Fs makes u laugh

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Random Jokes
1. Happiness is when you are in church with your
landlord sitting next to each other and then pastor
says,
"look at your neighbour and tell him that Jesus has
paid my debts!!!" Hallelujah......
2. If you think money is the only thing that changes
people,You haven't come across the person in
charge of food and drinks at a ceremony
3. I was passing through a department in a psychiatrist
hospital
when i saw them giving a mad man shawarma and ice
cream as lunch abeg who knows any medicine
that can make someone Mad
4. A girl will snap 7 pictures, delete 6 and then stare at the
last one till it gets ugly.........
My dear it is u, ur body and ur soul whether u like it or not
5. Nigeria police be like
OH!!!!!! You think you have all the
receipt abi?
ahah hha!
Oya!! Where is the receipt of all your receipt
6. How can you say if Nollywood start doing season film
that they'll use 15 episodes out of 20 episodes as
advertisement.
7. An ibadan boy will b lik "My name is segun ogunalade, i
want to wish my daddy, mummy, baba and mama, my
uncles and aunties i want to wish dem a merit kirismas nd a
fosforus new year.......
Ok isorite
8. Heart break is nt when ur love leaves
you.......
Heart break: is wen ur newly wedded wife is in
the
kitchen preparing dinner and she ask
"honey how many maggi should i put in the
pounded
yam??"
9. (phone call)
Boy :hello
Girl :hello pls who is dis???
Boy :its james the one u gave ur number yesterday at d
super market.
Girl : oh.... Hi
Boy : hi how are u??
Girl :am fine ooo.
Boy :so have u eaten???
Girl :yes
Boy :so wat did u eat???
Girl : pls stop asking me stupid question and ask reasonable
question mtcheeew....
Boy : oh sorry alright wats d botanical name for plantain??
And wat is d volume of a pyramid???
Girl :emmmm sorry u were asking of wat i eat, i eat fried
rice.......
10. Are u beautiful, photogenic, skinny or slim,do u ave all it
takes 2 b a model?
If yes pls find sometin 2 eat b4 u die of ulcer
11. A pastor was praying for a demon-possessed man. He
said, in the name of Jesus, what do u want frm this Man?
speak up before I cast u out this moment! The demon in the
man said, I want him to win the American Lottery Draw
worth $200billion tonight. The pastor lowered the
microphone and whispered; get out of him and enter into me
now.
12. What is love?
Love is when your husband catches you with another man
naked and still say "honey, dress up, let's go home.
What is death?​
Death is when you follow him
13. Some Nigerian parents use to write
BEWARE OF DOGS on their gate when their Daughter is
18-22yrs!!!
But when she is 30yrs nd not yet married,They will change
it to ICE BLOCK IS SOLD Here.
14. Nigerian film wee nur keeh me oh...wich wan is
AM I UR REAL BIOLOGICAL FATHER ??
Oh,so fake biological father dy
15. Just Because You Came To My House And You Saw
Cobwebs, You Concluded I'm Dirty.Do You Know If I'm
Related To Spiderman
16. U went 2 his house
And his frds re leaving d room 1 by 1
Sister run
I repeat leave ur slippers and run
If possible jump fence
Don't ask any question jst obey
17. I just remembered In those days, I once won a girl's
heart with a bottle of cold sprite & 2 buns but today....
Anyway, make I chop first. I dey come
18. One aboki just called me, I told him is a wrong
number......The aboki called me back and asked if I have
the correct number… why na??
Life have tire me since then
19. Naija policemen will be like this when they see u
"hey, why are u wearing singlet in this cold weather, cold
will now enter ur body, u will now b looking for another
person daughter to sleep with!!. U are arrested for
attempted r**e in advance, enter the motor!"
20. Witchcraft is when yu qet a voice note from ur
crush...yu den qo round the whole hauz lookinq fr earpiece
or headphones to hear it...jus fr yu to open d voice note nd
hear "yhu are nt my type"
21. When u ask a girl how she is and she replies "I'm not
fine "
My brother logout, switch off ur phone and remove the
battery
22. I thought I've seen it all in
Nigerian movies until I saw nepa poles in evil forest
abi, the ghost dey charge
their phones....
23. With MAGGI ,every # woman is a star
With
# w**d ,every man is a
What...?
