Star Marf

Funny Question😂😂😂

1) How do blind people know when they've wake up?

2) How come🤔a green bathing soap produces White foam💨?

3)why does super glue not stick inside it's own bottle?

4)But how did first teacher become a teacher without been taught by a teacher?

5) why Monday is so far from Friday,but Friday close to Monday?

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OYA SWEAR SAY YOU NEVER DO ANY OF THESE 🤣👇

1. K!ll earthworm with salt 🪱🧂
2. Play rubber band 😭
3. Bath under rain 🌧️
4. Hear that fake “India vs Nigeria 99-1” story 😂
5. Sleep for couch wake up for bed 🛏️
6. Throw milk teeth on roof make lizard bring new one 🦎
7. Wash only leg and hand instead of baffing before school 😭
8. Act film inside uncompleted building 🎬
9. Fly kite 🪁
10. Use your leg build sand house 🏠
11. Write your name put inside pen so nobody go thief am 😂
12. Close fridge slowly to check when light go off 😭
13. Wave white bird make your nails white 😂
14. Fear ghost wey dey mango tree 🌳👻
15. Roll tyre with stick call am motor 🚗🤣
16. Put garri and sugar for pocket dey chop am for road 😭
17. Play “Mama and Papa” cook leaf soup without fire 😂
18. Use bottle cover play table soccer ⚽

If you never do any of these…
Abeg your childhood no complete 😭🤣

And wait oo 😭👇

Na today I know say:
“Jangilova epo motor” 🚫
Actually na:
🎶 “Jingle over like a motor” 🎶

And “Sandalili Sandalili” 😭
Na actually:
“Standard living, standard living” 😂😂

Now everybody dey sing am again for head 🤣🤣

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My Essay 😂😂😂

I came back from school tired, weak and hungry like person wey trek from Lagos reach Ghana 😭.

As I entered the house, I saw my dad and his friends in the living room watching football match with serious concentration.

You know those uncles that will shout “GOALLLLL!” like say dem be assistant coach 😭.
My mom was at the dining table eating rice and chicken peacefully 🍗.

I greeted everybody respectfully:
“Good evening daddy… Good evening sirs…”

Nobody answered me 😒
All their eyes were fixed on the TV.

Na my mom vex first.
She shouted:
“Una no hear say pikin greet? Abi football don suddenly block una ear?” 🤦🏽‍♀️

Before I could even sit down, one of my dad’s friends called me:
“Ahhh GODSENT! Come and shake my hand!”

Omo my body no even get strength but I went there 😭.
I greeted him properly.

He smiled and asked:
“How is school? Hope you’re a good boy?”

I replied softly:
“Yes sir 🙂”

Unfortunately… destiny was against me that day 😭.

I was holding my English assignment in my hand.
Topic was:
✍️ WRITE AN ESSAY ABOUT YOUR FATHER

And foolishly… I scored 20/20 😭😭😭

The man quickly collected the paper from my hand before I could hide it.

First thing he saw was the score.
“HA! 20 over 20? This boy na genius o!”

My dad’s chest immediately expanded like sachet water under sun 😂.
He smiled proudly and said:
“My son is brilliant. True son of his father!”

If only the man knew what was inside that essay 😭.

His friend continued:
“Interesting! The essay is even about your father. Should I read it out loud?”

Immediately I shouted:
“No sir! It’s okay sir! 😭”

But my mother wey like drama pass African Magic jumped in immediately.
“Mike abeg read am make we hear wetin this boy write 😂”

Omo immediately I disappeared from the living room and hid near the corridor 😭.

Then Uncle Mike adjusted himself and started reading…

“MY FATHER” ✍️

“My father is a very hardworking man.
Ever since I was born, my father has only three jeans trousers and one red polo.
Rain or sunshine, he washes and wears them immediately because patience is not in his blood 😭.”

The room became quiet small 😭.

Uncle Mike continued:
“My father loves football very much.
Whenever Arsenal loses, everybody in the house avoids him for safety purposes.”

One uncle burst out laughing 😂.

“My father is also a caring husband.
Whenever my mother is sick, he buys medicine for her.
But every weekend he buys chicken and ice cream for our maid because according to him, ‘hard work deserves encouragement.’”

Omo 😭😭😭
My mother slowly dropped the spoon she was using to eat.
My dad adjusted himself on the chair.
One of his friends was already coughing because of laughter 😂.

Uncle Mike continued confidently.

“My father is a prayerful man.
Every Friday when my mother goes for night duty at the hospital, my father enters our maid’s room to ‘pray’ for her.
Sometimes I hear the maid shouting:
‘Ogå please leave me alone, I want to sleep!’... Oga stop not today......

