you on phone. Let them know that you are taken

9. Take lots of photos and videos together to capture moments. You will need those pics and videos in future as you look back

10. When you go out on dates, keep the phone away, minimize phone use so that you focus on each other

11. Don't make a habit of walking away from your partner to answer phone calls. Your partner will perceive you are hiding something or having an affair. Love is about perception

12. After the date and you don't live together; man, call her up and check on her, tell her you got home safe; lady, send him a text, thanking him for a wonderful time

13. Unless it's an emergency, when you can't reach your partner and you probably know he/she is at work or doing something; don't keep calling and texting desperately. You will only look like a nag to your partner and that will make your partner detest phone contact with you. Relax, your partner will see your missed call and text

14. When you see a missed call or text from your partner, please call back or reply as soon as you can. Put your partner at ease

15. Save your partner's phone number as an emergency number to be contacted incase something happens to you and your phone is locked

16. Avoid fights and arguments over the phone, they are difficult to manage and leave a bad feeling when you hang up, thus negatively affecting how you two relate. Talk about serious issues that are volatile face to face

17. When your partner offends you or you two aggrevate each other, never refuse to pick up your partner's phone call. That only makes matters worse. Keep the line of communication open so that you work things out. If you can't talk at the moment you are hurting, just pick up the call and say "I can't talk right now" and your partner will understand

18. Inform your partner when and why you need to turn off your phone when you two are apart. Keep your partner from worrying

19. When you two are having fun together, it is good to celebrate your love online but don't post too much about your lovelife. Some things are best kept private. The world doesn't have to know every detail of how you love each other

20. When you two are having problems, don't vent about your partner directly or indirectly on your social media posts

21. Don't let your partner get news about you from social media like your online friends. Tell the news to your partner first, and then post online

22. If your partner tries calling you but your line is engaged, explain who you were talking to. If someones calls you when you're with your partner, say who it was. Transparency and clarity enhances trust

23. Remember it is both your role to communicate. None of you should feel he/she is forcing a conversation or is doing much of the talking. Communication takes two

24. Put away the phone when your partner needs your undivided attention, especially in the bedroom. Don't be intimate, holding your phone, more than you hold your partner

25. Phone use can affect your relationship/marriage negatively or positively. Be smart as you use your smart phone...

Your own wedding will soon be announce here 💍👰💞

UNDERSTANDING THE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS BETWEEN DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW AND MOTHERS-IN-LAW AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM...

everyone:

(Please this is a lengthy article, but worth reading to the end).

Marriage is a very beautiful institution and sweet experience. However, from time to time, some individuals make a mess of it by their ignorance of the set rules. Marriage has rules, and only those who strictly adhere to them enjoy its bliss.

Issues happen in marriage, and sometimes those issues are self-inflicted or the problems we created by own hands. One major problem in African marriages is the CLASH OF INTERESTS BETWEEN DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW AND MOTHERS-IN-LAW. It's one challenge not well understood let alone handled by the "warring parties", the husbands and many other relatives.

In most parts of Africa, marriage is done in a communal or community-based system. Meaning that when someone gets married, the decision of the choice of the life partner isn't left to the two lovers alone. Parents, siblings and relatives have a say, and most times a very big say because they are stakeholders or even major stakeholders in a marriage. It's a cultural practice from time immemorial.

Once a marriage is contracted between the two spouses, one major stakeholder in a couple's marriage is the mother-in-law. She has a very big say and her personal interests and, most times will stop at nothing to protect her interests even at the expense of her son's marriage. A mother is a male child first lover. Realities on ground show that mothers bond so much with their male children. One of the reasons why it's so is because in the African society, the male child occupies a more prominent place. The male child is regarded as more important than the girl child. So mothers who have at least one bond so well their son. A strong emotional bond, not easily broken, is created. Mama is her son's first lover, sometimes loving her male children more than even her own husband.

Here's the challenge:

When that son eventually gets married to his wife, the mother naturally sees the daughter-in-law as not a daughter, but a mate, some sort of "co-wife" who is there to challenge her in her son's life. Because the mother enjoys a very strong emotional bond that she's not willing to let go of yet, her son's wife is subjected to a malicious scrutiny such as she having to prove herself to be a good wife. But that is unnecessary!

