Daarul Imaam Al-Layth

A rolling stone gathers no moss

In our society, something is terribly changing. Commitment to marriage and family values. Change is good for some things we do, not everything. Even at that, constant change prevents stability. The rate at which marriages are crashing among us is alarming. Some will like to blame it on poverty (this is largely true) while others blame men for high-handedness (sometimes over exaggerated). I would like to look at it from another angle.

Daughters are adorable and wonderful. I know because I have four of them. The bond between a father and his daughter is something one can't explain. Yet, men have a broader role in turning these little damsels into loveable wives in the future. How do you do that?

1. Do not over pamper: Flogging your daughter might not be appropriate but scold her when she does something wrong. Let her be used to being corrected when wrong and rewarded or praised when she did something right. Her future husband who you want to be a responsible man will correct and appreciate her be that as it may. If she grew up thinking correction is humiliation, that marriage might not last.

2. House chores: I do not believe that house chores are for females alone. Anyone who knows me will tell you that till today, I prefer to wash my clothes and iron them. I've also not married a woman who can boast of being a better cook than me. Thanks to my late mum (may Allah subhānahu wa ta'ala overlook her shortcomings and grant her Jannah). However, females must be used to house chores. No man wants to see his house dirty or eat poison. Teach her how to cook, do the dishes, and sweep the floor. It's an honorable thing to do. It beautifies her femininity.

3. Humility: Teach her to know how to say "I'm sorry" whenever she does something wrong. It will assist her more in life apart from marriage.

4. Bashfulness: A woman who is lousy turn most men off. The remaining men who are attracted to such women are either pretending just to get in-between her legs or also morally bankrupt. You can achieve this by limiting how she mixes with the opposite s*x or shut her up when she jumps into a conversation she's not invited to.

5. Contentment: Always train her to manage whatever resources she has at her disposal. This will assist her in the future. A woman who wants it all will never be able to manage a home.

7. Responsibilities: Discuss little problems of yours with her and ask her to advice you. Train her to be a problem solver and not the opposite. This will boost her self-confidence and assist her in being an ASSET and not a LIABILITY to herself and her future husband.

Some people might wonder why I didn't mention religion. I believe we have that and yet, some of our sisters are not marriageable! Why?! Also, despite the trend of having various marriage counseling services today (an act which has failed woefully in the western world where it originated from), there are more divorces than marriages.

Our sisters should calm down. Men want happy homes. Treat him with respect and people will accuse you of using sihr (juju) on him. When you have issues with your husband, the people urging you on to disrespect him will not share their spouse with you. Any financial assistance from them will also dwindle with time. Social media ranting might gain momentum a little bit but it doesn't last long. People have pressing issues they want to attend to. You also put the future of your kids at risk. The Yorubas have a beautiful adage "eniti oba wu eni ni omo e un wuni".

This is a long-term solution. For short term, marry someone who's much older than you. It might sound funny but it is a good advice. I heard a GenZ wrote a post saying older men should chill because she is not interested. Sister, he's probably the only one who will tolerate your excessiveness. As for older women misbehaving in their husbands' house, you need ruqyah.

Musa Ibrahim-Katsina
Mudeer, Daarul Imaam al-Layth International Schools

Alhamdulillāh. May Allah subhānahu wa ta'ala bless the effort of the Mudeer of Daarul Imaam al-Layth International Schools, Shaykh Musa Ibrahim-Katsina.