Rathin Bhattacharjee

RNB’s Diary
Dated 24th June,2024
If I was impressed with Mamon and Nandan’s performance last time we visited my Sister-in-law’s house, Dinka and Payel impressed me no less at ｔｈｅｉｒ residence yesterday.
We had hardly settled ourselves in the house, when my bro uttered something like how he blamed his wife of over 37 years for some of the things going wrong in their lives, that made my Sister-in-law very down and she nearly broke down wanting to be sent off to an old-age home ( the usual ‘scenes’ between most couples, you know) before things quitened down altogether. The moment my sister-in-law broke down, my bro looked lost and pained. End of the story or was it? Because there is so much to learn about Love, Understanding, Forgiveness and so on by watching these people from close quarters.
But Payel, my bro's daughter-in-law, someone he taught and has known for over 3 decades, had been busy all through, serving the soft drinks , preparing tea endlessly and never forgetting to keep that smile on her face!
I shared something with her later. A lesson I learnt from a fellow passenger while on a train to Alipurduar. The lady was actually sitting on one of those lower side berths, talking to my wife, Jaya. I was lying on my berth with my eyes closed when something uttered by the lady, drove sleep away from my eyes and made me sit up.
“You know,” she was telling Jaya, "All my life, I’ve tried to discharge my duties to everyone to the best of my abilities. Now, at the fag end of my life, I wish I could have gone overboard and do a little more for them….”
What a heartfelt confession! I spent the next 15/20 minutes talking to this Professor of a college in North Bengal.
I shared her utterance with Payel yesterday. I have never been known to be a broad-minded person. I always want people closest to my heart to be the best. I had to share this incident with Payel anyway.
You know, dear reader, there are many ways of winning a person's love and respect. The simplest way is by praising her to the skies. My late Baro Jamai Babu belonged to this school. But there is another school who will do exactly the opposite. They will make life hell for you just to see if you good or not.
The premises are that if you are really good at heart, you will never retaliate, no matter what. If you being an elder, call an younger names and if s/he retaliates by calling you names on your face or behind your back - that person doesn't deserve to be called a good human.
Payel reminded me of something my late Maa was very fond of reciting :
Bauer nei naaon/ Bauer nei khaon,
Bauer nei Katha/ Bauer nei byatha.
(The gist of this saying is - It's best for a daughter in law to keep quiet under all circumstances).
Try telling this to any of the modern day wonder girls of Bengal! They will either label me a mysogynist or an uneducated swine or something similar. But the fact remains that under the garb of women emancipation, a lot of our present day women are being totally misguided. The rising divorce rate in any part of India is a clear indication of that.

Anyway, Payel kept working till we had our mobile dinner served in different containers including a large chunk of the birthday cakes ( Cakes because there were two as we were celebrating my bro’s birthday at his residence in advance yesterday. Today, actually happens to be his birthday and God bless his soul. He should be en example to many of how one can conquer the heavy odds and raise a proper family). Payel is a living example of how a daughter-in-law has to keep her cool under all circumstances. And for those daughters-in-law who are happy right now showing utter disrespect to your in-laws, you wait and watch.You can take it from me that Life always pays back. And what is more, Life always pays back with interest.

I have never ever tried to bless a daughter-in-law of the house like I did yesterday and I am reminded of my Barda in this context. A bro, who tried to be there for each of his eight sisters-in-law ( my wife Jaya had tears welling up in her eyes the other day while talking about how much Barda loved her). Barda was a league apart. A friend and well-wisher for the people he really cared, and he cared for almost everyone including Anjan.

If Payel was Mrs.Cool and Graceful, Dinka, my nephew showed me why I always wanted a son despite many people telling me when I had one daughter born after the other, that in today's world, to have a daughter is a boon. Dinka kept running around, doing errands, sweating profusely while my Bro went on bossing him around. And didn't I feel jealous of my own bro at that time for the first time in my life?

