Flare Gems

A true gentleman may quickly become the center of attention but he will never take his eyes off his own lady, no matter how many other women are competing to get his attention. There are many men who try to play the game, drawing in many women and treating each like they are disposable and interchangeable. A real gentleman would never do this no matter how high his popularity may be with others or how attractive he is to the opposite s*x. A real man who has been raised properly and taught to act like a gentleman understands that respect for his lady is a top priority, and that this reflects well on him as well.

We all deserve to feel beautiful. We love getting our make-up and hair done. Make up does not make us whole, but it does feel nice to treat ourselves to facials, manicures, pedicures and massages. Make a point of not feeling guilty for treating yourself once in a while. No one else is going to treat you the way you want to be treated, so balance your budget and treat yourself to the things you want on a regular basis.

THE GENTLEMANLY APOLOGY

Dearest darling men, We at Cosmuk truly wish you never had to apologize, but you’re men after all. Ok, It shouldn’t be so cynical, you’re human, and we all make mistakes, right? Thank goodness for mercy, compassion, understanding, and tolerance. To err is to be human, and to forgive is, well, to be wonderful. But before we can reach forgiveness, we need to master the art of the apology. And a true gentleman, in his noble and decorous way, is very good at this.

Think back to 2nd grade. Some girl is crying because some boy broke her special pencil. The teacher says to the boy, “Now say you’re sorry.” He sarcastically blurts his apologies with a snicker, so the teach adds, “Like you mean it.”

Like you mean it.

The like you mean it part is important even as grownups. Apologizing can make you feel better, but more importantly, if you mean it, it should make you contemplate the wrong that was done, intentionally, consciously, or not. And then, it should make the other person feel better, too.

What wrongs do we do? Oh, come on. You’re men, you're human. You screw up at work. You break a promise to a friend. You forget an important date, like an anniversary. You tell a lie to your lover. Don’t say, “Who me? Not me?” Yes you. We all at some point have let those who are counting on us down. Whether we intended the harm or not, it’s important to understand the wrong that has been done in order to deliver the appropriate apology, and thus receive the atonement a delivery of I’m sorry seeks.

In some cases, such as a slip-up in an intimate relationship, a visit and a personally delivered apology is best.

Flowers can be a nice follow-up, but you shouldn’t rely on buying your way out of a wrongdoing. And if you send flowers after a more personal means of apology, make sure the size of the bouquet reflects the magnitude of the offense.

In other cases, such as a minor screw up at work, an email or phone call with a sincerely delivered “I’m sorry” will be greatly appreciated.

For life’s biggest blunders, We suggest a carefully hand written a note on a special piece of paper. And then, perhaps, a little of all of the above.

Most important to any apology, however, is the act of engaging your conscience. Contemplate the other person’s feelings. Truly strive to understand what was wrong and why. And then take responsibility. If you’re delivering your apology in person, by email, or by handwriting, prior thought and saying it like you mean it will do you a world of good. This shows your boss, or your girlfriend, or your angry neighbor, that you’re thinking, you’re aware, you’re committed, and you’re not going to make this mistake again.

Yes, a gentleman puts his best foot forward and tries not to make mistakes in the first place, but it happens to the best. To understand that trust is the cornerstone of all good relationships, and to travel whatever distance necessary to restore lost trust is the mark of refinement. Getting good people into your life was a feat in the first place, now engage your honor to keep them there.

Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love.

1) Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.

2) Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

3) Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.

4) Set boundaries. You'll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.

5) Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of "friends" who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My suggestion to you here: Get rid of them! There isn't enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face that says, "I genuinely love myself and life". You will love and respect yourself more.

6) Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.

7) Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn't have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.

If you choose just one or two of these self-love actions to work on, you will begin to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you'll appreciate you when you exercise these seven-steps to self-love. It is true that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself. If you exercise all of the actions of self-love that I describe here, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating. Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being.