Generation Twist

Why Talking About Racism Isn’t About Guilt—It’s About Healing and Wholeness
by Ita Hozaife

Talking about racism is uncomfortable- for both those who perpetuate it and those who receive it. This deeply rooted conversation about race, superiority, and inferiority stirs guilt, shame, and regret, often morphing into anger, a mask of unspoken pain. Anger, at times, conceals fear- fear of letting go of the familiar, fear of confronting attachments to beliefs that divide. These beliefs shield against change but also prevent connection.

As someone of African descent, I’ve often been advised, particularly by African men, to remain silent on racism. "It makes white people uncomfortable," they say. "They might feel guilt they haven’t earned, become defensive, retreat into homogeneity, and cut off ties." And while I can empathize with the discomfort, seeing the indignation often laced with shame, I realize that to remain silent is to deny the healing that both sides desperately need.

Everyone deserves wholeness- freedom from the wounds of history, from fear, from shame. But to reach that wholeness, we must face discomfort head-on. Inviting curiosity, empathy, awareness, and honest intent into these discussions could bring us closer to humanity’s highest possibility. To shy away from these conversations fosters distrust and inauthenticity, disguised as peace and reconciliation. Speaking of racism should never be to judge or shame; it is about understanding origins- why was racism created, why was hierarchy needed, and, more importantly, is it still needed today?

What purpose does feeling greater or lesser than another serve? The truth is, the existence of laws protecting the right to wear one’s natural hair or carry a name unfamiliar to Western tongues signals progress, yet it also highlights a painful endurance that those needing these laws have faced. Silence becomes a cork on a volcano of suppressed truths, while speaking with the sole intent to shame only heightens defences.

Instead, let’s talk with intention, not just to air grievances but to seek understanding, uncover beliefs, and create the trust that is vital for true healing.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder of Think Kinder Ltd.)

When You Dare to Shine,
Men in Darkness Will Try to Erase You (Continued)
by Ita Hozaife

I once read a quote: “The best apology is a changed behaviour.” But what happens when our apology isn’t accepted? When our changed behaviour goes unnoticed? When, no matter how hard we try- knowing we are human after all- there will always be those who remind us of our mistakes, who cling to the people we once were, refusing to see the people we are becoming?

There’s a reason one of the most powerful villains is called The Accuser. They don’t just remind us of our mistakes- they remind us that we’re not enough. They whisper: You aren’t worthy. You did this. You hurt that person. You cheated. You’ve failed so many times, what makes this time any different? You’ll never change. You’ll always be a bad parent. A bad partner. Bad with money. You’ll drink again. You’ll slip… again. You can’t be trusted. The accusations keep coming, like stones hurled by a crowd, striking at the heart of who we are trying to become.

Yet, those who throw stones, those who accuse, are no different from us. They, too, are flesh and blood, marked by their own mistakes. They may say, “I could never…” “I would never…” “I have never…” But they have. We’ve all hurt people, broken promises, let people down and fallen short of our own expectations. We’ve felt the sharp sting of guilt, regret and shame. And yet, we gather with stones in hand and accusations like acid on our tongues.

I once heard a story of a woman who was about to be stoned to death. One man simply said, “Let the one without guilt throw the first stone.” That day, the woman was lucky. The crowd had soft hearts and no social media accounts to hide behind. When the stones fell to the ground, the man asked her, "Does no one condemn you?"
“No one, sir,” she replied.
“Neither do I,” he said. “Go your way, and keep yourself from trouble.”

It didn’t matter what the woman had done. The man wasn’t distracted by the need to judge or label. Rather he seemed focused on what now. It wasn’t that he had given her a pass. He gave her compassion. She was given the grace to face another day, the chance to try again, and the space to rise toward her highest self.

And that’s what each day is for me- a new opportunity to grow, to change, to become. Despite the accusations, despite the stones thrown by others or even the ones we throw at ourselves, the path forward remains. It’s always there, waiting for us to step onto it with courage.

When-not if- the accusers appear, we must remind ourselves that their accusations are often reflections of their own pain. We are more than our mistakes. We are worthy of grace, of compassion, of the chance to transform. Each day offers us another opportunity to become the people we were always meant to be.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

Control: The Comfort Trap
by Ita Hozaife

We often seek to control people, relationships, and situations, not for growth, but for our own comfort. This type of control is not the self-discipline that helps us overcome weaknesses. No, this is the kind of control that fortifies our comfort zone- a coping mechanism that halts progress and keeps us stagnant.

We see it in parenting when patience runs out, or when we cannot accept our children’s different ways. The frustration, or better still, the unspoken demand becomes: “You will either bend, or I will break you.” But in reality, it's not about the child’s behaviour- it’s the scream of our own loss of control. We can’t control the situation, so we attempt to control them and abandon guiding them.