24. Dating a church girl is cool until you tell her "Baby open
it" and she replies "What verse?
25. Today was my first day of entering a Court. The Judge
Shouted " Order, Order !!" I Was so excited , So I shouted
Back " fried rice with chicken, two bottles of coke and one
cup of matice ice cream.” Am now locked up in a dark
room.*
*Excuse me, Are they bringing me the food or not? *
26. It's hard to bewitch African gals these days.
Every time you take a piece from her hair to the
witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman
gets mad or a factory in China catches fire
27. There is nothing we won't see in Traffic.
Biko Which one again be "Buy your sweet recharge
card to call your sweetheart" chinekeme dere is Notin we
won't c in Nigeria
28. Some girls only know how to slay
on pictures....
Let them cook beans for you.
Believe me you'll find all the stones David used on Goliath
Comma beat me am in my hux
29. I saved a life today on my way home. I asked a beggar
how will he feel if l give him #10,000 ?
He replied "Oga, during this recession, I Go die,"
So l kept my money. Thank God I've saved a life!
30. So because your mother has counted the meat in the
pot of soup, you are now using your teeth to slimfit them?
Oga Tailor Wehdone. please don't forget to like my page and share my post

LONG JOKES OF D DAY
1)10min ago i was bored so i called
the police
Me: Hello help, 335 people are
following me
Police: Calm down, where are you
Me: On instagram
Police: Idiot
2)that's how i mistakenly stepped on
a Yoruba girl
Yoruba girl: are u in Zain?
Me: no I'm in mtn
3) . Girls will never change at all..
Your boyfriend comes to visit you and
buy you "Suya" But because you're
angry with him you threw the "Suya"
into the waste bin in his presence....
He leaves angrily only to discover
that he has left his car keys at your
place and comes back to meet you
eating the "Suya"
Hahahaha
Lemme just faint!...just kukuma kee
MEE
give me space lemme faint..
4)Someone asked an old man: “Even
after 70 years, you still call your wife
Darling, Honey, Love." What’s the
secret?"
*Old man: I forgot her name and I’m
scared to ask her!*
5). Wife: I wish I was a newspaper. So
I’d be in your hands all day.
*Husband: I too wish that you were a
newspaper. So I could have a new
one every day!*.
6)A young boy asks his Dad: "What is
the difference between confident and
confidential?
*Dad says: "You are my son, I'm
confident about that. Your friend over
there, is also my son, that is
confidential!*
7) What's the difference between
stress, tension and panic?_
*Stress is when your wife is pregnant;*
*Tension is when your girlfriend is
pregnant;*
*Panic is when both are pregnant!*
8)Grammar Teacher: Do you know the
importance of a period?
*Rufus : Yeah, once my sister said she
has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got a heart attack and our driver ran
away!* leaving me alone to watch
Tom and Jerry.... Lol
9)Boss : ekaette, now that madam has
gone
out, get this money, go to that
pharmacy, buy
a pack of condom and come to my
room for
s*x
ekaette :, ok oga
( after the show )
boss: ekaette, ure so sweet
ekaette : hmm oga, na so gate man
talk say i
sweet pass madam o
boss: what!!!and den he Fainted.
10)I was at the pharmacy earlier
today when a Drunkard entered the
shop and shouted, "give me a
Condom"..The Lady at the
counter asked him,"Cant you use a
decent language???
The Drunkard quickly unzipped his
trousers and placed his P***s on the
counter and asked......"Madam do you
have clothes for this Baby?". Beware
of 419..this house is not for sale..
11)Stolen Bicycle Akpos: My new
bicycle has been stolen. POLICE:
When did u notice? akpos: This
morning POLICE: Do you have a
suspect? akpos: Yes,my mum and dad.