INTERESTS OF THE MOTHER-IN-LAW:

1. The mother enjoys cooking a meal for her son.
2. The mother enjoys soul-to-soul conversation with her son.
3. The mother enjoys receiving periodic gifts from her son.
4. The mother likes visiting her son in his house without enough prior notice.
5. The mother likes to enter her son's kitchen at will.
6. The mother likes controlling the emotions of her son.
7. The mother is possessive.
8. The mother is overly-protective .
9. The mother is domineering.
10. The mother is selfish.

INTERESTS OF THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW:

1. The wife enjoys cooking the meals of her husband all the time.
2. The wife enjoys soul-to-soul conversation with her husband.
3. The wife enjoys receiving periodic gifts from her husband.
4. The wife doesn't like the mother-in-law visiting them without enough prior notice.
5. The wife doesn't like the rate at which the mother-in-law enters her kitchen at will.
6. The wife likes controlling the emotions of her husband.
7. The wife is possessive.
8. The wife is overly-protective.
9. The wife is domineering.
10. The wife is selfish.

As you can see from above, both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have same interests, therefore causing a conflict of interests between them. Now that the challenge has been identified how does the husband solve it?

To help resolve this dilemma, a proper perspective on marriage is needed first:

1. Marriage isn't the extension of the family of both spouses. Marriage comprises of the husband, wife and children. These are the primary members of a family. Parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc are secondary members. They are the extended family.

2. The greatest loyalty of a spouse lies with their partner, not with their parents, siblings or relatives (Genesis 21).

3. When a man is married, he is expected to bond more emotionally with his wife and less with his mother (Genesis 2:24-25).

4. To a husband, the most important figure in his life is the wife, not even his children, parents, siblings or relatives (Genesis 23).

5. The first beneficiaries of a husband's money or wealth are the wife and his children. Others are secondary.

6. A man MUST provide for his family (wife and children). He doesn't owe such obligation to his parents and siblings. That doesn't mean he shouldn't cater for his parents and siblings if he can.

7. A man must ensure the comfort his family (wife and children). He doesn't owe such obligation to his parents and siblings. That doesn't mean that he can ensure the comfort of his parents and siblings if he can.

TO HANDLE THE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS:

1. Know and understand the personalities of your wife and mother. Very well. Do you really know them? Do you know their temperaments, behaviours and characters? Do you know what each of them can do when they are offended?

2. If you sense or notice that both women don't get along so well, foster a cordial relationship between them. I did so between my wife and mother. How? I kept eulogizing and praising my wife to my mother, telling her how good and nice my wife is. I also eulogized and praised my mother to my wife, telling her how good and nice my mother is. Today, they are best friends, mother and daughter.

2. To your wife act towards her as a husband. And to your mother act towards her as a son. Remember: when married, the wife comes first.

3. Set boundaries around your wife and mother and let them understand their boundaries. Both of them own each other mutual understanding of roles and respect in your life. Don't be emotional about this. Your mother mustn't act as a wife to you. She isn't your wife. You have a wife.

4. Treat both according to their roles. Pamper both women. But remember your wife is your wife. She is to receive most of the pampering not the other way around.

5. Should there be conflicts between the two women, don't take sides unfairly and unjustly because of sentiments. If your wife is at fault, let her know and make her apologize to your mother. If your mother is the one at fault, make her know it and make her apologize to your wife. There should be fairness and justice when handling both women.

6. If you must succeed maritally, when married be emotionally mature to be a man of your own. Don't be the type that can be easily manipulated emotionally. Honour your mum, but your greatest honour must go to your wife. Do you know why? Your wife is you. Both of you are one. While you must caution your wife not to disrespect your parents, siblings and relatives, ensure that they don't disrespect her also. Respect should be mutual.

Honestly speaking, all these are not necessary, but because the level of interference is so high in African marriages, thereby causing conflicts of interests, it's important a husband does "something" to protect both his wife and mother. Generally, women, especially African women don't get along well easily with themselves. They fall out with each other easily even over the smallest of things. Most women would rather prefer the company of a male than that of a female.

Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking and sharing.

See you at the top!

Your friend,