I know deliverance is not easy 😭.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣

At this point one uncle fell from the chair laughing.
My mother stood up slowly like Nigerian movie villain.

My dad shouted:
“Mike okay okay that’s enough!”

But my mom shouted louder:
“CONTINUE READING!!!” 😭🔥

Omo war atmosphere don enter house.

Uncle Mike cleared throat again.

“My father also knows one aunty called Chamaka who lives opposite the phårm@cy shop.
She usually gives me paper to give my father secretly.
Sometimes my father sends me back with money for her.
Till today I still wonder if my father is doing loan business because he’s always giving her money.”

My dad’s friends were now holding their stomachs 😂😂😂.
One of them said:
“James your son na FBI agent 😭”

But destruction never finish 😭.

Uncle Mike continued:
“My father likes surprising my mother with his cooking.
But honestly my father cannot cook.
Anytime he cooks, me and my mother pretend to enjoy the food so he won’t feel bad.
Later at night, we hide inside kitchen and drink garri for survival.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Silence.
Complete silence.
Even the football commentator on TV sounded afraid 😭.

My mother turned slowly and looked at my father.
“SO THIS IS WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING???”

My father started stammering:
“Baby listen… it’s not what you think…”

My mom shouted:
“WHO IS CHAMAKA??
AND WHY DO YOU BUY ICE CREAM FOR MAID EVERY WEEKEND???” 😭🔥

One uncle nearly died from laughing.
Another one said:
“This boy no go make heaven 😭”

Immediately chairs started moving and voices started rising…

Omo I ran straight to my room and locked the door 🏃🏽‍♂️😭.

From inside my room I could hear:
“CALL THE MAID COME HERE NOW!”
“THE BOY IS LYING!”
“IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!”

That night nobody watched football again 😭.

As for me…
I slept with one eye open because I knew once my dad catches me,

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1. Job Opportunity 😭
Are you 19+?
Have valid ID?
Speak English fluently?
Ready to work 9am–3pm for 350k?

If yes… send your details so we can go look for the job together 🤣
I no fit trek alone again 🚶‍♂️😂

2. Pepper Warning 🌶️
I’ve made many mistakes in life…
but I will NEVER laugh while eating Yoruba stew 😭

3. Hard Times 😂
Shaving stick don cost…
At this point I fit boil hot water… do am like chicken 😭🤣

4. Smart Move 😇
On judgment day, I go faint…
make dem rush me enter Heaven for treatment 😂

5. Friendship Test 😒
I buy suya, you throw away your chewing gum…
WHY?? 😭😂

6. iPhone Culture 📱
The bond between iPhone users and toilet mirrors…
can NEVER be broken 🤣

7. Money Wahala 💸
I wonder how rich people sleep peacefully…
Me, just 5k in my room and everybody be looking like thiëf 😭😂

8. Funeral Confusion 😭
You’re crying at a funeral…
then you check your pocket—phone missing 😳
Will you continue crying?? 😂

9. Fresh Student 😅
New student: “Keep the change”
Omo… I just pity am 😂

10. Breakfast Struggle 🍞
Rich people: 2 slices of bread + tea
Me: 10 slices + bucket of tea just to warm up 😭🤣

11. Fast Walker 🏃‍♂️
Nobody walks faster than someone
that was given extra change in a shop 😂

12. Suspicion Level 🤨
I entered bus… person beside me dey smell like egusi soup 😭
I’m sure dem use soup pot boil bathing water 😂

13. Love Debate 😏
Your parents married for 30 years…
you dey ask “does true love exist?”
Are you okay? 😂

14. Pain Level 100 💀
I nearly joined my ancestors this morning…
I zipped my trousers with my “input device” 😭

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Star Marf

Me: Thank you sir 🙇‍♂️

Judge 1: What’s your name?
Me: My name is Good Name.

Judge 2: 🤨 What kind name be that?
Me: Bible talk say a good name is better than riches, so I upgrade myself 😌

Judges: 😲🤣🤣

Judge 1: So you’re better than riches?
Me: Yes sir. That’s why money dey chase me… I dey run 🏃‍♂️💀

Judge 3: Where are you from?
Me: Nigeria 🇳🇬

Judge 3: Wow! How did you get here?
Me: My friend es**rt me come… because I dey es**rt am go buy garri before 😌

Judge 4: What is garri?
Me: Oh sorry sir… groceries and floating berries 😭😂

Judge 1: Where exactly in Nigeria?
Me: My mum say I be Igbo, my dad say I be Yoruba…
Me I just dey behave like Hausa to avoid confusion 😭

Judge 2: How old are you?
Me: I be child sir.