In society/social circles, we surround ourselves with those like us- people of the same race, beliefs, or background- so we don't have to confront the discomfort of change. Facing another perspective, or admitting to harmful thoughts and beliefs, challenges us. The discomfort of learning, confronting deep-seated shame, or the fear of judgment as morally lacking can feel overwhelming. So, we remain rigid and inflexible. We demand the world bend around our comfort zones rather than becoming curious enough about our discomfort to investigate its source. Instead of doing the work on ourselves and engaging with others, we resist.

We deflect responsibility, blaming others instead of acknowledging our role. That discomfort and frustration we feel? They are our nature’s alarm, signaling the need for collaboration, for a new perspective, for a simple tweak in our approach. Discomfort is not our enemy- it’s a truth trying to surface.

We blame others instead of taking responsibility. This shows up in deflection. And the discomfort, the frustration we feel, is the truth knocking on the door, telling us: "There’s something to be addressed here." It’s nature’s alarm, signalling the need for collaboration, for a new perspective, for a simple tweak in our approach. Discomfort is not our enemy- it’s a truth trying to surface.

I’ve learned it only hurts if there’s a wound. If no wound exists, there is no pain. So what is that wound? That’s what we have to sit with, understand, and heal. Not ignore, not hope it will heal on its own. We have the power to change, but change requires doing the work.

We often force others to believe as we believe or worship as we worship- not out of concern for their well-being, but because their differences, I believe, challenge our own sense of superiority. I don’t think it’s truly about their souls or their enlightenment; I feel it’s about our egos, our discomfort with anything that threatens our tightly held beliefs.

But here’s what I say to that: Test the fruit.

What are the fruits? They are the evidence you need to confirm whether your actions, behaviours, and decisions are leading you toward your highest self, your most ethical path, or your greatest contribution to humanity.

I found this beautiful list of the fruits in a book:
• Love: (I’ll share more on this fruit in another piece.)
• Joy: (When the Spirit dances.)
• Peace: (When the Spirit rests.)
• Patience: (When the Spirit waits.)
• Kindness: (The natural result of love.)
• Goodness: (Living with good morals and motives.)
• Faithfulness: (Being trustworthy, loyal, constant, and dependable.)
• Gentleness: (The ability to discern when to offer a gentle word, forgive, and let go.)
• Self-control: (This fruit blossoms when awareness blooms. Awareness helps us identify and overcome areas of weakness.)

These are the fruits of a life lived intentionally, a life that seeks progress, not comfort. And when we learn to embrace the discomfort, we can finally stop controlling and start growing.
To be continued...

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

Your Superpower Needs Discipline, Not Suppression
By Ita Hozaife

What's my superpower?
Growing up, I was told I talked too much. And you know what? It’s true.
When I became an adult, I was told I was too emotional. Yup, that’s true too.
For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me. I once read,

"A person without self-control is like a city without walls." I wasn’t broken- I just needed discipline, focus, and direction. Nothing was wrong with me or my emotions; they were my superpower. I just hadn’t learned how to use them yet.
You can’t imagine how often this superpower I didn’t even know I had was used to dismiss, minimize, and humiliate me- mostly by those I loved. I almost, so close, threw away my diamond without knowing its worth.

Now, people say I write too much. Well, guess what? I have to use my words one way or another! And that’s the thing- your superpower doesn’t save anyone until you start using it to rescue yourself first.

At first, a superpower often feels like a burden- unnoticed, unwanted, even a source of shame. For me, it was my tears. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m overwhelmed. You get the picture. I used to feel embarrassed. It embarrassed me for years, and I wanted to stop. But I was focused on the wrong things. I was too busy noticing the disapproving faces and wearing the labels others stuck on me: She’s so emotional. She’s too sensitive. She’s breaking down.

No. I wasn’t breaking down. I was like Vision from X-Men- a powerful being who hadn’t yet learned to harness my gift. My superpower needed understanding, direction, and control. And I needed to start using it to heal myself before I could help anyone else.
Yes I’m emotional. Yes, I’m empathetic. If you cry, I’ll probably need a tissue too. That’s who I am. And that’s my superpower.

Maybe some of this resonates with you. What if what you’ve been told is "too much" is actually your gift, waiting to be shaped and refined? What if, with focus and self-love, you could turn that hidden power into your greatest strength? Your superpower may be hidden behind what people tell you is "too much." But with self-awareness, discipline, and a little compassion, it becomes your greatest strength. Rescue yourself first and watch how that changes everything.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

P.S. Thanks Van for helping me see my tears as a superpower.