IMPES

I am A Dark Fat Girl – Who Will Marry Me?

During our client interactions, I happened to chance upon a family based in South Delhi. The family was of well off means and well settled. While we were interacting with the Bride’s father discussing about his expectations in his future son-in-law, I saw a calm and calibrated expression from his daughter. Initially I was of the opinion that the head of the family has the initiative to speak his mind out on his requirement and expectations but the agony was piling up on the girl’s face. I failed to limit myself as a professional and asked her “Madam, do you want to say something”? She indicated that she wants to speak to me in private and asked me to pick up my glass and meet her in the balcony. Now, I had 2 glasses in front of me – A glass full of water and one filled with a Coke. I instinctively lifted the Coke glass and walked to the adjoining balcony. She asked me “Why did u choose the Coke “? “Well Coke appealed more to me than ordinary water” I answered. She continued “that is the problem with the entire society. Things that appeal to be beautiful and decorative are the one’s people generally choose over the ordinary and accessible. My father wants a Govt. Service boy based out of Delhi, why should a boy accept me when he would have other options in a slimmer, fairer and more beautiful girl than me. This is an arranged marriage where choices spoil selection. I know my limitations. I am not fair and certainly not slim. I am happy with my body and don’t want my physical appearance be the deciding factor in my match search. Please search for a boy, any profession or Income level, who will accept me the way I am and be proud of the future that we can stitch together“.
Honestly, being slim and beautiful has been the biggest agony in today’s time. Groom’s and their family craze for photo more than the girl, her qualifications and her family background. Isn’t it surprising that the deciding factor has shifted from compatibility to Couple’s “Appearability” . This debate of beauty over person isn’t to die soon. However, the society is known to evolve and will certainly understand the true meaning of Matrimony.

Reams have been written about arranged Vs love marriages. Arguments from both sides are strong and so merit consideration . Let us delve more into both forms of marriage.
Traditionally, marriages in our society has been arranged ones. Elders, relatives, friends, villagers would join hands to find good matches. Income levels, land holding, family background besides good health/looks etc formed the basis of selection. In most cases, known acquaintances from a neighborhood village would end up as the preferred choice.
Love marriage is not a recent phenomenon but is gradually gaining acceptance especially in urban India. The reasons are many – migration to cities for jobs have distanced families from their roots. Dwindling support from family/relatives also prompt such a situation. Moreover, the need is driven by practical real time challenges. The choice is matter of convenience for both. They perhaps work together, have similar tasks, targets, incomes etc and face similar challenges. Moreover they interact with each other and understand each other better. In such a scenario it is the overall situation and convenience that prompt alliances. Background, family, their past is often not fully understood. Perhaps, young minds do not have the wisdom, patience or time/wherewithal to go into these matters. Fear of rejection often compel them to avoid uncomfortable questions.

Arranged ones on the other hand is matter of family, status, parental wisdom, thorough checks on the antecedents of both parties, honour etc. The focal point is both the girl / boy and the family. And yes it does have the boys’/ girls’ approval too. The modern society does not work on the earlier model where parental decisions were binding on children. In most cases, consent of children is sought before a decision is taken.
Love marriage is often secretive,with limited knowledge where focus is more on the person and not family. Such marriages are often decided in a hurry to escape censure/disapproval from parents /society. The risks and pitfalls are many in such cases, specially in situations where marriages are confronted with tough situations after marriage. Family support may/may not be at hand.
In arranged marriages however filial/societal pressure acts as a cushion that prevents breakup.