Judge 2: Your age??
Me: My mama say she no fit born person like me…
So I still dey wait for original manufacturer 🏃‍♂️💀

Judge 1: 😤 What did you come here to do tonight?
Me: Nothing.

Judges: 😳 NOTHING??

Me: Yes sir. People say nothing is impossible…
So I wan prove am LIVE 🔥😂

👏👏 Crowd go wild

Judge 3: Apart from nothing, what else can you do?
Me: I fit repair shoe, phone, even torchlight 😌

Judge 3: What makes you so sure?
Me: Last time I repair phone for my neighbor…

Judge: Yes?

Me: He call police for me 😭

Judge: 😳 WHY??

Me: He say my repair too powerful…
Dem arrest me so they can DETAIN me…

…RETAIN my talent…

…MAINTAIN my skills…

So I can ATTAIN greatness 😂😂😂

💀💀💀

If you read reach here and no laugh…
check your network 😭📶

👇👇👇
Star Marf
Follöw for more joke

A pilot was asked to transfer some mad people from Nigeria 🇳🇬 to USA 🇺🇸.
He agreed and took them on board.

As the plane took off, everywhere was noisy… shouting, screaming, total chaos 😩

After a while, one of the mad men walked up to the pilot and said:
“Please teach me how to fly this airplane.”

The pilot, already frustrated, replied:
“I’ll teach you… but only if you can make your friends quiet.”

The mäd man nodded and went back.

Few minutes later… everywhere became SILENT 🤐
You could hear pin drop… like angels just entered the plane 😇

The pilot was shocked 😳

When the man came back, the pilot asked:
“What did you tell them that made them quiet like this?”

The mäd man smiled and said:
“I opened the door… so they went outside to play.” 😌

✈️💀 The pilot fainted immediately 🤣🤣🤣

😂 If this one didn’t make you laugh, check your battery level… you don dey low.

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“HOW TO DIRECT SOMEBODY TO YOUR HOUSE”

🌍 AMERICA 🇺🇸
451 Lincoln Avenue, Capital Street.
See you there. 🥰

🌍 ENGLAND 🇬🇧
122 Downing Street, Flat 8.
See you soon. 😌

🌍 “LAND OF THE LIVING” 🇳🇬😂
As you’re coming ehh… once Okada drop you,
turn left small…

You go see one shop where dem dey do DSTV subscription…
pass am… just be coming… be coming…

When you reach the end of the street,
you go wan turn left again…

BUT no follow your right o! 😳
Bad boys dey there, dem fit collect your phone 😭

Just continue…

When you see one kiosk where one woman dey sell pap…
look to your right 👀

You go see one yellow upstairs building…
under am, Bet9ja shop dey…

Just flash me from there 😌📞

🤣🤣 Nigeria my country, I hail oo! 🙌😂

If you never get lost before with this kind direction, you never really travel 😂

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A small boy named Emeka lived in a village in Warri, Nigeria. None of his classmates liked him because of his… let’s say, stüpïdity. Even his teacher was always yelling:

“You are driving me crazy, Emeka!”

One day, Emeka’s mother came to the school to check on him. The teacher told her the honest truth:

“Your son is simply a disaster, he gets very low marks, and I’ve never seen such a dumb boy in my entire career!”

The mother was shocked. She withdrew Emeka from school and even moved to another town!

Fast forward 25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. Doctors advised an open-heart operation, and only one surgeon could perform it. She had no choice and went through the surgery successfully.

When she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him but couldn’t speak. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand… and then she died!

The doctor was shocked. When he turned around to figure out what went wrong… he saw Emeka, working as a cleaner in the clinic… who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to charge his phone! 🙊

🤣 Don’t tell me you thought Emeka became a doctor!

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Me: Welcome to my house 🏠😎

Her: Thank you 😊..

Me: Na you be the girl I dey chat on F@ceb00k, abi? 🤔📱...

Her: (smiles) Yes 😌

Me: Ohhh... You look so... 👀 (looks at her stomach) Na your belle be this? 😭😂

Her: Yes. What’s wrong? 🤨

Me: You be Honourable? 🏛️😂

Her: What do you mean? 😒

Me: Or you swallow fridge? 🥶📦🤣

Her: I don’t understand 😑

Me: (laughs) Why you dey do like that? See the way your belle big 😭 Or you dey related to Cubana Chief Priest? 😂

Her: Na so my belle big. It’s natural 😤

Me: Na lie 😭 Wetin natural for there? Omo! See the way your belle big 😂

Her: Forget the belly and look at the nyash 😏

Me: (laughs) The belle sef dey cover the nyash 🤣 Them fit climb your belle hang bulb ooo 💡😂

Her: See the nyash na (bends) 😏

Me: I no dey see anything 😭 Omo, this your belle big eh, you need NEPA belt wey dem dey take climb pole like four ⚡🪜🤣

Her: Are you trying to insult me? 😠

Me: Na lie... How you go say na so your belle dey 😭 I even think say maybe rain dey fall for outside so you hide some things under your cloth ☔😂

Her: Don’t insult me 😡

Me: Why you dey behave like that 😭 Omo! See your belle oh 😂 What if you come get belle join this belle? Na full wheelbarrow oh 🛒🤣 Abeg carry me go junction make I buy something 😭 (holds her hand)

Her: What are you trying to do? 😳

Me: Like carry me go junction now 😂🛒....