I am keeping the conversation I had with Dinka aside for the time being. Though I told him in the course of our conversation that ‘Opportunity knocks on the door but once’ ( He has had a tremendous offer from abroad recently), I felt very proud of him when he told me in the end that having considered all pros and cons, he has decided not to accept this offer. He has to leave his present job as a result, no doubt, as per the Policy of the Company he’s been working for, he has to go abroad after a certain period of time. But he won't because he feels that his presence at home, is really of utmost importance right now. My Bro, Baudi, even Payel (I don't know her opinion though), they all want him to go though .
“There will be a second chance, Bappa Kaka. And if it doesn't come, I won't complain. I have seen some of my relatives. There is more important thing than Money in life, isn't it?”
I talked to him about another nephew, late Chandan Guha. Someone who ended up as the CEO of CEOs, teaching Zamba (?) Dance or something to his students, mostly girls in Mumbai, who were willing to eat out of his hand! Very few people could have lived Life to the lees like Chandan did. And mind you, he died at 42 only. I concluded my conversation with Dinka by telling him, “I’s going to Belgharia for a job that wouldn’t even pay me a decent salary. I would live my life to its dreadful end, I've no doubt about it. Even if I am sucessful in my next life or the life after that, I will never achieve what Chandan did in one single life!”
I spoke to Dinka about Chandan because I was trying to convince him that once he goes abroad and spends some 2 / 3 years there, by the time he comes back, he won't have to worry about money like I do. But Dinka is different from me. He exudes a lot of self-confidence, self-belief. And he is a very decent boy to the people who are respectful to his parents. The last quality will take him miles with God’s blessings, you mark my words.

RNB's Diary
Dated : 24th June, 2023
10.30 AM

When All Good Intentions of Wishing A Bro On His Birthday Turn Terribly Sour …….

Today is a very sad day for me. I had just finished taking bath when my wife cried out from our room :
"Mana, today is Anuda's birthday." I don't remember when I talked to my bro last. Most probably last May. Did he call me on my birthday this year? Whatever, I decided to call and wish my bro after the daily Puja. There was a time when I simply adored this Bro of mine.
The phone kept ringing for sometime before it was picked up by Dinka, his son. I asked him to hand the phone to his father.
"Kire bhalo achhis?"
He replied something like him being in the midst of "bhalo" (good) and "mando" (bad).
"Tor aaj Kato bachor holo?" How old are you today?
"68," he replied.
"Dara, ektu bhebe dekhi 68 porjyonto anader kajon dadara chhilo." I had barely gone past Chhotonda in my mind, when he cut in :
"Tabe, Deblaner barite sab theke beshi ami thekechhi." Immediately, lots of scenes and memories of this bro of mine and another for having stayed in this house, cropped up in my head.
I thought that he had some regrets for staying that long at Deblane. I was unimaginably wrong.
"Tui ei barite sab theke beshi thakte paris na. Sab theke beshi chhilo Chhotonda." You couldn't have stayed at 41 for longer than Chhotonda, another brother of mine.
I didn't pay much heed to what he was blabbering at the other end.
"Tachhara, tui ekhan theke '97 sale chole gechhis. Tar pare buri chowa…."( You left Deblane in 1997. Your dealings with Deblane were reduced to a mere formality from then on), I couldn't resist telling him.
He answered something to that that I can't remember. Then the tone of this bro of mine, someone I loved and respected at one point in my life, started changing.
He first said something about his desire to give me right and left. I still took it as a joke and replied," Er par jakhon Deblane a asbi, tor ei ichchhata puran kore nis." ( You can have this desire fulfilled when you visit Deblane next). He was still going on and told me something like my habit of shouting at and disrespecting all my elder siblings and their spouses.
He told me that he was expecting me at his place today though. ( I later told my Sis over the phone that I don't feel that obliged to go to his place anymore.) I told him on his face that that was not possible today.
This bro of mine, the bro very few people have thought highly of ( probably, no one thinks better of me either), the bro I tried defending to every Tom, Dick and Harry - then told me that I could never present myself before him due to some sense of shame ( "tui amar samne lajjai aste parbi na"). That's when I lost my patience.
"Keno, ami ki korechhi je tor samne lajjai aste parbo na? ( What have I done to be ashamed to present myself before you?) Tor bou, chhele, chhele bou eder karo sange kono kharap byabohar korechhi? ( Did I behave badly with your family ever?) Tui, je jibane kono bhaider samparke bhalo katha bolli na, tui amake lajjar katha bolchhis? (You are talking about the sense of shame? You who never uttered a single good thing about any of your siblings?)
I simply lost my control and would have said lots of nasty thing to this bro of mine had my younger daughter not taken the phone from my hand at that moment.
The line went dead. I called Sis then regarding the last remark of my bro. I was hurting, hurting and trembling. What did I ever do not to present myself before this bro of mine or anyone for the matter? That too due to an utter sense of remorse and shame?
I kept calling my bro for the next ten-fifteen minutes. I just wanted an explanation. The phone was not answered. That's when I deleted all contacts related to my brother and his family.
Like I told him over the phone that I had called him for the last time today on the occasion of his birthday.
Happy Birthday to this once dear bro of mine. God bless him and his family.