POLICE: why do u suspect them?
akpos: yesterday at midnight i heard
mum say make it stand well so I can
seat on it very well ”and dad said
”climb up fast before it falls .and
mum said ”push slowly slowly dont
hurt me…… .police hahaha o boy na
senior bicycle be that ooo
12)*Guy: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but*
*we always use protection and the
rubber*
*never broke. How is it possible?*
*Doctor: Let me tell you a story:
"There was*
*once a Hunter who always carries a
Gun*
*wherever he goes. One day he took
his*
*umbrella instead of his Gun and
went out.*
*A Lion suddenly jumped in front of
him.*
*In order to scare the Lion, the
Hunter used*
*the umbrella like a Gun,and shot the
Lion, then it died!*
*Guy: Nonsense!! Someone else
must've*
*shot the Lion...*
*Doctor: Good!! You understood the
story.*
*Next patient please...*
13)A man met a lion in d bush, he
knelt down, closed his eyes & started
praying. When he opened his eyes, he
saw d lion kneeling in front of him &
was praying too. He was shocked. He
asked d lion "Are u a Christian"? The
lion replied "Mumu. Don't u pray b4 u
eat"? D man fainted.
14) Abeg na who stingy pass. 1.The
man who flashed to remind you to
call him back.
2. Your girlfriend you bought airtime
for and she ends up flashing you to
call her.
3. The friend you visited and you
perceived the aroma of Egusi Soup
from his kitchen and he is still telling
you that he is hungry and needs food
from you.
4. The man who has no money with
him and has walked for hours under
the hot sun and ends up picking
N5000 on the ground, but still
refused to enter a cab.
5. The man who is receiving N2
million a month and finds it difficult
to give God N50.
15)Abeg see Watin my stupid friend
dey tell... He said
Plz Clinton you know you are my best
friend just Advice in Wat to do o...
I Want 2 B Rich At All Cost.So,i Went
2 An Herbalist 4 Money Ritual Nd He
Says"the Best Way 4 Me 2 B Rich Is 2
Go To An Army Barrack Nd Slap A
Soldier.."
He Assured Dat If I Shuld Do Diz,i
Will B Richer Dan Dangote...
Abeg Watin I go tell am....
16)How Can Ur Girlfriend Pollute D
Air And U Say it smells nice???
Bro,u Must B Very Stupid O
17)quick...money.. Believe it worked
for me perfectly..
Make 1 Million Naira With Just 1k
Within 2 Days.No Referal Is
Required.No Stress!
All U Av 2 Do Is Just Send Ur
Name,address Nd fone Numba,so Dat
I Will 4ward It 2 D EFCC Bcos U Are
A Criminal....see you
18)Two Little boys stole a big bag of
oranges
from a neigbour & decided to go to a
quite
place to share the oranges equally.
One of them suggested the nearby
cemetery.
As the were jumping over the gate to
enter the
cemetery, two oranges fell out of the
big bag
but they didn’t bother to pick them
since they
had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his
way from
a bar, passed near the cemetery gate
& heard
a voice saying: “One For Me, One For
You,
One For Me, One For You”……………..
He immediately sobered up & ran as
fast as he
could to a church nearby for the
Priest……………
“Father, Please come with me, come &
witness
God & Satan sharing corpses at the
cemetery”……….
They both ran to the cemetery gate &
the voice
continued; “One For Me, One For You,
One For
Me, One For You”……………….
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting
& said: “What
about the two at the gate?”…………
You should see the
marathon………………
The Priest almost ran pass the church
gate shouting.. .. mummy!!!!!!
19) CHOI Abeg Can Someone Please
Help me Spell I.S Is FOR ME.. I DON
forget .... Wen monkey pox catch for
exam hall...
20)HOW TO KNOW IF U ARE INSANE!
1. U smile with a little laughter alone
just bcus u
are chating on social network. U AR
INSANE.
2. U gave #2000 to ur girlfriend yet u
went
to meet
ur mum to collect hundred naira for
recharge
card.
3. If u dey cook for ur boyfriend
and ur mother dey cook for u ,
u ar
insane.
4. If u dey call ur girlfriend trice a
day but u call ur
sister once a week, den u need
more dan a prayer.
5. If u buy bb, ipad or android tecno
for ur
girlfriend
or boyfriend and ur mum no get
phone @ all, u
are insane.
6. If u no dey comment when guys
post online but u dey
comment for ladies alone, u ar
partially insane....
7.If u spend more dan 12years in
school only to
tell me d@ u dont understand
mathematic, u
are insane..
8.If u read all wat i wrote now and u
dont leave
any comment to appreciate my
effort..... U are a... Don't worry m going oo...Pls don't forget to like and share