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Back in secondary school, our English teacher made the mistake of choosing me, to represent my house in an inter-school debate 🎤😂
The topic was:
“Which Is Better: Garri or Rice?”
Immediately I heard it, I stood up and shouted:
“Madam, my mama the sell garri I'm gonna win this debate....😜
The whole class burst into laughter.
My opponent was one fine girl from another school, Amara, representing Rice 🍚✨
She adjusted her tie like she was defending PhD thesis and said:
“Rice is food of celebration 🎉
No wedding is complete without rice.
No birthday is successful without rice.
No Christmas is valid without rice.
Nobody says:
‘Come celebrate with us, we are serving soaked garri and groundnut.’”
Crowd laughed 😂😂
She continued:
“Rice has class 😌
Rice has packaging 💅
Rice has varieties:
Jollof, Fried, Coconut, Ofada, White Rice & Stew 🍛
Rice enters party with confidence.
Rice wears suit and tie 👔
Garri enters in rubber bowl.”
Audience screamed 😭🤣
Then she dropped final bomb 💣:
“Rice is for champions 🏆
Athletes eat rice.
Presidents eat rice.
Garri is what people eat when things are not moving well.”
Thunderous applause 👏🔥
Even my own classmates were clapping.
Traitors. 😒😂
Then it was my turn 😎
I adjusted my oversized school trousers and stepped forward like a warrior 🕺
“Good day honorable judges, respected audience, and my opponent speaking under the influence of jollof propaganda…” 🤣
“Today I stand to defend not just a food…
I stand to defend a LEGEND 💪A SURVIVOR 🫡
A SAVIOR OF HUMANITY 🙌I stand to defend…
GARRI!!!”......
Half the students shouted:
“YEEEEEE!!!” 😂🔥

I asked the judges:
“Do you have garri in your house?” 👀
They laughed........
One judge nodded 😂.....
I shouted: “Exactly! Because Garri is the LAST HOPE OF MANKIND!”

When rice finishes — Garri is there 🫡
When salary never enter — Garri is there 💸
When mummy says “manage till month end” — Garri appears like superhero 🦸
Audience: “YEEEEEE!” 🤣
“Rice is for parties 🎉
Garri is for survival 🪖
Rice is occasional 📅
Garri is dependable 💯”
Then I turned to Amara dramatically 😤👇
“Can rice save you in 30 seconds?!”
“When hunger strikes by 11:47pm 🌙
Can rice shout:
‘My son, I am ready!’?”
NO!
But Garri?
Add water 💧
Add sugar 🍬
Add groundnut 🥜
SALVATION HAS COME! 🙌🤣
Then I explained the meaning of GARRI 😭🔥
G – Giver of Energy ⚡
A – Attitude Changer 😤
R – Restorer of Hope 🙏
R – Reducer of Weakness 💪
I – Increaser of Agility 🏃
“Garri has many names:”
Student Power 📚
Life Support ❤️
Hunger Destroyer 🍽️
Emergency Department 🚑
Federal Ministry of Survival 🏛️🤣
“Garri is loyal!”
Cornflakes came and left 🥣
Golden Morn disappointed 😭
Noodles became expensive 💸
But Garri remained faithful.
Faithful in dry season ☀️
Faithful in rainy season 🌧️
Faithful in suffering 😭
Then I delivered the final blow 💣🔥
“My opponent said nobody serves garri in party…”
I paused dramatically 😌
“THAT IS BECAUSE GARRI IS NOT A PARTY GUEST…”
Entire hall went silent 👀
Then I shouted:
“GARRI IS FAMILY!!!” 🏠🤣🔥
Hall exploded 😂😂😂
I pointed at Amara one last time:
“Rice is for enjoyment…
GARRI IS FOR EMERGENCY AND ENJOYMENT!”

Rice needs firewood 🔥 Rice needs gas ⛽
Rice needs pot 🍲 Rice needs time ⏳

But u see Garri?Just bring cup and water…WE MOVE! 🚶‍♂️💨🤣
Thank you. 🎤⬇️
Abeg did I win amara 🤣🤣🤷...

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